The Well of Lives
by Bludgerhead
Summary: Nymphadora Tonks ends up in a tricky situation when an anicent potion makes her switch bodies with a certain snarky potions professor. Desperate to find a cure for their problem they are thrown into an epic adventure that none of them had expected. A magic wardrobe, time travel, a bit of fluff and just a sprinkle og horror. No romance.
1. Something is terribly wrong

I do not own any of these characters. I am only borrowing them for my own amusement.

* * *

 **Chapter 1:**

 _I have always wondered_

 _how it would be to see the world through someone elses eyes._

 _But come on fate!_

* * *

Somedays I wondered if it was cruelty or if this was fates punishment for something I had done in a previous life. How should I know. I definitely didn't approve of it though. My situation was of course a little different than you might expect. I certainly didn't believe it either when it first happened. Who would have thought? This was magic beyond my comprehension, or anyone elses for that matter.

I remember seeing Albuses face when he heard. He couldn't believe it either. Imagine that. Albus Dumbledore not having a clue of what was going on. Of course, he handled the news better than I did but then again, it didn't affect him. Maybe he'd react differently if _he_ was the one caught in the middle. I shudder to think what might have happened if _he_ was the one to drink a butterbeer with me that fateful night my problems began.

Well, more problems at least. On top of all the other things happening in the wizarding world at the moment. We are, after all, about to enter a war against one of the most powerful wizards in history. His only goal is to gain power over the muggles and muggleborns and wreak havoc across the country while he's at it. Full-blooded first his minions say, and I still am not sure what they mean by that.

I haven't expressed my concerns to anyone about my family if we were to enter an open war against the death eaters. I myself, would more or less be considered a half blood. My mother, Andromeda, comes from one of the oldest and most esteemed pure blood families in Britain and would have been welcomed into the inner ranks of lord Voldemort if she had chosen to. In fact, as morbid as it may sound, her two sisters are already there. However, she chose to marry a muggleborn, Teddy Tonks. For that her family disowned her. Together they had me, and I am no better than my mother in their eyes.

My father will be targeted by the deatheaters no matter what happens to my mother. If so happens, he will have to go into hiding. Unless we all flee together. My mother might be safe because of her heritage, but I doubt it. Her marrying a muggleborn was crime enough and she has more than once openly expressed her dislikes of Voldemorts methods.

I have done nothing to improve the matter. Joining the Order of the Phoenix was one of my big declarations against Voldemort. My preference in men might be another (if they ever find out).

I do not regret joining the order. I strongly support fighting for what you believe in. Mad-eye was the one who invited me. He saw me as a strong and useful additive to the group and I must say, I see that as a compliment. I am only twenty-three, I've come straight from auror training, and yet I would still be his first choice for backup in a fight. I really love Mad-eye. He is a fierce, cunning and crazy bastard sometimes and that is exactly what we need in this war.

My first few days in the order were both thrilling and terrifying. I don't want to seek a fight. I am no Gryffindor. But the deatheaters are real killers and the work we did was really dangerous at times. But I was determined to continue fighting.

That however, changed abruptly not too long ago.

It was that terrible morning in early July that I woke up with a start and felt something was terribly wrong.

I was not in bed in my apartment in London, in fact I wasn't even in a bed. I lay on the floor in a dark and dusty room that I did not recognize. I could not remember how I got there. At first I feared I had been kidnapped by deatheaters and I sat up in panic.

Ouch! That had not been a good idea. My head hurt like hell, and my stomach threatened to empty its content on the floor. But only for a few minutes. When my vision finally stopped spinning I realized where I was. It was the living room of Grimmauld place 12, the headquarters of the order. Thank Merlin! No death eaters could get in here so that excluded the possibility of kidnapping. But I still didn't know how I got there.

I tried to remember that when I noticed someone else laying by my feet.

It was a woman with pink hair.

Wait. Pink hair?

I stared.

I could hardly believe it. There on the floor, sleeping sweetly, was an exact copy of myself.

My thoughts went haywire. What could this be? Some kind of hoax? Perhaps a prank?

While I stared at the woman on the floor in stunned silence, she, whoever it was, suddenly stirred from her sleep. Her eyes flew open and for several seconds she stared at me before she scrambled to her feet. Apparently, that was a bad idea because she groaned loudly and crouched together while she held her head in both hands. It looked like she tried to stop it from falling off.

I could do nothing but gape at her.

"What is the meaning of-" my copy began, but then she covered her mouth with her hand as if the sound of her own voice had shocked her.

"What-" I began, but then I felt a sudden urge to cover my own mouth. My voice was much deeper than usual.

While I continued to stare at my copy, she examined her clothes with a horrified expression on her face before she ran out of the room with a string of curses. It took me only a second to glance at my own clothes before I too got to my feet and ran after her. I got a sinking feeling in my stomach while I ran and my greatest fears where confirmed when I reached the second-floor bathroom.

The face staring back at me from the mirror belonged to no other than Severus Snape.


	2. Snape is not amused

_The face staring back at me from the mirror belonged to no other than Severus Snape._

 **Chapter 2:**

«It has to be Polyjuice potion» said the pink haired girl standing next to me. I assumed it was Snape. He stared intensely at his reflection. "Someone must have thought it amusing to play a prank on us while we were asleep". His voice was angrier than I had ever heard it and his hands shook from repressed fury.

"Wow" I managed to say. If this was indeed a prank, it was a terrible one. Everybody knew that I could handle a joke, I would even initiate some of them. I do appreciate a good prank from time to time. But to involve Snape was a grave mistake. Snape was a short tempered, disagreeable man who appreciated no kind of funny remark towards him. Let alone a prank of this significance. Who would be stupid enough to involve him? I knew people used to think it was funny to prank him in school when I was a student, but here? In the Order headquarters? Seriously?

The only thing anyone would achieve from it was a very angry Snape, and a possible danger of being turned into potions ingredients. Could it have been the Weasley twins? Maybe, but they were still at the Burrow. Then there was only my cousin Sirius left, or maybe Mundungus Fletcher?

"I am goin to kill him!" Snape snarled and kicked the bathroom door open. There was no doubt who he was talking about. "No you won't" I exclaimed. I didn't know what to do; no doubt, the man would ignore me. I grabbed his wrist (which was technically my own wrist) to keep him from doing something foolish. My hands where surprisingly big compared to his and my fingers unnaturally long. Moving my fingers felt awkward. However, I managed to hold him back.

"Let go of me!" he snarled at me. It made my face look distorted and ugly. "Sn- Professor Snape. Calm down. Don't go to any rash conclusions before you have evidence of who-"

"I do not need any evidence, I know who did this!"

"Do you really?"

"Of course I do, who else would be so stupid at to play a prank like this? To waste a good amount of polyjuice potion just to get back at me? This is unacceptable, and I promise I will give Dumbledore my opinion of the man. That will be after I have killed him first."

"Professor Snape, think rationally. What if Sirius had nothing to do with this? Then you'd charge and innocent man for no reason" and tried to keep the desperation away from my voice.

"Black was never an innocent man, miss Tonks!" Snape cried furiously. He tried to yank his hand out of my grip but failed. Then he tried to reach for his wand but it was not in the same place as he was used to. I, however, knew where it was. I grabbed it from the wand holster on the side of his right calf and held it out of his reach. "Please just calm down" I tried to reason with him.

At this stage, he was too furious for words. He snarled at me with pure outrage on his face. It was obvious he thought I was in on the joke and that all of this was a scheme to humiliate him. I should probably try to calm him down before he did something irrational, like attack me.

At this point I was really glad we weren't in the first floor, or else the painting of Sirius's mother would have heard our commotion and started screaming. That would have made people come out to see what was going on which would have made the entire situation a hundred times worse.

Snape tried to snatch the wand I had in my robes but I threw the wand I held in my hand to the floor and grabbed his other hand before he could reach it. He got a wild expression like a cornered animal and before I could do anything more to calm him down; he bit me.

"Ouch!" I yelped and let go of him. He tried again to snatch the wand I had somewhere in my robes, but I dodged him and snatched the wand on the floor.

For half a second we stood in the dark hallway and stared at each other. I held Snape at wand-point and he still had the same expression of a cornered animal ready to lash out at me at any moment. How did we get to this again? I almost never started a fight and here I was threatening an unarmed person who, at the moment, was half my size. I would never be able to make him calm down now. He was too angry.

But I couldn't exactly stun him either. That would certainly not help with his temper but if I could get him out of the open hall so that nobody could hear us I might find a way to calm him down. And possibly keep him away from killing Sirius. However, it would be a better idea to talk to him. I hesitated for another half a second. That was enough for Snape. He charged up the stairs away from me.

I stunned him.

Shit, I shouldn't have done that. It was an aurors automatic reaction for criminals that tried to run away. Or so I told myself. Maybe I had always wanted to stun Snape? He was a rude bastard after all. But it meant bad news. Now he would never trust me.

I ran up to where he lay half way up the stairs and checked on him. No broken nose, no bump in the head. Good, at least I didn't hurt him. I levitated him down the stairs and back into the living room where I dumped him on the sofa and closed the door. What should I do now? If I woke him up he would lash out again, but I couldn't just let him stay stunned forever. I had to fix my mistake and the only way I could do that was to wake him. At least we were inside the living room and out of ears range of Walburga Blacks painting. Actually, I was amazed she hadn't woken up already considering the commotion we had made in the stairs. Come to think of it why hadn't we met any order members yet? They were usually everywhere in the headquarters during the day. I glanced at the antique clock on the mantelpiece.

Half past four in the morning.

Well that explained it.

I glanced back at Snape. I could just as well wake him up now while nobody could overhear our fight. How did I know he would put up a fight? Because it was Snape . . . I took a deep breath. At least I had both our wands if he tried to attack me. Should I restrain him? Probably not, but I locked the door in case he tried to run away. I sucked in another breath "reeneverate."

Snapes eyes flew up and he rose at an alarming speed. I forced myself to put my wand away and hold up my hands while he glared at me. "So you thought it would be funny did you? What a great idea to get greasy, disgusting Professor Snape a drink, steal his hair put it in a polyjuice potion and see how angry he gets." Snapes voice was low and icy cold.

"No! that's not how it is!"

"You better have a good explanation for this, girl, or so help me I will-"

"Professor Snape! I promise you I am not in on the joke!"

"You want me to believe that!? Why else would you attack me like that?"

"Listen, I am sorry I stunned you. I shouldn't have done that. I only wanted to stop you from charging anyone!"

"You only wanted to embarrass me! Did you think it would be funny to push me around when I was defenceless? Did you think it would be hilarious to violate my privacy and use my body to ridicule me in front of everyone?"

"I didn't push you around while you were defenceless! I stunned you once! Besides, if I had wanted to ridicule you like that I wouldn't have bothered to turn you into _me_ " I gestured towards his body.

He snarled viciously "Then you wanted to not only ridicule me but also embarrass me to such an extent–"

"If I had wanted to embarrass you with polyjuice potion I would certainly not have given you _my_ body. I might have turned you into some other random person, but I would certainly not have let you turn into me."

"So you would gladly use someone elses-"

"That was an example! Do you really believe I would violate someone else's privacy just to have some fun on _your_ expense!?"

"I would not put it past you. That is why you used your own hair".

I couldn't help but give an exasperated sigh "I am not in on the joke!"

"You are a selfish, arrogant girl! Just like your cousin Black–!"

I'd had enough by then. "Will you shut up!" I yelled over his insults.

"How dare you talk to me-!"

"Oh, for Merlins sake, Snape! I am not in on the joke!" I grabbed him by the shoulders "Look at me. Use your legimency and tell me if I am lying or not." I said exasperated and bent down to look him in the eyes so that our noses were inches apart.

"I. Am. NOT. In. On. The. Joke."

Snape might have scanned my very soul for ill intent given the time he used to stare at me, but he appeared to find nothing because he nodded and yanked himself out of my grip. "Fine! You're not in on the joke"

I felt my shoulders slump in relief. Thank god that had worked and not made him even angrier. I might have had to stun him again if that had happened. "Thank you!" I said while a smile threatened to tug at the corner of my mouth. Better not smile when I had finally got Snape to believe me, but it was hard to not see the humour in the situation. Come on, how long did it take me to convince him of this? "No I'm not in on the joke. Someone else must have given us the polyjuice potion"

"Yes, a certain cousin of yours" he said coldly.

"No! I don't believe that. Sirius is not stupid enough to steal from Mad-eyes supplies. It has to be someone else."

"Who do you suggest then?" Snape spat.

"I don't know! We have to figure it out!"

"Fine!" He spat more harshly "Then what do you suggest we do, oh wise girl?"

I gave him a glare but I decided to answer his question. "Well . . ." I hesitated "we need to know who is responsible for this. I suggest we pretend that nothing is wrong until the effects wear off. Then when we find the culprit, we give them something they will hardly forget. We do not want to give them the satisfaction of seeing us affected."

"I do not care if they know we are affected or not, what I want is to curse them to bits!"

"Professor Snape. Do you not see that there are so many other ways to get revenge? If we do this right revenge could be real sweet" I barely registered what I said to him, I was a bit worried that Snape would snap into a raging fit again, but whatever I said seemed to have an effect. He took a deep breath.

"Fine!" he said finally.

After a moment of hesitation and a lot of glaring from Snape, I gave him his wand back. He was still shaking with fury and he gave an angry huff but he didn't run off. I took that as a good sign. "Come, let me make you some tea" I said finally, and I tried to give him a smile. He did not respond but I gestured for him to follow me and together we went down the stairs and into the kitchen. Everything in the house had even more of a gloomy feel than usual so early in the morning, now that there were no sounds of people rustling about. The kitchen was dark and there were a few bottles of butterbeer and some empty wine glasses on the table.

I ignored the bottles and gestured for Snape to sit down while I prepared the kettle. I quickly realized that moving about was a lot more complicated than I had foreseen. I was not the most gracious person in the world; In fact, I could be rather clumsy at times, especially in a house I wasn't used to. However, when my fingers were so much longer and my feet so much bigger than usual, I was a downright fire hazard.

Snape who payed attention to what I did seemed to fight an internal battle until he suddenly burst. "Let me handle that, miss Tonks, you are going to burn down the kitchen at this rate." I ignored his snide remark but sat down with a relieved huff. He waved his wand gracefully and the finished tea flew over and landed neatly on the table. He didn't seem to be quite pleased with his work though.

His brows furrowed while he examined the wand in his hand. Then he handed it to me and said; "This is not mine." I didn't quite understand what he was talking about, until I examined the wand and realized it was indeed mine.

"Oh, right" I quickly pulled out the wand hidden among the folds in my black robes.

Then I stopped.

"Why would someone bother with changing our clothes? If this is a prank, wouldn't it be more . . . 'fun' for the culprit if we woke up in clothes that didn't fit?" then a disturbing thought hit me "You are wearing my underwear?" it came out a bit more accusingly than I had intended.

Snape looked horrified at the thought. He even took a step away from me "I did not . . . "

Wow, I managed to scare Severus Snape . . .

". . . Never mind" I said, feeling bad for his horrified expression. He was after all as much a victim as I was. "Don't worry about it, it's not your fault." Snape did not look relieved at all. In fact, he continued to stare at me horrified. I didn't like the thought either. Who would go to such lengths as to undress us for a stupid prank?

"It's weird, isn't it?" I continued, mostly to distract myself from my own emotions. Especially that gruesome, creeping feeling of having been . . . violated. "I mean most people would perform the prank quick and easy but changing clothes takes an awful long time."

Snape, still with the same horrified streak in his eyes frowned and hesitated, before he said; "how long since we woke up?"

"I dunno, about twenty minutes?"

What a strange and creepy situation, I thought. Could there be something wrong? Deatheaters were out of the picture. How could a deatheater have imagination enough to perform something like this? And what would be the point anyway? No, it had to be someone in the order. We had, after all, been at Grimmauld place last night. However, to think that someone would dress me naked while I was unconscious? That was a thought I couldn't fathom. I couldn't imagine any order member capable of something like that.

Given there is no counter spell or potion for polyjuice, there was no other choice but to wait until the effects wore off. I don't know how we came to that conclusion. Well, none of us really spoke after that. For all I knew, Snape was thinking of Horse racing . . . or clowns. But I doubted it. He was incredibly agitated and kept fiddling with his empty teacup until he broke the handle off. Then, still holding the handle, he threw the rest of the cup to the floor. I studied the trickles of tea spilling out in all directions between the stone tiles. Not bothering to comment on his behaviour.

My thoughts where occupied with possible culprits and motivations to target me together with Snape of all people. I was so deep in my own thoughts, I didn't notice how much time had passed until Snape suddenly rose and started pacing. I glanced at the clock. Forty-five minutes since we entered the kitchen.

And . . . nothing had happened. Mystified I looked up at Snape again. We must have been given the polyjuice at least a few minutes before we woke up. Polyjuice never lasts for more than an hour, so why had nothing happened yet?

I don't know when exactly it finally dawned on me. Something wasn't right. After another fifteen minutes I could do nothing but stare at Snape in astonishment. Nothing had changed. He still looked like me.

At last I said; "This is not polyjuice potion"


	3. We prank Dumbledore

**Chapter 3:**

The sound of my voice pulled Snape out of his pacing. "How is this possible? I have never seen anything like it! Polyjuice _never_ lasts for more than an hour, and I have never heard of any other magic that can give this good a resemblance to someone else."

Neither had I. But if this was not polyjuice it had to be some kind of transfiguration, right? Snape must have thought the same thing, because he pulled out his wand and performed a series of diagnostic spells on me. "You do not seem to have drunk any Polyjuice potion, or used any other magic to change your appearance for the last few days . . ."

"Well of course not, I am a metamorph- . . . wait, nothing?"

"No, whatever this is it is definitely not a polyjuice potion" he said hesitantly.

I stood up and performed the same diagnostic spells over Snape. Nothing. He hadn't even used a spot removal. At that moment, a thought hit me.

Could it be . . . ? I had to make sure.

"I want you to close your eyes and concentrate hard on your hair and the colour green" I said slowly. His eyes widened when he understood my point "You do not think . . . but how can that be possible?"

"We have to check, don't we?"

He gave a short nod and closed his eyes. After a few seconds his (or rather my) hair was emerald green.

It's hard to explain how I felt at that point. It was too unreal. After a long pause I finally managed to say; "That explains a few things . . ." Even though my heart raced furiously, my voice sounded surprisingly calm. Snape, who probably couldn't see his hair, gave me a questioning look. "You see, whenever I drink polyjuice potion I still keep my metamorphmagus abilities. But anyone who tries to turn into me are disappointed because they don't gain the ability with polyjuice. The metamorphmagi is linked to _me_ , not my appearance. But . . . you just . . . "

"I just did it" he stated with wide eyes. "You are implying . . . that I am currently in your . . . _real_ body. That this is not just some magically induced copy . . . " He grabbed at his hair with both hands "how is that even physically possible? It means that our souls must have left its body completely and entered another, somehow without dying in the process. It is insane!"

"How else would you explain the hair colour?"

Snape suddenly grabbed my left arm and yanked up the sleeve. What I saw there made my heart stop and I nearly gasped. There, in clear contrast to the white of my forearm, was the dark mark. I knew that Snape was a spy for the order but up until that point I had never considered the fact that he had to bear Lord Voldemorts mark. The fact that he really _had_ been one of them before he turned over to our side. The mark looked even more repulsive than I remembered. It seemed to stand out too clearly against my pale skin and I wanted nothing more than to get rid of it. Whatever it took. Cut the hand off if necessary.

"I don't suppose tattoos are revealed when you use Polyjuice potion" my voice shook a bit.

"No" said Snape. His expression was grave "not this one".

I didn't feel too good myself at that moment. I was stuck in the body of a former death eater and I had no idea of how to get back to my own. I had never heard of any potions or spells that could literally make a soul leave its own body and enter another. It shouldn't be possible. At least not as far as we knew. Yet, there we were. Both equally baffled and both at loss of what to do next. What if we could never find a way to change back? What if I was stuck as Severus Snape forever? The thought made my heart sink even further.

"We need to talk to Dumbledore" I don't recall who said it. We might even have said it at the same time. My thoughts were far too chaotic to register. Snape headed over to the fireplace, and grabbed a handful of floo-powder from a pot on the mantle. "The password to his office is Gummy Bears" he informed me before he yelled his destination into the fireplace and disappeared in a burst of green flames. I followed at close heel. "HEADMASTERS OFFICE, HOGWARTS, GUMMY BEARS!" I yelled (The last part felt ridiculous, typical Albus) and I spun around quickly while I passed hundreds of fireplaces. When I finally reduces speed, I tucked my elbows in and soon enough I stood in headmaster Albus Dumbledores office. I ignored the soot on my billowing robes and went further into the office.

Snape, already standing before the big desk in the middle of the room spoke quickly "- to talk to you of an important matter headmaster". Behind the desk sat Dumbledore himself with a mildly interested expression. It occurred to me that he was wide awake and fully dressed . . . at four in the morning.

"Severus" he said when he spotted me. "This matter is about you too?"

"Ah, yes" I answered hesitantly while I stood beside Snape. "We have a problem . . ."

"Sit down you two" said Albus and gestured to the two chairs in front of his desk. "Nymphadora, why don't you start?"

"How many times do I have to tell you Albus, not to call me Nymphadora?" I blurted without thinking. Albus moved his gaze away from Snape, who he had expected to answer and gave me a confused look. "Alright Severus, I won't . . . but I was not really talking to-"

"I am not Severus . . ." I said and felt my face heat up. Then I pointed at Snape "He is"

"Aha" the headmaster smiled as if he had understood the joke "I do appreciate a good laugh now and then"

"This is certainly not a joke Albus!" Snape exclaimed. He shot up, wand in hand, and looked as if he wanted to curse the headmaster to bits. Luckily, he didn't. Instead he started pacing. Albus got the same befuddled expression. I hurriedly started to explain about everything from the moment we had woken up that morning. At the end of my tale, Albus looked astonished. "How could this be true? It has to be a joke I am sure."

"Albus, do you really believe I could convince _Snape_ to join me with a prank on you?" he went quiet for a second and then he nodded. Thankfully, Snape didn't seem to be insulted by this implication.

"This is a unique situation I must say, I have never heard of anything like it. I wonder if any of you have an idea of what might have happened." Snape shook his head, but I hesitated. "I remember having a drink last night and I asked Professor Snape to join me. Do you think it might have been a potion?" I asked. Then I turned to Snape when I realized something "We were only drinking butterbeer. Why would we black out from that? Last time I checked, butterbeer isn't even alcoholic." Snape frowned, probably in agreement I decided. Albus looked thoughtful for a moment. "Will you show me the flasks from last night?" he asked.

We flooed back to Grimmaulds place where Albus instantly grabbed one of the empty butterbeer bottles from the table. He cast a series of silent spells over it and muttered to himself under his breath. His brows furrowed in concentration. Snape, who came last through the fireplace grabbed another bottle and cast his own silent spells over it. I felt too agitated to move around in the kitchen. I would probably tip every chair in the room if I tried so I remained standing by the fireplace. Besides, Snape was still using my wand and I didn't feel comfortable with his.

"There are no traces of potions on any of the bottles," said Snape after a while. Albus continued to mutter to himself. Then he said; "then again, there is not much left in them to examine. It might be too little of the potion to give good results."

Snapes brows furrowed further. "It should still give some results I am sure. If this is indeed caused by a potion, the key ingredients should have to be in high concentrations."

"Not necessarily" said the headmaster, seemingly in deep thought. "If there is a vast array of ingredients in small amounts, they might not-"

"Headmaster, no potion that I know of is composed of so many ingredients together. There would have to be more than three hundred different components to dilute the others!"

"Yes, it must have." Albus answered. Then he got a thoughtful expression "Oh, dear" he sat down on one of the chairs and gave us a long look. His eyes didn't twinkle like they usually did.

"What?" asked Snape, unable to hide the eagerness in his voice "do you know something?"

The headmaster stood up and took a few steps towards the fireplace, turned back again and sat down. "I do not suppose any of you have heard the tale of the Wishing well?"

". . . The children's tale?" I asked sceptically.

"The tale of the wishing well is much more than a children's tale my dear. You might have heard different versions of the story. A tale of a well that can your wildest dreams, as long as you give the proper payment. Others might have heard of a well that whispers in the night and sings in the day where any of whom drinks from it will gain eternal life. Few of these versions are even moderately close to the truth. However, all of them originate from the same legend. The legend of the Well of Lives."

Snape frowned "You mean 'The Well of Life'?"

"No, my boy. 'The Well of Lives', or to put it in other words, 'The Well of Different Lives'" said Dumbledore.

"Many years ago, there were tales of a well or a little pond or maybe even a lake on an island in the sea not far from the castle of Bruberg with the power to change the drinkers life forever. A lonesome drinker were in danger of poisoning and death, but when two people drank together, something extraordinary happened. They were able to take over the other person's body, or switch lives as it were. A person who was unhappy with his life might be able to find someone who was willing to switch with them and they could both walk away from there with a completely new life to fulfill. However, about five hundred years ago, the well was destroyed and the island disappeared. Some say it was blown up, others say the well was in fact a volcano and that it erupted in the middle ages, sinking both the island and the well into the ocean. Nobody knows for sure. There were very few visitors heard of. However, the last people known to do so are said to have brought some of the water with them, stored in an airtight bottle. In fact, sources have it that the last visitor was none other than sir Nicolas DeMimsy Porpington."

". . . Nearly headless nick?" I asked dubiously.

"The very one. But it is not clear whether it was sir Nicolas himself or a relative of his. Nick would never tell me" Dumbledore looked a little disappointed at this. "Because of the value of its content, the bottle has been passed down through generations of descendants from sir Nicolas' family until it came into the hands of a close friend of mine, Amaryllis Peduncle."

Snape listened to his tale with a dubious expression on his face "Do you actually expect us to believe–?"

"Let me finish Severus" Albus said calmly.

"Amaryllis is a well-known name in the research field, and she is especially accomplished in potions. I am sure you have heard of her." Albus looked expectantly at Snape who nodded. "A few months ago, she announced that she was to open the bottle and examine the content. However, other researchers have for several years tried to buy, borrow, or even steal the bottle for their own curiosity or to gain the attention or praise themselves if they figure out what is in the bottle. None has succeeded until this month. Two weeks ago, Amaryllis discovered that her mystery bottle had been stolen."

"You are suggesting that the potion in the flask somehow ended up in Grimmaulds place? Are you listening to yourself? Do you really believe that this mad lady is telling the truth?" Snape said dubiously. "You do not think she is lying about the bottle for attention?"

"Amaryllis is a highly respected woman in the research field, and she happens to be a good friend of mine. I have high respect for her and I suggest you do not utter comments such as this before you know the person you are talking of yourself." Dumbledore said with a warning tone. Snape went quiet but he didn't lose the dubious look on his face.

I secretly agreed with Snape. The story sounded like rubbish. How was a magic well with the power to change your life supposed to exist? And if it did, how could a potion stay untouched in a bottle for several hundred years? And if Nearly headless Nick who was supposed to have travelled there refused to confirm the story, then it probably wasn't true. The most likely explanation was that the woman, Amaryllis, told a lie to keep her esteemed position as a highly respected researcher.

But how could Albus believe her story?

However, what other explanation were there? I was willing to try anything. And when had Albus ever been wrong? I didn't consider Albus as omniscient. Far from it, he was human after all, but seeing that he was a lot more experienced in life than me, I was inclined to listen to him.

"If what you say is true and this Amaryllis really had a sample of the wishing-well water how do you suggest it ended up here in Grimmauld place? If it was stolen I-" but I already knew before I finished my question. "Mundungus Fletcher".

"I think you might be right, Sev- I mean Miss Tonks" Albus said with a small smile. Mundungus had an extensive reputation among the aurors as a petty criminal; however, criminals hear things that nobody else hears and so he was a useful resource for the Order. But, although the man seemed harmless enough, he constantly tried to hide his loot at Grimmauld place. None of the other order members appreciated that habit. If Mundungus had stolen the well-water from the Amaryllis woman, he might have hidden it in Grimmauld Place, concealed as butterbeer. What kind of idiot would put bottles with some anicent potion in the pantry with the rest of the butterbeer, where anyone could accidentally drink it? This situation was all Mundungus Fletchers fault.

"Even if the story fits, headmaster, it cannot possibly be true. We are talking about a magic lake of potion existing long enough for it to be a legend, then collected in a bottle and preserved for five hundred years. I am sure you realize how unlikely that sounds" said Snape.

"I am quite aware that it seems unlikely Severus. But, there are many aspects of magic that wizards have never discovered. Besides, what other explanation is there? There are no potions today that I have heard of with this kind of effect. This is the only clue we have. Perhaps Amaryllis has already figured out the code of the potion and successfully brewed it herself. It might be that Mr Fletcher stole the newly brewed potion and not an ancient sample, which would explain why it is working. Perhaps what was passed down in Amaryllises family was the knowledge of how to make the potion and not the original potion itself?"

Snape gave a huff of annoyance at the headmasters' words. He didn't look convinced, but he didn't offer any further protests.

"I believe I need to go speak with my friend Amaryllis about the matter, she might be the only one who knows how to fix this problem. I suggest you two wait in my office in case Amaryllis wants to see you herself."

"Headmaster! You cannot possibly expect us to sit still and wait for you to come back. I want to come with you!" Snape protested.

"Amaryllis is quite vary of strangers in her house" Dumbeldore said with a bit of warning in his tone. "It would be rude of me to impose her with two strangers so early in the morning." I will ask her to come with me to my office at Hogwarts. I cannot bring her to Grimmauld place, so I suggest you wait there." He stood and made to leave. Then he turned "Be nice to each other" he warned before he went out the door. Probably to apparate outside the house.

Snape was fuming and muttered some explicit curse words while he stomped over to the fireplace and flooed back to the headmasters' office. I followed in a calmer pace but I was also fuming inwardly. I could understand that it was rude to barge in at Amaryllises place with two strangers but to leave us alone with nothing to do but wait? And the nerve of him to tell us to be nice to each other as if we were little children! (Well . . . perhaps Snape needed to hear it).

There was an awkward silence between us in the minutes that followed. Now that I was over the first shock of finding myself in the body of someone else, I couldn't shake off the awareness that I was in fact; male. A sickly thin male at that. I tried to ignore the boniness of his joints and the unfamiliar bulk between my legs, but in vain. It was terribly distracting.

Snape looked even less comfortable than myself. His back was unnaturally stiff, and he seemed to look anywhere else than at me or at any of his own (or my own) body parts. Including his fingers. Could this be his strange way of signalling to me that he had no intention in taking advantage of his new situation? In that case I thought his actions where oddly sweet. Uncharacteristically so actually. I had never seen Snape as a man who cared about what others thought of him.

I noticed that green hair didn't suit me very well. A note for later. While I studied him, he glanced at me and went even more rigid if that was possible. "What?" he asked harshly, but not hostile I noticed.

"You know, I won't judge you if you relax a bit." I said calmly. He studied me for a moment before he dropped his shoulders a tiny bit. Otherwise he didn't move. I tried in vain not to smile at his behaviour, then I noticed he was still holding my wand. I drew his out of my pocket and handed it over to him "here."

He took it without a word, and handed mine over to me. It was a relief to get it back. Snapes wand had felt okay enough in my hand but my own felt like it belonged. If felt warm and familiar as I held it.

"It is curious that our wands seem to know who they belong to even though we are physically someone else" Snape said after a while. Perhaps he wanted to break the awkward silence.

"Maybe our magic is attached to our soul, so that when the soul moves somewhere else the magic follows?" I suggested.

Snape studied his wand in deep thought "I suppose you're right. That might explain why only wizards can become ghosts. The magic attached to the soul is what keeps them back in this world."

"You might have a point there, Professor"

The fireplace roared, and out came Dumbledore, closely followed by a plump elderly woman with a pointy nose and pigtails. Her robes had a strikingly colourful bohemian pattern that hurt my eyes. "These are them?" she asked Dumbledore quite eagerly and without even waiting for an answer she started casting diagnostic spells over the closest one of us, which happened to be me. "Well this is quite shocking news, I must say" she exclaimed. After she was finished with me she went over to Snape to perform the same spells. "I never though the potion would keep its effect after five hundred years in a bottle. This is quite curious. And none of you remember anything of the night?"

"Well, I remember drinking butterbeer but after that it is blank" I answered sincerely.

The woman continued to ask questions about what we remembered and our physical conditions, how we woke up that morning and if we had experienced any faintness or other illnesses yet. I answered most of the questions while Snape seemed too uncomfortable in the womans' presence to speak. Finally, she seemed to run out of questions for she scrutinized us both for a minute longer before she turned to Albus again. "Well Albus, I must conclude that this must indeed be the effects of the Wishing-well water. I had honestly not thought that it was this well preserved over the years but here we see the results." She scrutinized Snape again. "I see you both prefer to use your own wands. Do they still work best for you even though you are physically someone else?"

"Yes" said Snape "my wand seems to recognize my magic" he didn't seem surprised that the woman knew which wand belonged to whom.

"Yes, I suppose it would. I must say this is quite interesting. I am disappointed that I did not get the chance to examine the potion for myself. It is quite vexing. Nevertheless, what a great opportunity it is to observe its effects."

"Yes, dear Amaryllis, it is a great opportunity indeed" said the headmaster. "As interesting as it is however, I am sure neither Severus nor Miss Tonks would like to stay as they are at the moment. They might like to know if there is a way to reverse the effects of the potion".

The woman sighed and slumped down in a chair hurriedly conjured by Dumbledore. "Oh dear . . . my sweet, sweet children" she started. Snape frowned at this form of address. Amaryllis didn't notice. "The only way to reverse the effect of the potion is to drink the same potion again. I am truly sorry about this but since there is no potion left I am not too sure what I can do".

"And-" she hesitated "I dare say I have more bad news. The potion is said to have a reversal deadline. After six months the cure will no longer work and the effects will be permanent."


	4. We have a lovely chat about love

_The woman sighed and slumped down in a chair hurriedly conjured by Dumbledore. "Oh dear . . . my sweet, sweet children" she started. Snape frowned at this form of address. Amaryllis didn't notice. "The only way to reverse the effect of the potion is to drink the same potion again. I am truly sorry about this, I will do everything in my power to try to copy the potion but since there is no potion left I am not too sure what I can do"._

" _And-" she hesitated "I dare say I have more bad news. The potion is said to have a reversal deadline. After six months the cure will no longer work, and the effects will be permanent."_

 **Chapter 4:**

Permanent.

There was a pressing silence.

"There might be a chance still. I will do everything in my power to help you" She gave us an apologetic look. All of us could sense the unspoken 'but I don't think it'll work'.

I hardly registered what she said. Snape suddenly stood and left the room without a word.

"Oh dear" said Amaryllis miserably.

"Do not worry, Amaryllis, Severus will calm down soon enough" Albus soothed, but his words sounded hollow. There was a loud buzzing noise in my ears. The cogwheels in my brain seemed to turn too slowly. It couldn't fathom what I'd heard. Had I really heard anything? Maybe this was all some strange dream and I would wake up in my own bed in a few minutes.

Amaryllis said something. I heard the words "blood" and "trace magic" before I saw a blur of colour to my left. I felt a little sting in the crook of my left arm. Apparently, she was drawing blood from me, but I hardly registered. She gave no notice of the dark mark on my arm.

"Oh dear, oh dear" said Amaryllis again "what a curious situation." She patted me on the head as if I was a dog and went back to Dumbledores desk. She muttered something to him under her breath, and Dumbledore nodded before he went out the door. He had possibly gone to fetch Snape. After a few minutes I managed to shake myself out of my stupor. Amaryllis scrutinized me again. "I will tell you again that all hope is not gone yet. Now that I have a blood sample from you I can extract the traces of the potion from your blood and work from there. It will take longer than if I had the actual potion but it is certainly not impossible" she said, apparently trying to soothe me. "I know one should not brag about one selves, but I am quite skilled in potions making. Besides, there are some more information you both need to hear about the effects before I go. It might be helpful."

When Dumbledore entered his office with Snape in tow, Amaryllis ushered them both into their seats. Snape wore his usual scowl, but his eyes where suspiciously red rimmed. "I need some blood samples from you my dear" Amaryllis told Snape while she pulled up his sleeve and conjured some needle-gear with her wand. "I cannot say how much of the legend is true, however, there is a saying told many times throughout the years. It goes like this; 'Find liquid sunshine and you'll find revelations thine'."

Everyone went quiet. What on earth did that mean? Liquid sunshine? Was that another potion?

Amaryllis continued; "I cannot say for sure what it means, but I am sure we will find out when the time comes." She scrutinized us one last time before she rose from her position by Snape. "Well Albus, I must be going. I have quite some important work to do, I am sure you can take care of the two of them on your own. If you see any signs of fainting or other symptoms, contact me immediately." Then she flooed away.

Albus turned to us with an apologetic look. "She is quite an eccentric woman, but she knows what she is doing. Come, let us go back to Grimmauld place. I will make you both some tea and some breakfast. I am sure you need it."

Without a word, I followed him through the fireplace and sat down by the table in Grimmaulds kitchen. I was still in a daze. Snape sat down across from me and stared at his fists on the table for a minute before he said, "So what do we do now?" I noticed his voice was shaking a tiny bit.

"I suggest for the time being we wait for further news from Amaryllis." Said Dumbledore while he waved his wand at the pantry. Out flew the teapot, a frying pan, some bread, eggs, and other cutlery. They all started making breakfast by themselves. "Your situation is highly complicated, and for your own safety I suggest we do not make it public. As you well know, Severus is a spy for the order and he reports for me from the inner ranks of lord Voldemort. I cannot say how sorry I am to lose this recourse Severus, your information to the order has been highly valuable."

"I can still perform the role as spy Headmaster" said Snape. "Miss Tonks is a metamorphmagus, it would not be difficult to still–"

"I will not allow that" said Dumbledore firmly. "Even though you could change your appearance enough to fool Voldemort you are still a woman. I do not suppose I am wrong when I say there are certain limits of metamorphmagic that prevent a change of gender. Not to mention, you do not have the dark mark anymore. It would be too suspicious if you took the mark again. Besides, I will not let you do that to Miss Tonks, or to yourself."

"And what about Miss Tonks? Do you expect her to go instead of me to The Dark Lord? This is hardly a fate I would want for anyone. And Miss Tonks in no occlumens, she would be exposed and then mist likely killed. Do you wish that for her Headmaster?"

"I cannot send any of you my dear, I cannot let you expose yourselves to such danger" despite Dumbledores caring look. Snape still looked furious for some reason, but before he could answer I cut in;

"Do we tell the order?"

"No" Snape answered immediately.

"Why not? Don't they have a right to know?"

"I do not want anyone to know."

"But why not, Snape?"

"That is none of your business woman."

"None of my business" I snorted "This has everything to do with me! This is not only about you Snape. Believe it or not but I am also a victim here! I am not in on the joke remember!" Snapes nostrils flared and he seemed to build up for a new attack.

"Oh, I know, this is not about the order. You just don't want Sirius Black and Remus Lupin to find out. And maybe not Harry Potter either, am I right?" I noticed Snapes tiny flinch when I mentioned the names. He glared hatefully at me. "You insolent little-" However, before he could say anything more Dumbledore stopped him.

"That's enough. Severus, you will spare your insults to someone who deserves them. You know that Miss Tonks is as much a victim as you are." He turned to me with a sad expression "However, I think I have to agree with Severus on this matter and ask you both to keep this a secret for now. Even for the Order."

I hardly ever got angry with anybody but at that moment I felt a wave of cold fury well up inside me directed at the two idiots in front of me. I rose so fast my chair flew into the wall behind me. Snape gave me an insufferable smug sneer and I wanted nothing more than to punch him.

"Is there a particular reason why not Albus?" I said. My voice shook, and I clenched my fists.

"Amaryllis asked me to keep this secret-"

"The entire order is secret Albus! Don't you think they ought to know? I am sure they can keep another small secret. This could have huge consequences for our missions. Snape has never worked side by side with Mad-eye before. If you send him out in the field it could endanger the entire team because he doesn't know Mad-eyes way of working. And I can't go because I am bloody Severus Snape, Mad-eye doesn't trust-"

"That is why we must keep you both away from missions for the time being. I think you should both stay here and-"

"Out of missions?! Albus, I joined the order to help. How can I be of use if you stick us to Grimmaulds Place for the rest of the summer, maybe even for the rest of the year?!"

'Maybe even for the rest of our lives' my mind supplied but I refused to think further in that direction.

Snape looked like he agreed. "I also want to know that Headmaster. What would you have us do if you stick us here? Even if I cannot spy for you anymore you know I am a fully capable potions brewer. I can help this Amaryllis with her work."

Albus sighed, he looked tired. "I hardly know what to do about this situation. However, I am not changing my decision. You will not give this away to the rest of the order. Do you have any idea what would happen if Mundungus Fletcher got this information? He will already be in trouble with the buyer - whoever it is - when they find out he could not deliver. What would happen then if the buyer found out about your situation and tried to find you? We do not know who this buyer is. For all we know, it could be another death eater. Also, I want you both to stay here in case there is a lingering effect of the potion that we do not know about. If one of you fainted during a mission" he looked at me " _or_ in the middle of brewing an experimental potion" he moved his eyes to Snape "that could have fatal consequences."

I had to admit he had a point. I didn't have to like it though. "Fine!" I said "I will stay out of missions, and I won't tell anyone in the order but I will tell my parents whether you like it or not." I glared at him in a challenge to contradict me.

The Headmaster sighed again. "I suppose that is alright."

"And you!" I turned angrily to Snape "I know how you behave around other people and I will not allow you to do the same in my body. I am **not** rude to people! I do not run around goading others to attack me! I know how to behave around others and I will **not** let you walk around ruining my friendships just because you feel like it. One cross word from you to anyone in the order, _especially_ to Sirius Black, and I will make sure you regret it! Is that clear!?"

Snape glared at me defiantly and opened his mouth for a reply, but right at that moment we heard someone coming down the stairs. I felt a sudden wave of panic. I wasn't ready to pretend to be like Snape yet. I wasn't even sure how Snape acted anymore. Cold and snarky I supposed. I looked at Albus in plead. All he could do was give me a short nod before the door opened.

In came the last person in the world I wanted to see in this particular situation; Remus Lupin.

I felt my face grow hot and my heart thundered in my ears. How could I ever act like Snape around Remus when I had such a major crush on him?

Remus looked like he always did; skinny and tired with a few more grey hairs than normal for a guy his age (he was only thirty-five, right?). However, he looked fresh as if he had just had a shower. He stopped in the door when he noticed us standing by the table. "Good morning" he said curiously.

"Good morning" I answered automatically.

I glanced at Snape who still glared at me before he turned to glare hatefully at Remus instead. Even though his glare didn't look half as menacing on my face as it did on his own, it didn't go unnoticed by Remus. He rose a questioning eyebrow at Snape before he asked, "Is there something wrong?" I glared angrily back at Snape. If he expected me to act like nothing, then he was certainly going to do the same whether he liked it or not.

I opened my mouth to tell him so but Albus hurriedly said; "Ah . . . Remus, would you be so kind as to give us another minute? I have something I must discuss with Severus and Miss Tonks here before breakfast." Remus hesitated for half a second before he nodded. "Certainly, Albus." He left.

This time it was Albuses turn to glare warningly at us, more so at Snape who was fuming.

"Behave!" he said, sterner than I had ever heard him. "I warn you, do not fight, do not draw attention to yourselves and please do not leave the house until I get back. Is that understood?"

"Fine! Will that be all then, Headmaster?" Spat Snape viciously.

Albus studied Snape with a sad expression for a moment before he nodded to me and left.

I felt just as angry as Snape for the moment. That Albus would treat us like a pair of kids who had done something naughty instead of letting us help figure out the cure for our own future . . . My thoughts where busy making up increasingly vicious curse words to describe both Albus and Snape, when Snape interrupted me.

"You like him."

This caught me off guard "Who?"

"Lupin of course, you like the werewolf!"

I felt my face heat up again. This was _not_ something I wanted to share with Severus bloody Snape. "No, we're just friends in the order."

"You are such a liar!" exclaimed Snape with a mocking sneer, "His presence made you blush like a schoolgirl. How are you supposed to play your role accurately when you turn red as a tomato every time Lupin enters the room?"

"It's not like I'm gonna run around snogging him in your body, is it?"

He shuddered slightly at the thought "You better not."

"Well, there you go. So, I don't see why it matters."

"It matters because I want to warn you not to trust him. He is not a good guy. And besides, you ought not to be all . . . infatuated with him while you look like me."

"I'm not 'Infatuated' with him!" I exclaimed indignantly "And why don't you like him anyways? Is it because he is a werewolf? I already know that, he told me that himself."

"I have good reasons not to like him!"

"Listen, I don't know what happened between you two but you should know that he is not exactly boasting about it. In fact, he is quite embarrassed about his behaviour in school. He told me that as well. You should give him a chance to explain himself and apologise."

Snape snorted humourlessly "You have no idea, girl. Being embarrassed doesn't make things all right."

"It seems to me like you keep your hate towards him just to have someone to hate. You shouldn't cling to hatred like that for the rest of your life, it's unhealthy. You should let go."

Snape slammed his hands in the table "Stupid girl! Whatever regard I have towards that werewolf is none of your business. You think you have the right to meddle in my affairs simply because you look like me? I merely try to give you good advice and here you think you have the right to comment on how I should live my life?"

I fell quiet. I guess I didn't have the right to comment on how he should live his life. I was about to tell him that, but then he _had_ to go on and say; "I had expected more of you, I thought you were a smart girl, but I was mistaken. I can't believe you would fall for that thing."

That made me snap. "That thing!? How dare you call Remus 'that thing'! He didn't choose to become a werewolf! He does everything in his power to stop himself from hurting anyone, and yet here you are hurting people every day, even children, because you feel like it. I don't think you have the right to judge Remus Lupin at all!"

This time he snarled at me again "Commenting on my life again? Do you have more great advice for me on how to become a good man!?"

"Plenty!" I yelled before I broke his gaze, breathing heavily. Wow, this conversation was not going well. Had I just told him straight out that I though he was an evil bastard? That was certainly not my intention. I didn't want to make him my enemy on purpose. Especially not now when we were supposed to stay at Grimmauld place together.

"I'm sure it will be a pleasure to hear all your wonderful suggestions, miss Tonks" he said, his voice dripping with sarcasm "but alas, if we only had so much time before we die of old age."

I breathed out and gripped the back of a chair. Perhaps to support myself. Merlin, I was so confused.

He gave another sneer and spread his arms "Well, I warned you. Do not blame me when you turn out to be disappointed. I hope for your sake this is merely a passing crush. You will be better off without him."

I had a hard time trying not to hit him in his pretty face. What the hell was the matter with him? I had to repeat to myself; 'Do not hit him Tonks, he is a woman now. Men don't hit women, Tonks, men don't hit women no matter how much you want to.'

"Whether or not my feelings are just a passing crush or not, I don't see why that is any of your business" I managed to bark out, it got louder and louder for every word. "I don't see why this gives you the right to judge my feelings for him. Just because you didn't like him at school, Snape, does not mean that nobody could possibly have feelings for him. And just because _you_ haven't loved anyone before doesn't mean you have the right to judge my feelings as 'just a passing crush'!"

Snape slammed his hands in the table again "Don't you dare imply that I have never felt love before! You know nothing you selfish little girl! You think yourself the centre of the world do you!? Is it because you cannot even imagine that anyone could fall for someone like me!? COULD IT NOT EVEN OCCUR TO YOU THAT SOMEONE AS UGLY AND ODIOUS AS ME COULD BE FULLY AWARE OF WHAT LOVE IS!?" he seemed to have worked himself up into a wild frenzy now. His face was contorted into a grimace of rage, and spit came flying out of his mouth while he roared.

"Your appearance has nothing to do with this argument Snape!" Where did that come from? And did he just imply that he had felt love before? "Since you are constantly acting like a disgusting arsehole, there is no wonder I would assume you have never felt love before!"

Without notice, Snape threw a chair across the room with surprising strength coming from my body. I automatically stepped away and pulled my wand, but he didn't do anything else. He stared into the fireplace in outrage, his jaws clenched. That was when I'd had enough, and I left the room.

I ran up the stairs to the first floor and locked myself in the living-room. It took me exactly two seconds of breathing before I burst into tears. I usually don't cry and never in front of other people. But the preceding events had made me emotionally exhausted. Of all the people in the world this could have happened to it had to be me? And of all the people in the order it had to be Severus bloody Snape? Why!? The guy was so difficult! I didn't understand him, he was a walking fire hazard! He could explode any second and to make matters worse he could use my body for anything he wanted (he probably wouldn't, but who knew, I didn't really know if I trusted him yet). He didn't even have to do anything, but just the fact that he _could_ terrified me. What if he decided to scare off Remus by being nasty to him (to be fair, if he did do that, I'd strangle him, and I would make sure he knew that).

I guess it could have been worse, I could have switched with Mundungus Fletcher for example . . . or Remus. I shuddered at the thought, that would have been awkward. But that was about it. Snape was the third worst person in the order . . .

And then there was this thing about him having loved someone. Had he really said that? I guess it was wrong of me to assume that he was incapable of love, but I never suggested he was unlovable. Even though that was what he heard me say.

Who had he been in love with? Was it any of my business? No, probably not, but maybe she (or _he_ for that matter, what did I know) was the reason why Snape was so unpleasant? Maybe he had lost someone once? I rolled up my sleeve and snuck a glance at the ugly dark mark on my forearm. Maybe the reason why Snape had taken this mark was because he had lost her, while he had been in a bad place. Or even, maybe the reason he came back to our side was because of her? Who knew?

And then there was this other thing about him believing that I thought he was ugly. Where did that come from? Had he ever cared about his appearance? Did I really think he was ugly? I ran outside again and into the bathroom. There in the mirror was Severus Snapes face staring back at me. I had stopped crying ages ago (I am easily distracted), and I looked more curious than anything. To be honest he wasn't that bad looking really. Of course, his nose, his teeth and his sickly pale skin were not appealing, but his cheekbones had a nice shape and his eyes where deep with a beautiful dark brown colour, almost black. They were framed with long eyelashes that made his eyes look even deeper. Yes, his eyes where pretty. Shame he was too busy terrorizing children to notice. The rest of his body was too skinny and very bony. He clearly didn't take good enough care of himself and his hair . . . well, not my kind of taste.

There was an undefined moment where I decided _not_ to take this situation like it was the end of the world. I was optimistic of nature. It could have been worse after all. I could have switched with someone who was dying, or evil, or both. I could have been kidnapped by deatheaters and tortured for the rest of my life. I was after all alive and well, Snape was not more than twelve years older than me or something, so I would not lose that many years of my life. Everything could generally have been a lot worse. So, I decided to take things as they came. What was the point of wasting my time on regretting things or letting things like this ruin my life? No, I could handle this. And the best way to do that was to get to know Snape better in order to figure out how to deal with him. I told myself to remember that deep deep deep down, Snape was a good guy. Why else would Dumbledore trust him? He was on our side of the war. If Dumbledore trusted him then I could make an effort to trust him too.

I felt kind of bad for accusing Snape of being an emotionless bastard, so I decided to go and apologise to him. You see, I'm a good person. I will apologise even though the other guy would never do the same. I wasn't even sure he deserved it. See what I'm dealing with here? But, I went down the stairs to look for him. He would probably not be in the kitchen. I figured Remus had already gone down there to make himself some tea, so Snape would most likely be hiding in the downstairs parlour, the dining room, or in one of the vacant upstairs bedrooms. I found him hiding in the dining room. He had locked the door with a few intricate wards, but I managed to take them down eventually. He sat at the end of the gigantic gilded dining table with a glass of something that looked suspiciously like whiskey in his hand.

"What do you want?" he said harshly.

"I came to apologise for calling you an emotionless bastard, and for accusing you of not being able to feel love." I said boldly while I sat down across from him. The table was designed like those at Hogwarts, to be the exact same size as the one in the kitchen downstairs. I assumed this table used to have a sort of link between the one downstairs as well once. But it was long gone.

Snape scrutinized me for a second. "Do you really believe apologising will make up for it when you have no regret for what you said?"

I threw my hands up in exasperation. Did he have a compulsion to fight with people even though they tried to be nice to him? Maybe he liked it. For all I knew, it turned him on.

'Merlin Tonks, don't think like that'. "Do you really believe I would apologise for something I didn't regret?"

"Oh I don't know, miss Tonks. You were quite good at it in school. As I recall, you and your friends where caught pranking my office and I clearly recall that you apologised only to avoid punishment from your head of house."

"That was more than ten years ago Snape! I was twelve! Believe it or not, I have actually grown up a bit since then. Besides it didn't work did it? I still got my punishment, and I don't recall pranking your office ever again, so I would kindly advise you to let it go."

"Fine" he said into his whiskey and went quiet. He looked exhausted when I studied him more closely. Had he been crying? Probably not, but he was a bit pale.

Snape suddenly broke the silence with a hesitant "We have to talk."

"We were just talking remember?" I said in a sarcastic tone. I wouldn't exactly call it talking, more like shit-throwing.

"Stop being impudent! we have to talk about some things that . . ." for some reason he didn't continue, and instead he turned beet red. I had never seen him act like that before.

"What?" I said in the same sarcastic tone.

When he still didn't say anything, I got confused and looked at him questioningly, but Instead of answering he turned even redder. That was when it dawned upon me "Oh . . ."

Of course. I hadn't thought about that. None of us where prepared to share all the intimate facts about ourselves to someone else. And I was especially not prepared to share stuff like that with the person sitting across from me. Snape had always appeared to be a very private person. And to think that I had to sit here and tell him how to be a woman . . .

Maybe the reason why Snape had been so snappish for the last few hours was because he had to use the facilities, but didn't dare go without my permission? Suddenly I got a weird compulsion to laugh. It came out as a nervous extremely non-snapeish giggle before I realized it might be a bad idea to laugh in Snapes presence.

Too late . . .

He leapt out of his chair and glared furiously at me. "You think this is funny!?"

"Oh no, I wasn't laughing at you, I promise." I stood as well, went around the table, and put a hand on his arm "Please sit down again. I promise I wasn't laughing at you."

He yanked his arm away from me. "Oh, come on, I'm not laughing at you. I'm laughing at the entire situation. Don't you agree that it is absurd?" I could not for the life of me keep my expression serious "Of course I think this is funny, don't you think so too?"

Snape was not amused.

I couldn't help it, I just had to give him a hug. No matter how unpleasant he was and even though he was scowling and had his arms crossed, at that moment he just looked like a little hurt child. Maybe I was finally seeing through his mask of hostility? I wrapped both arms around him and hugged him gently.

He did not hug me back, (as if I had ever expected him to), but he stiffened noticeably when I touched him and then he pushed me away in annoyance "Don't touch me" he said.

"Why not?"

"Just- I do not like to be touched" he said. I couldn't avoid noticing the awkward streak in his eyes.

"Oh, okay. I'm sorry. I won't do it again if you don't want me to." I said, and felt like an idiot. Had I just given Severus Snape a hug? What had I thought to achieve by that? To make him my best friend? To cover my own awkwardness, I gestured to the table again "Come on, I'll tell you everything you need to know."

I led him back to his chair and started talking. Snape didn't say a single word through my entire explanation of details he needed to know. Not even a snide comment. Thank merlin, that was a pleasant change.

I had always been a very open person. I had talked about boys and about sex with my friends and my parents before, but . . . never in such detail. However, I told myself not to be too embarrassed about anything. What did it really signify anyways? Every woman knew this about themselves and about other women, so why should I not tell the important details to someone who didn't know? Unfortunately, I was a bit too thorough with my explanation in Snapes opinion. He was extremely uncomfortable by the time I finished.

But however uncomfortable he had looked while _I_ was talking, it was nothing to how he looked when it was his turn. He seemed to have a hard time not to squirm in his seat and he turned beet red again. It might have been amusing to let him continue (he was actually stuttering), but the problem with Snape was that his embarrassment would make him angry - again, and I wanted to avoid that.

"You don't have to continue if you don't want to." I said while I lay a hand on his wrist. "I suppose I have some knowledge about how men work. I have a bunch of friends who are painfully open sometimes, and I'm not a virgin. I have seen a naked man before." I wasn't sure if Snape looked relieved or even more uncomfortable.

"Details like this right? If it rises, think of something unpleasant, right?"

"Like me?"

Why on earth would I do that? Merlin, why did this guy have to be so confusing? I really did roll my eyes this time and gave a long exasperated sigh. "No, you twat! I'll think of that head secretary, Dolores Umbridge. She is vile. Or I'll think of Mad-eyes eye in a glass, which is equally repulsive." I shuddered for some dramatic effect and stole a glance at Snape. He didn't smile but at least he had stopped scowling.

"So, you know, I give you permission to take a shower and use the facilities and stuff." Snape nodded slowly "You have my permission as well."

"Thank you."

Snape hesitated for another second before he shot up from his chair "I'll talk to you later."

I couldn't help but smile "Remember to sit down, mate!"

The last thing I heard before he closed the door was an embarrassed growl.


	5. I want to kill Mundungus Fletcher

**Chapter 5:**

After speaking to Snape I wasn't sure what to do with myself. I could probably go downstairs and have some breakfast, but Remus was probably still there, which would be a bit awkward. However, when my stomach started growling loudly I decided to go despite my better judgement.

More people had woken up by then.

Remus, Kingsley, Mad-eye Moody, and Bill Weasley all sat by the table with a cup of tea and a plate of Albuses scrambled eggs, while Mrs Weasley stood by the stove and stirred in a pot of porridge. I wasn't sure why Molly had arrived alone (perhaps she had travelled ahead of her family to make sure Grimmauld place was safe enough for her children to stay?) but it had to mean the rest of the Weasley family would arrive very soon. I knew the Weasleys had been planning to move into the house ever since it was established as the Order headquarters (something about Harry Potter), but I hadn't expected it to be now.

Also, the timing was terribly inconvenient.

Just as Snape and I ended up in a situation were we were forced to deal with each other, we also had to deal with a bunch of children. I didn't know exactly how many children Molly Weasley had, but I expected them to be many. Not good for stress levels.

The Order members by the breakfast table were talking animatedly about something that sounded like quidditch until they spotted me. The conversation stopped abruptly when they all decided to stare at me instead. I hesitated in the doorway. It felt incredibly awkward to be watched by these confused and suspicious faces. I supposed none of them trusted Snape. I had to agree it was quite unpleasant to have him there during the order meetings and I guessed having to deal with Snape during breakfast, which according to Moody was the most important meal of the day, didn't sound pleasant to any of them.

But it hurt to see them give me those suspicious glares even though I had done nothing wrong yet. Maybe this was one of the reasons why Snape was so unpleasant the very instant he showed up? Because he felt unwanted even before he opened his mouth? Maybe he would be more pleasant if we were nice to him first? Just a though that flew through my head in the millisecond I stood in the door.

But, I was still hungry, so I decided to ignore their stares and enter anyways. 'Walk straight and don't trip over anything' I told myself. When Mrs Weasley spotted me she instantly wished me a good morning and asked me whether I wanted a bowl of porridge or some eggs. She at least smiled and greeted me politely and even though it was a bit nervously it made me feel better.

'You don't have to say anything, Tonks. Don't say anything and they will let you be'.

"Porridge please" I said and tried to give her a polite smile (which Snape would kill me for, but it was Mrs Weasley not Sirius Black so who cared). She scooped up a generous portion for me and handed it over with another smile of her own.

"Thank you, Molly" I said and went to sit down by the table. Since the others didn't look too welcoming, I sat down at least four feet away from Bill Weasley who was closest to me. They were still staring suspiciously at me while I blew on my porridge.

"So, Snape. What brings you to Grimmauld place so early in the morning?" said Mad-eye conversationally. I knew he wanted to know wether I was up to something fishy. I had heard him talk to people like that before, even to me that one time I tried to prank him (which failed miserably). Usually I would answer that he was too paranoid for his own good but saying that in Snapes body might make him angry. Or it might reveal who I was. Moody was an observant bugger.

"Albus told me to stay here for a while" I answered. I guess I needed to invent some reason. Perhaps a research project? I expected Mad-eye to ask further, like he usually did, and he didn't disappoint.

"Did he tell you to stay for a particular reason?"

"A research project" I said vaguely. They continued to stare suspiciously at me. "Don't worry, I will not pee in your shoes if that is what you're worried about."

Bill snorted some of his eggs onto the table and covered his mouth. I couldn't help but smile. I actively avoided looking at Remus but when he started speaking I couldn't help it. "We were thinking more like 'please leave Sirius alone'" he said calmly.

Strangely enough this request annoyed me. I knew Remus thought he was talking to Snape, but I hated to hear him talk to me like that. As if he expected me to sneak up to Sirius Black and push him out of the nearest window. "Don't worry, Re- Lupin, I will stay off Black. He won't even notice I'm here" I said and stabbed my porridge with my spoon.

"Good" said Remus and gave me a last warning look before he turned back to his eggs. Moody wasn't convinced though. "If you keep going at him like you usually do I will make sure you regret it Snape" he said warningly. Both his good eye and his magical one were focused at me. I gulped. This was hard. To be threatened by Moody who clearly disliked me now, even though I had been one of his favourite protegès just a few days ago . . . It hurt.

"I'll remember that" I said at last. Hopefully no one noticed the lump I had in my throat.

We all went quiet for a few minutes without doing anything but eat. But soon Remus started casually "So, where is Tonks? I saw you and Albus talking to her earlier this morning. Did she go home?"

This spiked my curiosity. Why did Remus ask about me? Was it because he wanted to make sure Snape hadn't killed me, or was it because he cared about where I was? Could he possibly have feelings for me too? I got a bit distracted by that though until I noticed he was waiting for me to answer.

"Er, no, she's probably still here somewhere" I said and tried to look disinterested.

"If Tonks is here then why has she not come down for breakfast?" asked Mrs Weasley curiously.

"I wouldn't know" I tried my hardest to make a bored tone.

"I'll go get her" said Mrs Weasley and left the room. Bill noticed she had left the bacon without turning off the heat and quickly got up to tend to it. I was basically just hoping Snape would be nice to Mrs Weasley, and I worried too much to care about anything else until Mrs Weasley showed up with Snape in tow. He still looked a bit pale, and his hair was still green which worsened the appearance. "Look at you, you look pale dear. Do you feel ill? Come over here and have a nice bowl of porridge, it'll do you good" Mrs Weasley fussed. She dragged him over to the stove, shooed Bill back to his seat and scooped a huge bowl of porridge which she handed to Snape and ordered him to sit down.

Snape looked a bit overwhelmed but he did as he was told and took the seat across from me next to Kingsley. Bill studied him for a few seconds "You look like shit, are you alright?" Trust a Weasley to be subtle. Snape glanced at me before he answered and I took the opportunity to give him a warning glare 'Be nice or else'.

"I don't feel so good" he answered carefully and picked at his porridge. "I suppose it's the drink I had last evening". I narrowed my eyes. Was this a hint to me? Did he think his peakiness came from our mystery potion?

I was distracted from that line of thought rather quickly when Mrs Weasley exclaimed; "Nonsense. You've come down with the flu, I'm sure. But don't worry all you need is a good meal, a good cup of tea and some rest. Then you'll be perfectly fine." She magically tilted an avalanche of bacon onto Remus's plate and levitated a gigantic mug of tea to Snape at the same time.

"Molly! That is by far too much!" Remus exclaimed while he backed away in his seat to avoid being hit by more flying bacon.

"Nonsense" said Mrs Weasley while she glared warningly at Bill who had just reached out to steal a piece of bacon from Remuses plate. The rest of the bacon flew to all the other plates whatever that person had been eating before. I even got a bunch of bacon strips on my porridge. I didn't think those types of food would fit together but I ate it anyway.

After that the others loosened up a bit when they were sure I didn't care about anything else than my porridge (I did care but I pretended not to) while they continued to talk about some broom that Mad-eye had once owned. It seemed to go well until I glanced at Snape again. He was even paler than he had been ten minutes ago and I looked on in alarm while he put his head in his hands and squeezed his eyes shut. He looked really ill.

"Kingsley!" I said loudly to get his attention. I gestured with my head towards Snape who just at that moment lost consciousness and slumped against the table. Kingsley was on his feet in an instant and kept him from falling off his chair.

"Molly, some help please!"

Molly cast some diagnostic charms over Snape and concluded that he had a very high fever. "Oh no, Kingsley dear will you carry her up to one of the rooms upstairs and put her on the bed. I need to tend to her. Bill, go get my supplies from our suitcases upstairs. Remus, Alastor, Severus, please stay here. There is nothing to worry about, it is just an exhaustion I'm sure." As Kingsley and Molly left I sat back down in my chair. Apparently, I must have got up at some point. I was worried as well, believe it or not, but my first thought was that I needed to contact Albus right away.

Should I just leave while Remus and Mad-eye were still in the room? But that issue solved itself when Remus suddenly stood and left without a word. When it was only me and Mad-eye left, the latter glared at me for another ten seconds before he too left with a muttering excuse about work.

Good. I had the fireplace for myself.

I flooed straight into Dumbledores office without even bothering to give a head notice. Luckily, Albus had decided to eat his breakfast in his office today. He was sitting by his desk with a piece of toast in one hand and a book in the other when I entered, but when I spoke he dropped his toast in alarm.

"Snape is ill, he fainted about a minute ago. Molly insists that it's just the flu and that he fainted from exhaustion, but I think you should contact that woman again" I said. Albus stood up without a word and flooed away, leaving me alone in his office.

Well that was awfully polite.

I slumped down in one of the headmasters chairs and stared at his half eaten toast. Was it really just a flu or could it be aftereffects of the potion? But if it was, why didn't I feel anything? In fact, I was completely fine, except for the fact that I was Severus bloody Snape. But that was a completely different matter. How bloody ironic would it be if Snape died in my body at this moment and left me stuck in his forever? Well, then I would tell everyone who I was and nobody could stop me, not even Albus. I supposed people would be glad to hear that I wasn't dead after all. But then again, that would mean people were relieved to hear it was Snape who had died and not me.

What a sad thought.

I would be devastated to know that people were happy _I_ had died instead of someone else. Like I didn't even matter. Like I was worth nothing.

Great, now I felt sorry for Snape for something that hadn't even happened.

Then it hit me how much my life would change if I really did get stuck in Snapes body forever. I was currently a deatheater and I had the mark to prove it. Would Albus want me to continue the work that Snape had done for the order? Would he ask me to walk into Voldemorts lair and pretend to serve him? That was what Snape was doing right? He was a spy for the order. A double agent.

Nobody liked him. Well that could change if he started treating people nicely. He had a job that he clearly didn't like. Even though I had nothing against children per sè, Potions was not my favourite subject. He was sickly thin and not overly handsome. Not to mention the vital detail that he was _male_. I would never have a chance with Remus if I was male (and especially not if I was Severus Snape). Unless Remus was into that sort of thing . . . In that case, it might not be a problem . . .

But basically, his life sounded like shit in my head and I slowly started to panic. What if he died? What if I _did_ get stuck in his body forever? My life would be ruined. Just because of some stupid potion and Mundungus bloody Fletcher . . .

Then I felt guilty for thinking more about myself than of Snape.

Of course I would be sad if he died . . .

I was about to conduct a plan of how best to strangle Mundungus Fletcher if Snape really did die when Albus stepped out of the fireplace with Amaryllis in tow.

"There you are, now, where is the other one?" asked Amaryllis in confusion.

"I'm afraid he is in the headquarters so we will have to go there and find him. Now if you would be so kind as to come over here so I can cast an invisibility spell over you." Said Dumbledore and waved his wand at her when she stepped towards him. She instantly disappeared and so did Albus a second later.

"Sev- I mean Tonks, can you floo into the headquarters first so we can follow in case someone is in the kitchen. Amaryllis and I need to see Severus, but it would look suspicious if I came to the headquarters just to check in on _you_ when you only have the common flu. We need you to coach Molly or whoever is looking after Severus to leave for a few minutes so that we can get in and do some diagnostics. If it is nothing to worry about I want you to follow us back to my office, but if it is bad I will take care of the matter.

I nodded. To what exhausting lengths we had to go just to keep a bloody secret. Wouldn't it be better if we just told everyone in the Order so they could be on guard as well?

"You know that Moody might still be in the building, right?" I reminded him.

"Oh, I'll manage him. Don't worry" said Albuses voice with confidence.

"How are you doing dear?" said Amaryllises voice to my right. "You look perfectly fine. Do you feel faint at all?" I felt some magic sweep over me. It was obvious that she cast diagnostic spells.

"I'm fine . . . surprisingly enough."

"Yes, I see you are completely fine. A bit undernourished perhaps, but that is another matter. How odd. If it is a lingering effect from the potion I would suspect to see symptoms on both of you . . . but of course, it could also be an allergic reaction. Well, we better get going" said Amaryllis.

"Tonks, after you" said Dumbledres voice.

I snuck trough the fireplace, counting on Albus and Amaryllis to follow me. Through the kitchen (which was empty) up the stairs and into the room where Snape had been placed. In there was only Molly. She seemed to have thrown out any hovering males (if there had been any) and made herself busy by brewing a fever reducing potion in a corner. But what did I say to make her leave? I had to come up with something before she noticed me.

But she looked up and noticed me.

At her questioning look I thought I'd have to say something smart and articulate in order to pass across as Snape, so I said; "Err . . ."

Then I realised it wasn't the best way to start ". . . Would you like some help, Molly?"

She looked confused for a moment before she glanced at Snape who lay still unconscious on the bed and then back to me. A flash of wonder went over her face as if she had just realized something. "No, thank you Severus, that is very kind, but I think I will be fine."

I might have blushed in embarrassment. Great, now Molly thought Snape had a thing for me. He would hate me for this. But I still hadn't found a way to make her leave so I continued to stand there, not sure what to say. But then, as luck had it, Molly started looking for something around her workstation and sighed. "Actually, there is something you can help me with. I seem to have misplaced my flask of horklump juice, I don't suppose you have some?"

I found this quite funny. It was a bit of a silly question, especially coming from Molly and I couldn't help but smile. "I may be a potions teacher, but I don't usually carry ingredients around in my pockets, Molly". I hoped she didn't take my tone as degrading, but thankfully she saw my smile.

She tutted at her own silliness with an embarrassed smile "Silly me, I am sorry, I am quite gone today."

"I could however, look after your potion while you find it. That much I can do at least" I said and grabbed the opportunity when I saw it. When Molly still hesitated I said "Don't worry, I won't poison her. At least not when I can be caught so easily" I added with another crooked smile and gave myself a mental pat on the back for my awesome acting skills.

Molly rolled her eyes at me, but the distrust in her eyes had disappeared. She rose and dusted her robes. "Alright then. Make sure to stir every minute and cut the jillflower leaves with-" then she stopped herself when she realized who she was talking to. "Oh, you know how to brew this. Of course you do. Silly me" she said again. She looked like she was blushing slightly "I'll be right back."

Thank merlin I knew how to brew that potion.

While I sat down, started to cut the jillflower leaves and stirred every now and then, I heard some of Albus and Amaryllises whispering words over Snapes unconscious form. "Very high fever, yes yes", "Nothing out of the usual" and "Curious". I was reassured to hear none of their voices sounded alarmed.

Molly came back immensely fast with a bottle of horclump juice in her hand. "Thank you for your help, Severus, that is very kind." She put the bottle on the worktable, but she didn't relieve me of the potion immediately. Perhaps she expected me to finish it since I was there. The only problem was that I had no room to make a mistake, lest she should get suspicious of me. She expected Severus Snape to be able to do this potion in his sleep, but I actually had to read the instructions. I stepped away and gave her the stirrer a bit awkwardly.

"You don't want to help out?" asked Molly a bit perplexed.

"No, you'll be fine. I should leave now."

"Oh, but you are welcome to stay if you want to. I only threw out Kingsley because he tends to hover."

I couldn't help but smile at this. Kingsley did tend to hover when someone was hurt or ill. He was simply a very caring guy. "Er, no" I said, and went for the door "I should go." I left without even bothering to check wether Albus and Amaryllis were finished. I didn't want to stay there any longer. I went down the stairs to the kitchen and waited by the table until a felt a tap on my shoulder from someone invisible. I took that as a cue to floo to Albuses office.

Well back in the headmasters office, Albus dropped the invisibility spells on himself and Amaryllis. "It seems to be nothing more than a regular flu" said Amaryllis cheerfully. "Nothing to worry about."

"Yes that is good news" said Albus and sat down in his chair behind the desk. "I am pleased to hear that it is nothing dangerous. Lemon drop anyone?" We all took one but I dropped mine in surprise when Albus exclaimed "Oh, Merlins beard! I have to ask you to leave, I have a meeting with the minister of magic after breakfast. He could show up any minute now."

"I will talk to you both later then" said Amaryllis. She patted my elbow before she disappeared in the fireplace.

I hesitated for a moment "Are you sure Snape is okay?"

"Positive my dear" said Albus and smiled.

I nodded and flooed back to Grimmauld place for the umpteenth time that morning. The kitchen was empty but the plates where still on the table. I helped myself to some bacon from Remuses plate before I started cleaning it all away by hand just to have something to do. When I finished with that I tried to practice my household spells on the rest of the kitchen (my dusting spells are rubbish).

And that was how I spent the next hours, by mostly cleaning things randomly or waiting. What I was waiting for I had no idea. There were moments when I wondered if I should go and see how Snape was doing, but I decided it would look too suspicious. The most eventful part of the day was when I tried to use the restroom. I don't need to tell you about that, you can imagine I had some trouble at first. I kept mostly to the library where I tried to read a book on ancient potions-making and its history. There was nothing in it about The Well of Lives but it might still have been interesting if I had managed to concentrate properly. My mind didn't want to work with me. It came back to the same distracting thought that Remus probably didn't prefer men. I didn't even know why I kept thinking about that. In the end, it became quite annoying.

Molly had made Sirius take care of Snape while she made dinner so he would avoid bumping into _me_ (which I thought was rather ironic). And then she placed me and Sirius on complete opposite sides of the table throughout dinner. Sirius glared at me from time to time. He looked like he wanted nothing more than to throw me out, but someone had apparently told him I was here on Albuses orders, so he didn't say anything. Even though I ignored him for the most part, his behaviour hurt, just like the behaviour of the rest of the order who didn't bother to talk to me either.

The only good thing about dinner was the presence of the Weasley children. They had appeared in the house sometime during the day and they were loud and noisy for the rest of the evening. But at least their presence made it easier to become invisible. I know, a dire thought indeed. I hated being invisible. If I had been able to choose I would have found myself in the middle of the crowd, laughing away with the Weasley twins for example. But it was easier to stay quiet and away from their glares.

In the end I found a random tiny and vacant bedroom in the third floor next to Snapes room. I thanked Merlin the kids had rooms in the floors above, so I wouldn't have to stumble into them if I needed to use the loo at night. Albus had even sent a house-elf to fetch some of Snapes clothes for me. The only clothes he had were his long black robes and some long grey nightshirts that reached to his knees. Seriously how old was this guy? 150?

Even though it was only about nine o'clock I had never felt so exhausted in my life. This had been a very, very long day.

* * *

In the quiet hours of the night something stirred in the deeps of the house. In one of Grimmauld places most secret rooms, a light suddenly appeared and pulsed dimly in the darkness. The source was a large wardrobe, placed in the middle of the floor. The light streamed from its keyhole, but it lasted only for a moment. Then the light disappeared and left the lonesome wardrobe in total darkness. Nothing more happened until the wardrobe doors started rattling.


	6. Things go better, or not

**Chapter 6:**

When I woke up I felt sweaty and sticky, all my muscles where aching and I had a pounding headache. I hadn't bothered to draw the curtains together last night and a painfully bright beam of sunlight hit me in the face. I was tempted to stay in bed for the rest of the day but when I peeked at my wristwatch I felt a sudden wave of panic. That wasn't my wristwatch! It wasn't even my wrist!

No, no of course it wasn't my wrist. I shut my eyes against the bright sunlight and groaned. Of course, it wasn't my wrist, my wrist was in the room next door.

That was a morbid thought.

I looked at the watch again. 9:30 in the morning. Merlins beard, I had slept for twelve hours. Even though my stomach growled the second it knew it was breakfast-time I decided to take a shower first to get rid of the stickiness. My eyes where so blotched from sleep I could hardly see. I took another five minutes to breathe and to slow down my rapid heartbeat before I got up.

Ugh, there was that butt-ugly nightshirt again. I couldn't stand looking at it another second so I took it off and tossed it back into the open suitcase with Snapes things on the floor.

However, that meant I had to get dressed before I left the room. I couldn't exactly go outside in my underwear. How exhausting. I stumbled over to the suitcase and found a towel and a toothbrush before I put on the same long black and boring robes from yesterday. Didn't Snape have anything else to wear? I needed a pair of jeans. I got distracted for a moment by the thought of dressing Snape in jeans and a t-shirt. I had never seen him wear anything else than his unwelcoming robes. How did he make them billow like that? That had always fascinated me. However, robes were bloody impractical for daily use and they were downright dangerous in stairs. Especially for me. You know who I am.

The bathroom in the third floor was gloomy with dark colours and metal snakes everywhere. The sink tap, the bathtub feet and even the showerhead was shaped like a snake with water coming out of its open mouth. How morbid. I breathed again. 'Okay Dora, time to take off your clothes'. Merlin, everything I thought of this morning was morbid, even the thought of showering.

I hesitated. Maybe I should chicken out and clean myself with a cleaning spell? But no, I hated using cleaning spells. It always felt like I was covered In some sort of imaginary powder afterwards. So I decided I had to shower properly. I had already been forced to use the toilet several times so I had seen everything by now. I wasn't sure what the problem was. Probably the fact that I hadn't dared to dress myself completely naked yet. I felt as if I was violating Snapes privacy . . . which I technically _was_. But how else was I supposed to shower? I guess I could simply refrain from showering at all but that was even worse than using a cleaning spell. I didn't want to walk around looking and smelling like a pile of dung, which I did at the moment (sorry Snape).

I decided not to look at myself in the faded mirror and turned around to take off my robes. But alas, when I was butt naked I couldn't resist the temptation to peek. I felt bad about it immediately afterwards but the mirror wasn't big enough to show his (my) entire body (I'm not a pervert! . . . I think . . .), just the chest region. But what I saw shocked me a little bit. He was thinner than I had originally thought, sickly so in fact and very pale. As if he hadn't been in the sunlight for decades. That probably wasn't too far from the truth. I didn't know much about this man's life but he obviously didn't treat his body well.

But the most shocking features were the scars that covered his torso and back. There weren't that many, I counted six on his torso, a long twisted sar along his left calf and two slashes on his left thigh when I dared to look but some of them where big and looked quite new even though they had healed nicely. He took care of that at least, or maybe someone else had. I found even more scars on his back but they all looked a lot older. Had all of these come from Voldemort? I knew from what Dumbledore had told us, that Snape had gone back to Voldemort later than the rest of his deatheaters and that Voldemort had needed a lot of persuading before he finally believed Snape to be on his side. But Dumbledore had never mentioned how much Snape had to go through before he Voldemort believed him. Then again maybe Snape had asked Dumbledore not to tell. I guess I could understand why.

I showered quickly and got dressed even faster. I had to use bar soap because there was no shampoo around. But I felt immensely better and refreshed afterwards. Snape didn't seem to have a hairbrush, or maybe the house elves forgot to pack one. I figured I could borrow my own brush but that was somewhere inside Snapes room (unless the houseelves forgot to pack it) and I didn't dare walk in there while he might still be asleep. So instead I went down to the kitchen still with wet and tangled hair, thinking I'd have to wait until he woke up before I snuck in to borrow (steal) it.

It turned out Snape was already awake. He sat by the kitchen table with a cup of tea. He was still pale but he looked a lot better than he had yesterday. The fact that he had changed his haircolour to a less sickly colour (hazelnut brown) improved the matter immensely. He greeted me with a scowl that deepened even further when he realized I had taken a shower. The Weasley children sniggered together at the end of the table while Snape sat alone on the other side. Any other adults were absent. I figured the children would gawk and start throwing hayforks and torches at me if I tried to sit with _them_ , so I joined Snape after helping myself with a pile of eggs.

"Feeling better today?" I said in an attempt to start a civilized conversation.

He ignored my question and continued to scowl at me while I sat down and picked up my fork to eat.

"You had a shower" His tone was accusing.

"Yes I did."

His expression changed suddenly to a mocking sneer "Did you like what you saw?"

I wasn't sure what to say to that. I was painfully aware that he tried to rile me up again (was that the only form of conversation he knew?) or make me feel ashamed for showering. Which was stupid by the way. But we were currently right in front of the Weasley children and I refused to start a bloody fight again while they could hear. I also refused to feel shame for something I couldn't help. It wasn't _my_ fault we were in this situation. Did I actually want to answer his stupid question? Tell him the truth and risk making him even more angry? Was he asking because I had seen him naked or because I had seen his scars . . . Or both?

I stayed silent for too long and Snape seemed to believe he had knocked me off guard. He leaned forward and asked in a dangerously sweet tone: "Did you study everything?"

"Oh, come on, Snape" I said in an exasperated whisper "you gave me permission yesterday to do all the essentials and I did the same for you. Or did you forget? It's not like we can avoid it in the end. I assume you haven't taken a shower yet, but eventually you're gonna have to. In fact I want you to take a shower at least every other day."

He looked taken aback by my frankness and I saw a flicker of something (was that insecurity?) in his eyes. "No!" he whispered harshly "I refuse to do that!"

"Why not? It's just a shower. And I've already told you I'm fine with it."

"I will not have this discussion with you now!" said Snape in an even quieter voice and looked over at the Weasley kids. I found that ironic because he had been the one to bring it up. But the youngest girl, Ginny might have been her name, had noticed our whispering banter and threw us some curious glances.

"Fine, then we can talk about somewhere else" I said annoyed. Apparently, one could never have a peaceful conversation with Severus Snape. But I was mostly annoyed at myself for falling for his taunting after all.

He scowled at me in a sort of challenge, but I ignored him while I gulped down the rest of my eggs. When he opened his mouth to say something else, he was cut off by Mrs Weasley who came down the stairs to the kitchen and yelled "Ok kids, time to go cleaning!"

All the kids groaned from the other end of the table but Molly would have none of it. "Get off your arses, you will do as I say" she barked and then she turned to me and Snape "Oh, good morning Professor Snape."

"Good morning, Molly" I said with a – bit of a forced - smile.

"Are you feeling better, Tonks?" she went over to Snape to feel his forehead "You certainly do look a lot better than you did earlier this morning. Some breakfast always does you good."

"Yes, I feel a lot better, thank you Mrs Weasley" said Snape surprisingly politely. He even gave her a little smile.

"Oh, how wonderful" she clapped her hands together and proceeded to shove her children out if their chairs and ushering them out. "But mum, we are seventeen, you can't make us" tried one of the twins, Fred? Or was it George?

But molly put her hands on her hips and glared threateningly at her son. "And what exactly do you have that is more important, hm?" the twin backed away a little bit "Nothing mum."

"Well then, quit your whining and come with me" she ordered. But as they moved towards the door she turned to me again "Oh, professor Snape, you are welcome to join us if you want to, but I think you should have some more rest dear Tonks."

At his mothers' words, the only remaining kid in the room (the kids name was Roland right?) whipped his head around to stare horrified at his mother for what she had just suggested. Then he glanced at me with a clearly hostile expression. Molly didn't notice.

"No thanks Molly, I think I will pass for now" I said politely, even though I couldn't help giving the last Weasley child a glare to tell him I had seen his reaction. He turned beet red and ran out of the room.

"Oh well, I'll see you later then, and remember I will make lunch at about one o'clock if you care to join us."

"Thank you Molly" I said again.

I turned back to Snape the second she was out of the room "So, back to our discussion."

"I am in no mood to discuss this now, Miss Tonks" said Snape harshly and stood up to leave.

"Well I am going to bring it up eventually, so we might as well talk about it now."

He turned to glare at me, again, and I raised my eyebrows at him. "Take your chances, if you leave now, I might follow you."

He let out another snarl before he sat down across from me again, then he turned to the door and cast a spell at it that I had never seen before.

I decided to ignore his childish behaviour and ask about the spell instead. "What was that?"

"It is a spell that allows us to talk freely without being overheard. We will hear them coming but they will only hear some indistinct chatter."

"I have never seen that spell before, where did you find it?"

"I invented it."

"You invented it yourself? That is . . . so cool!" I said sincerely. "Would you teach me?"

He studied me dubiously for a minute, seemingly unsure as to why I suddenly changed the subject. Then he nodded before he proceeded to tell me how to do it. "- and then you say muffiliato" he finished. I copied him, and I saw a sort of transparent filter shoot trough my wand and cover the area I aimed at.

"To take it down again you simply say 'finite', or leave it and it will fade after a few hours" he finished.

"Oh, that's brilliant!" I exclaimed. To my great surprise, Snape gave me a small but genuine smile "Thank you."

We sat in silence for a minute while I cited the spell in my head until Snape stood up to leave "Well if that is all-"

"Oh, no you don't!" I exclaimed. "Sorry, I got a bit side-tracked there."

Snape remained standing and crossed his arms. The atmosphere turned awkward, at least from my side. Snapes face was expressionless. I used a moment to maul over the question on order to ask it in a way he would find the least insulting. Then I decided to screw it.

"Are you afraid of . . . you know, seeing yourself naked" I gestured towards his (now very female) body "because you think I might judge you as pervert? Or that I might think you are taking advantage of the situation?"

He stood very still for a moment. His face was still expressionless but I could see that he was thinking very fast. Maybe he was considering whether to tell me or not. I have learned some interrogation techniques from Mad-eye over the years and if there was one thing I knew, it was in a situation like this, it was better not to push the subject. Be quiet and wait, and they would eventually tell you everything. After another eternity where I constantly had to tell myself to shut up, he finally answered:

"No".

"Then what?" I said in confusion.

"Why would I need a reason?"

"Well, I assume you do otherwise you wouldn't have refused at all."

Snape exhaled and evaded my eyes. "I just want to keep my privacy!" he said harshly.

"I know" I said. I knew he wasn't just talking about the shower issue he was talking about the entire situation. "Don't you think I feel the same way?"

"Then how can you say you're fine with this?"

"Do I have a choice? Were stuck in this situation for an indefinite amount of time. I can't just command you to keep from going to the toilet just because I don't want you to see me naked. That would be unfair. Were both forced to deal with it . . . and I know, you feel like you're being violated, right? I understand that, I feel the same way, but there is nothing we can do about it."

He looked away again "I know. But I do not want to be that kind of man."

". . . The kind of man that showers?" I asked jokingly without thinking. I realized my error when I saw his face. "Sorry, bad joke!" I exclaimed before he had time to give back some biting or insulting remark. "I was just trying to make the atmosphere lighter . . . and I failed miserably, apparently."

He didn't move. "Aw come on, please sit down Professor Snape. Look, I'll make you another cup of tea to make up for my stupidity." I hurried around the table and coaxed him into his chair before I headed to the sink to refill the kettle. I only tripped over one chair on my way. "Look we are both involved in this mad situation together and I think the best way to avoid it being shit for both of us is to talk to each other. I don't mean I tell you what you need to know as a woman and you tell me what I need to know as a man, that is not all. We need to communicate with each other as well, you know. If you have a problem, you can talk to me about it. I might be able to help you."

I carried the steaming tea-mugs carefully back to the table and sat down while I talked. "We're in this together you know. I know what you are going through because we are going through the same thing. I won't judge you if you have worries about seeing yourself naked or whatever, it doesn't matter. If you are afraid I will think you are a pervert, don't worry. I won't. I trust you. I know there are some in the order that doubt your allegiance to us, but Dumbledore trusts you therefore I trust you. I should say I am just as afraid that you will think _I_ am a pervert. I'm not though, I promise. I will never take advantage of you in that way."

I stretched out my hand and lay it on top of his. He did not snatch it away, but he looked like he very much wanted to. I continued anyway. "Listen, I not gonna lie, you can behave like a rude bastard at times but I have nothing against _you_ and I have no desire to thwart you or embarrass you so please let us just be friends, or . . . you know, friendly at least."

I took my hand off his and picked up my tea-mug with both hands. "If I say something that makes you angry or anything then it is most likely not on purpose. I usually don't run around insulting people deliberately."

Snape studied me for a long time before he spoke. "That was a very long apology". He picked up his own mug and studied it for a moment. "So you say you don't run around insulting people on purpose. Was that unlike me, you mean?"

Oh Merlin. My heart sank. Was he trying to start another fight or force me to deny it just to see me squirm? But when I looked up at his face I saw a tiny hint of mischief in his eyes and I relaxed "Yes, unlike you."

The corner of his mouth twitched slightly upward. Apparently, I had passed some kind of test of his, because he said "Fine, friends."

I had to laugh in disbelief. Snape as a total weirdo. But I still cheered ' _Yess!'_ in my mind and did a little mental air-fist-pump for my own achievement. Friends with Snape. What a progress.

We sat in silence for a minute while drinking tea, but I couldn't hold it for long. "So . . . What did you mean by 'I don't want to be that man'?" I asked carefully after a while.

"Never mind, miss Tonks."

I leaned back in my chair and studied him closely, he was right, maybe this was not the right time. "Fine mister, but don't you think I will forget it. I will bring it up eventually."

I wish I could say that the rest of the day went on uneventfully, but that would have been a lie. Well the rest of the morning and early afternoon did go on quite uneventfully. I suggested that the old Grimmauld place library might have some literature about ancient potions, so we spent most of our time in there looking for something that could be useful for Dumbledore and Amarylliss research. We sat mostly in silence, leafing through books that might be interesting but we found nothing.

Snapes company was quiet but okay until Sirius Black showed up. He interrupted us rudely by bursting through the door wanting to talk to me (or Snape at the moment) about something. I mouthed 'be nice' while he passed me on his way out of the library. After the talk with Sirius, Snape became more and more grumpy and impatient until he exploded half an hour later. "This is not going to work, the library is useless!" he threw the book into the wall and rose angrily.

I slammed my book shut and stood as well "Listen I understand that you might be frustrated but there is no use in destroying things" I said while I walked over to the mutilated book and picked it up. The book cover had separated from the rest.

"What do you know?" he asked angrily.

I looked at him in confusion. Hadn't we just agreed to be friends? "What has gotten into you? Why are you so angry all of a sudden?"

"Who says I am angry?"

"Could have fooled me. What exactly did Sirius tell you?"

"Perhaps if you refrained from sticking your nose into my business, I would be fine?"

"I don't understand. Why are you taking this out on me?"

"I don't know, maybe if you hadn't made us drink that potion we wouldn't have been in this mess!?"

I stared at him in disbelief "Now you are going too far!" This time it was my turn to grow angry. How could he suddenly put the blame on me? That was unfair.

"Oh am I?" he said and glared defiantly at me.

I threw up my arms "You know what, I have had enough! I'm going home and you can stay here and be miserable by yourself." I left him standing there alone.


	7. I scare my dad and take his pants

**Chapter 7:**

I was sick and tired of this man by now, so I stormed out of the room and out of the front door at Grimmaulds place. Then I apparated away. I didn't really think about where I wanted to go until I noticed I had appeared in front om my mum and dads house. I looked exactly the same as it had last time I visited (which was last week or something). But now it looked strange and unfamiliar as if I didn't belong there anymore. I hesitated. I wanted nothing more than to storm in there and throw myself in my mums arms but how would she receive me now?

I stood there and stared at the door for another minute only listening to my own breath. I felt an irrational fear that my parents would reject me when I looked like Snape and that they wouldn't want me anymore. But I had to tell myself I was being silly. They wouldn't just throw me off because I had changed my appearance. No, I had to talk to them now before I burst. I was so angry at the world at the moment, and at fate, and at that stupid idiot . . .

I took a deep breath and knocked on the door. I heard my dad inside yell something to my mum and then the door opened. It was a relief to see my dad look exactly the same as he had last week, the only difference was that he had a surprised, suspicious and slightly alarmed expression on his face. I couldn't blame him. There was a strange man on his doorstep. After we heard of the return of Voldemort, my dad had been very suspicious of strangers and we had put all the best protection spells on our house except for a fidelius charm. The fact that a strange man was even able to find the house must have been very alarming for him. I knew he was pulling his wand out behind the door.

"Who are you?"

"Hi, ahm . . . ." I didn't know what to say. Did I just call him dad? He was used to seeing me change my appearance, I had shown my parents what I could do but I had never before come home looking like someone else. Besides, there was this tiny fact that I was now male and as I have mentioned before there is a limit to my abilities. I cannot change my gender. I can change myself enough to look like a male but I can't physically change into a guy. Anyways, while I stood there and mused over what to tell him first, my dad pulled out his wand and pointed it at me. "Who are you, and how did you find this house? Answer me now mister!" he said warningly and thrust his wand at me.

"It's me, dad, it's me!" I blurted and held my hands up to show him I was unarmed. My dad stared at me in disbelief before he exclaimed "Dora!? Why do you come home looking like that?" he lowered his wand slightly but his suspicious expression didn't disappear.

"It's a long story dad, I have to tell you both. Look, just ask me the question so I can come in."

After three years with Mad-eye as my supervisor and mentor I'd had that 'constant vigilance' crap knocked thoroughly into my head. The days after we heard of Voldemorts return he had advised all the order members to do security questions before we gave away important information or let someone into our houses. But Mad-eye had a point. We had no idea what Voldemort was up to right now.

Dad eyed me curiously before he said; "Well then, what did we give you for your seventh birthday?"

I smiled "You gave me a bike so I could learn how to ride one. Mum was very fascinated at first because she had never seen one before. She wouldn't let me try it before she had examined it properly" my dad nodded "Alright Dora, it is really you, come in, come in."

"Dad, remember I have to ask you a question too, we have been through this."

"Ah, Mad-eye and his 'vigilance', alright alright, go on."

"What did you tell me last time I saw you, about my mum?"

"Dora! How can you ask that? She is in the living room, she can hear us!"

"Just answer the question, dad" I said laughing.

"Alright, alright, I said that she had a nice arse, happy?"

"Something I didn't need to hear. You knew I would use it against you."

"Just get in here you punk" he gave a crooked smile and opened the door. I went in to the sitting room where my mum sat in the sofa with a pleased smile on her face. It disappeared when she saw me, and was replaced by an expression of confusion. "Dora, is that you?"

"Yeah, it's me, mum."

"Why do you look like that?"

"Ah . . . that is what I came to talk to you about."

"Oh, ok . . . Well sit down dear." She said even more confused.

"Why don't you change back so that we can talk to you properly, dear?" asked my dad and waved his wand to summon a tray of teacups and a pot. I stared down at my feet for a moment "I can't" I said before I surprised everyone, even myself, by bursting into tears. Again. My parents looked at each other in alarm. As I said before, I usually didn't cry in front of people. My mum was at my side instantly and patted my back.

"I can't change back!" I managed to choke out. I told them everything about the change and about Amaryllis and how she didn't know if she could find a cure. "And Snape acts like he believes it is all my fault, and he keeps lashing out at me or shutting himself off. And Dumbledore told us to pretend that nothing's happened, so I have to act like Snape all the time and I don't know what to do about myself." Mum and dad listened intently and when I finished they were unusually quiet. Mum poured herself a cup of tea and drank all of it before she said; "are you sure there is no cure?"

"Yes! . . . Well, Dumbledore and Amaryllis are working on it, but I doubt they will be able to find it" I said downcast. This time mum put her cup down and enveloped me in a hug. "Dora, you know we will love you no matter how you look, right?"

She didn't need to say it. I already knew that, but hearing it made me feel immensely better and I dried my tears "Thanks mum."

I took the teacup mum handed to me and took a sip before I remembered something "Amaryllis told us an important bit of information. A saying; something about liquid sunshine, and we would find our revelations . . . but I don't know what it means."

"Liquid sunshine?" asked my dad thoughtfully.

"What could that mean?" asked my mum.

"I don't know, but apparently, it is a saying that has been passed down through generations. It has some kind of connection to this potion" I said.

"Liquid sunshine . . . " said my dad again "you know, in ancient poems liquid sunshine was used as a metaphor for rain."

"Rain?" I asked dubiously.

"How can that be of any help?" asked mum with the same dubious tone.

"I guess we'll find out" said dad still thoughtfully and looked out of the window. I exchanged a look with my mum. I didn't think rain could have anything to do with this. There was nothing magical about rain was there?

"So, about this Severus Snape dear . . . Wasn't he a deatheater?" said mum carefully. I sighed. "He was, but Dumbledore trusts him. Although he seems to want us all to believe he is still a bad guy". I told them everything about how he behaved at order meetings and how his reaction had been to the potion and how he had acted since. "He is a walking mood swing, you have no idea how his mood is from one moment to the next and I don't understand him at all."

"You have told us before how he behaved as a teacher, and he did not sound like a good man then either, but he seems . . . troubled. Perhaps that is the reason why he cannot act civilly towards others?" said mum helpfully. "Perhaps his life has been very trying for him?"

"I know there is a lot of pressure on him" I said while I continued to sip my tea. "He is a spy for the order which involves having to play a deatheater for Voldemort. I am sure that is quite stressful, but that doesn't give him the right to treat his students badly, nor his fellow order members. He treats Sirius like shit because he wants to take revenge for how Sirius treated him at school. He should have forgiven him by now. It was 20 years ago. And when this happened" I gestured in the direction of my own chest "He began throwing shit at me as well. And when he is not doing that he shuts himself away. I am only trying to help."

"Well, if he really is a good man as you say, and I do trust Dumbledores judgement, maybe he keeps hiding away and being rude because he feels guilty? Maybe he feels bad because he believes it is his fault you two are in this mess? Maybe it would work to tell him that you do not blame him and that you know this is not his fault?"

"I don't even know if there is any point in talking to him."

"There is always a point in trying to talk to someone" said mum "As far as I understand, this man has never had anyone to talk to before. Maybe if you talked to him about his feelings he will warm up to you?"

I stared at my teacup for a long time. They were right. I should give him a chance to calm down and talk properly with him for a change. The only trick was figuring out how to do that.

"Thanks mum, thanks dad" I kissed them both on the cheek. Then I realised how strange it must be for both of them to be kissed by a strange man. Too late though. "May I stay for dinner?" I asked. "The guys at the headquarters aren't very friendly nowadays."

"What? Why not?" asked my mum incredulously, but then she realized "Oh, not to you of course but to Snape?"

"Yeah."

"Well that is what happens when he keeps acting like a bastard. Then people will treat him like one" said mum and wrapped me in another tighter hug "I am so sorry you have to go through that on his behalf." Then she released me and put her hands on my shoulders.

"Well let me look at you" she said with a bit of mischief in her voice. It was obvious she wanted to lighten the mood. "It could be worse, although this man could never be considered eyecandy-"

"Mum!" I exclaimed laughing at her choice of word. I had taught her that word a few years ago when I accidentally used it in her presence. That had resulted in me having to explain to her what it meant before I had to teach her some more modern muggle-slang for good measure. After that she had been using muggle slang on random occasions, some which had left me quite embarrassed.

"Oh, you know what I mean" she said "Not the most attractive man in the world, but he does have the potential to look handsome if he tried. His hair does not suit him and his teeth are a bit miscoloured but if you fix that you'll look vastly better. I can see that this man clearly doesn't treat himself well. Look how thin you are. And you are way too pale for your own good. I think you have some vitamin deficiencies. You have this sort of grey pallor. You need to give this man a talking. Listen, I can whip up a little vitamin potion right now. It won't fix everything right away but it will help a little. Will you let me do that dear?"

"Yeah, thanks mum" I said happily. Mum left the room and I heard her tinker around in our small potions lab down the hall.

"Dad, I don't suppose you have some muggle clothes I can borrow until I get to sneak out and buy some for myself. I can't exactly go shopping dressed like this and I can't stand this style of clothing for much longer."

Dad smiled and rose from his chair "I might have some leftover clothes from my twenties that might fit you, but you must realize you are much skinnier than I ever was."

"I know dad, it's only until I can buy my own clothes."

"So you are convinced you are going to stay like this for a long time then?"

"Yeah, I think I might have to be prepared to look like this forever . . ."

"Oh dear" he gave me a hug and patted me on the head "We will get through this honey. We will stay with you, remember that. We will always love you no matter how you look."

I blinked back new tears but my dad released me and smiled. This was one of those times when I realised just how much I loved my parents. Dad waved for me to come upstairs to the attic. "There might be some old clothes somewhere here but I warn you, they might be outdated by now."

I smiled "That doesn't matter, I just need something to wear so I can go to muggle London and buy something else." I followed him up the stairs to the second floor where he opened the panel overhead that led to the attic. I didn't usually go to the attic, mostly because my dad had never let me when I was little, and now that I was grown up I didn't live at home anymore. Last time I had been up there was when I was sixteen and had snuck up there out of curiosity. The attic was full of boxes with nick-knacks collected over the years. I knew there was an entire box filled with my drawings from when I was little, and we had another box somewhere filled to the brim with Christmas decorations right next to the stairs. That was the box we used to bring out most often, all the other boxes were stacked to the back and away from the stairs. My dad headed over to one of the oldest and most hidden boxes in the back and pulled it out from under a pile of discarded curtains. "Here it is" he said with an exited smile. "I haven't looked in this for ages, but it should contain some of my clothes from the seventies when I was a lot fitter."

We brought the box downstairs to the living room and dad opened the lid and started pulling out richly patterned or deeply coloured pieces of clothing before he got to the bottom and pulled up a pair of jeans. "Here you go" he held out the jeans for me "these should fit you better than anything I have today, I kept these you see because they are quite a fine pair of jeans. The best fitting jeans I ever had. I suppose I kept them for sentimental reasons. Too bad they will not fit me anymore."

"Thanks dad."

While my mum made vitamin potions and dad whipped up dinner I went into my old bedroom with the box of clothing to try things on. Apparently my dad had only kept the shirts he thought where most funny, because they all had some dreadful pattern on them or (Merlin forbid) frills and flounces. I discarded all of those. I could not under any circumstances imagine Severus Snape happy to be dressed in leopard print. The mental picture was hilarious though. In the end I found a plain red flannel shirt (the most normal looking thing in the pile) and put it on. Everything was a bit too large, but I held all up with a belt.

I could not resist the temptation to look in the mirror on my wardrobe door before I went out. Not bad actually. Yes, it was obviously too big but red suited Snape surprisingly well.

My mum didn't agree though. "You look like a hillbilly" was the first thing she said when I entered the kitchen.

"Thanks mum, I appreciate that." I smiled mischievously at my dad who looked quite affronted at his wife's remark on his old shirt. "Would you rather I fetch the frills? Or perhaps the leopard prints instead?"

"Indeed you shall not!" said my mother appalled. "What on earth would you keep the leopard print for Teddy? It was horrendous." She asked her husband. My father defended himself by saying "It was funny!"

The rest of the evening went on quite pleasurably. Just like any other dinner with my mum and dad, except for the fact that I was now a thirty-five-year-old man. I also realized I no longer liked the taste of Brussel sprout. What a shame, I used to love Brussel sprout.

But the nice atmosphere was cut short when I started to feel dizzy.

I tried to ignore it at first, hoping it would go away but it didn't stop there.

My vision floated in and out of focus and I tried to hold onto the table to stop it from moving while I was bombarded with emotions that didn't make sense. Fear, sadness, devastation, guilt, and a ton of other confusing emotions jumbled up in a ball were shoved into my brain and made it feel like it was made of pudding. I didn't know what was happening. I heard mum and dads faint cries of worry in the background but I could not understand their words as the floor suddenly jumped up to attack me.


	8. A new discovery

_My vision floated in and out of focus and I tried to hold onto the table to stop it from moving while I was bombarded with emotions that didn't make sense. Fear, sadness, devastation, guilt, and a ton of other confusing emotions jumbled up in a ball were shoved into my brain and made it feel like it was made of pudding. I didn't know what was happening. I heard mum and dads faint cries of worry in the background, but I could not understand their words as the floor suddenly jumped up to attack me._

 **Chapter 8:**

I woke up with a feeling that something was terribly wrong. But his time it was like a familiar wrong. I knew without having to check that I was back in my own body. It was strange how this knowledge made me feel anxious. As if I needed yet another strange thing to happen atop of all the others. It was also very clear that this would not last. Things didn't simply solve themselves without an effort. That was not how things worked.

Still, I had never been so happy to find myself laying in someone elses bed (certainly not since I knew this was _Snapes_ bed). I couldn't resist the urge to squeeze my boobs, just to check if they were there, feel the familiarity of my face and extend my feet in front of me to wiggle my toes in delight.

So, Snape and I had changed back. But how? Why now?

I looked around at my surroundings. I was alone in a dark dingy room that I recognized as Snapes room at Grimmauld place. It was quiet except the sound of raindrops drumming loudly on the window. It was currently pouring down outside.

That was it then. The rain.

Rain was what they had meant by 'liquid sunshine', but did that mean we would switch bodies every time it started raining?

This was definitely news, and I realized quickly that Dumbledore and Amaryllis needed to know. I also realized that Snape was currently at my parents' house . . . ugh, I did _not_ like that idea. Even though my mum and dad could handle snappish rude bastards quite well, I figured I would have to go and find them and at least introduce them or something.

It wasn't until I got out of bed that I noticed how strange my face felt. It was hot and sticky and uncommonly blotched. I ran to the bathroom to see what was wrong and it surprised me to see that it looked like I had been crying . . . for hours. What had happened? Could it be that Snape had been crying all this time? Surely not. Snape didn't cry, did he?

But it was hard to imagine another explanation. I remembered the confusing jumble of emotions I had felt before I passed out. Could they possibly have come from Snape? But surely not. How was that even possible? I mean, I had seen some crazy magic these last few days, but surely there must be some limits to what magic could do? We couldn't simply share emotions just like that!

But then again, only a few days ago, I had thought switching bodies was impossible. . .

But what could make Snape cry for hours? Could it be because of what he said to me earlier? Or was it something else? For all I knew it could be that he stumped his toe, or that the sun was too bright. But most likely not. Snape didn't seem like the kind of guy who burst into tears for nothing.

Would he be angry if I asked him?

The sound of someone running up the stairs startled me. I had a feeling it was Snape, so I headed out of the bathroom to meet him. I was right. Snape had a strange expression of determination on his face while he ran up the stairs. And maybe a hint of hope? He stopped when he noticed me. His hair was drizzled with raindrops, his cheeks where slightly pink, and for some strange reason I realized I had never seen him more human.

"It's the rain" he said, panting slightly "we changed when it started raining."

If I hadn't spent the last few days in his body I am sure I would never have noticed the subtle change in his expression when he noticed my face. There was something in his eyes. Was it shame? I knew he could see how blotched it was, and I also knew he understood that I had noticed. He said nothing though and that was when I decided not to mention it. Why would I bother him about it?

Instead I focused on something else. He was still wearing my dad's clothes, and I had a hard time not to laugh. My mum was right; he really did look like a hillbilly. Thank god he wasn't wearing dungarees.

I forced myself to be serious and nodded "Liquid sunshine was used as a metaphor for rain in ancient poems."

"How do you know that?"

"My dad told me, he is very fond of old English literature. He knows what he is talking about."

"It is not permanent" stated Snape. He had schooled his face back to the normal emotionless expression, but I could see a hint of disappointment in his eyes.

"I know"

"How do you know?"

"The same way you do I suppose. I just feel it."

"Yes" Snape said.

After a second of tense and awkward silence I suggested we go and see Dumbledore. Snape nodded, turned around and headed down the stairs without a word.

Since the kitchen was occupied, we had to apparate to Hogsmeade and walk from there. Snape intended to disguise me while we walked to Hogwarts but I didn't want to sneak around. Instead I insisted we'd make up some story if we met someone. "Perhaps you're 'following' me for a meeting with Dumbledore or something" I suggested with a shrug. I didn't expect him to agree so easily but he just rolled his eyes and waved his hand indistinctively in the air before he walked away and left me behind. Perhaps he was in a good mood. His behaviour wasn't exactly friendly, but I didn't bother to get insulted. Instead I walked behind him in the rain, thinking about my ow things or simply relishing in the feeling of familiarity within my own skin.

Dumbledore and Amaryllis where both surprised about our new discovery (Amaryllis was inappropriately excited) and they both asked a lot of questions about the experience we felt at the time. The task of answering questions fell to _me_ while Snape sat awkwardly in silence while being poked and probed by Amaryllis. Again. He was not comfortable with being touched and especially not by her.

Wait, how did I know that?

Anyway, the happiness of being back in my own body was short lasted. It stopped raining during our stay in Dumbledores office but later in the evening it started raining again. At least I got to spend a few hours in my own body, which I used to go back to my parents' house and explain what had happened. I brought Snapes clothes back for him when I returned.

I went up the stairs in Grimmauld place 12, knocked on the door to his room and held out the pile when he opened. He took it with a harrumph, but I stopped him when he tried to close the door. "May I come in?" I asked.

"Why?"

"I just wanted to tell you something."

"No."

"Fine, I'll tell you here then." I said and crossed my arms. "I don't blame you for this thing" I gestured between us "it's not your fault, you know."

He studied me with raised eyebrows as if I had just told him I liked rainbow coloured unicorns. But I knew there was some kind of emotion behind his eyes. I couldn't decipher what. "That's it?" he asked.

"Yep, I thought you ought to know. Well then, I'll see you later I guess" I said and left him alone in the doorway. I didn't dare stay there longer. Snape was a lot more intimidating in his own body than he was in mine.

Later I went to hang in the kitchen with some of the order members and the Weasley kids. One of the Weasley childrens friends, a girl called Hermione Granger had joined the house during the day and I used most of my time getting to know her and the youngest Weasley girl, Ginny. I had a swell time and I didn't think much of where Snape was until I felt the same kind of dizziness as earlier and suddenly found myself sitting alone in the Grimmauld place library. This time the change had been much faster. It only took about thirty seconds. The others sitting around the table might not have noticed unless they looked straight at me while it happened.

I felt a sudden wave of exhaustion while I sat there in the candlelight and decided to fight the urge to check whether Snape was okay (or that he wasn't ruining my life) and go to bed. Snape had changed back to his own long, black robes but he hadn't thrown away my dads' old clothes like I had expected. Instead he had folded them on a neat pile on his bed with a note that said _:_

 _It was kind of your father let me borrow these but I do not appreciate being dressed up like a doll. You will cease this kind of behaviour immediately or there will be consequences._

How sweet.

I had to smile at the letter. He always thought the worst in people. Did he think I had been dressing him up like a doll and parading around in silly clothes for a laugh? What did he think of me? I found a pen and wrote a reply underneath his message:

 _Red suits you._

Let's see how he would take that.

While I lay there in Snapes bed dressed in Snapes stupid nightshirt I wondered if the loneliness I had felt in the library after being snatched away from the kitchen had been my own feelings, or if it had been a glimpse of Snapes emotions.

* * *

 **Authors note:**  
Hello readers. I know this story has been a bit slow so far, but I promise there will be more action soon. So please bare with me.  
I got the idea of using the rain as a way to switch bodies from a Korean drama called 'Secret garden'. It's quite a silly drama, but it is very sweet and I recommend you to check it out if you havent seen it already. Ta!


	9. I am too curious for my own good

**Chapter 9:**

It was an unusually hot morning in july when I woke up with a groan.

I was still in Snapes body.

It had been two weeks since the day I collapsed on my parents' floor and it hadn't rained a single drop since. England was apparently on its way into a dry period which meant there would be no rain in the nearest future. I feared I would have to spend my time in Snapes body for the rest of the summer, a thought that always made me groan in frustration. The time I had left in my own body was limited and I wanted to make the most of it. But I couldn't do that if the weather refused to cooperate.

I wasn't usually one to sit around hoping for something to happen. I wanted action, I wanted to do something; instead I had to wait until Dumbledore and Amaryllis found some results in their research. If they ever would . . .

Of course, I hadn't been completely inactive. When I told Moody that I would stay at Grimmauld place for a 'research project' for Dumbledore, I had given myself the idea to look for useful information in the Black library. The least Snape and I could do while we stowed away in that grimy old house was to try and help Albus and Amaryllis with the cure. So that was what we did. We usually spent our days in the library with our noses in dusty old tomes. But alas, none of them revealed anything about the Well of Lives, or about our condition so far.

This was very frustrating. It meant we were of little use for anyone at the moment. I felt like a child who was waiting for her parents to come home. Restless and bored. I knew we wouldn't be able to find anything in the Black repertoire. We needed a larger selection of reading material and I longed for the Hogwarts library. But Dumbledore didn't want us to go outside of Grimmuld place. I suppose it was because it would look suspicious if Nymphadora Tonks (who was now being portrayed by Snape) suddenly started hanging out at Hogwarts all the time, but I didn't understand why he forbid _me_ to go. After all, Snape was a teacher at Hogwarts. It should be completely normal to observe him at school even during the summer. However, instead of letting us go to Hogwarts ourselves, Dumbledore gathered a mountain of books from the Hogwarts library and brought them to Grimmauld place for us.

Believe it or not, we still didn't find anything useful . . .

That was only the tip of my problems.

If there is one thing I hate more than anything in the world, it is to sit still over a long period of time. If I didn't move around I would get restless, a problem that hadn't changed with my new body. I couldn't stay in my seat for more than a few hours before I had to get up and do something else. Have some tea in the kitchen, study the stuffed house-elf heads in the hallway or simply sprawl out on my bed and stare at the ceiling. Snape on the other hand refused to move. While I couldn't manage to sit still, he stubbornly stayed in the library. Sometimes even until long after midnight. Believe me, I tried to make him do something else from time to time, but he was very hard to convince.

I understood why he was so stubborn. Of course, I wanted a cure as fast as he did, but there was nothing else we could do. And exhausting ourselves by reading useless books for too long wasn't going to help.

I think Molly Weasley thought the same. Sometimes she would come down and pull us both out of the library for what she called 'a break'. In reality she needed us to help out with the cleaning of the house. If she and her children found some dark creature in a corner for example, she would ask us to help banish it. Usually she could do it herself, but I think she wanted an excuse to pull us out of the library so we wouldn't grow permanently stuck to our chairs. She was the only one who could force Snape to come out of the library, other than to sleep and eat, and I admired her for that.

If I had been able to help more with the cleaning I would have done so. But it was so painful to be around the other order members I chose to stay alone. People tended to send me looks of suspicion or hatred whenever I tried to dine with them, and they could be downright rude if I tried to join with the cleaning.

Not surprising, I quickly started to understand how Snape felt around other people. Of course he would be angry and rude when it didn't feel like anyone wanted him. That was one of the reasons why he acted so horrible all the time. He was most likely depressed. Heck, even _I_ started to feel depressed by my situation. That still didn't justify his actions, but at least it explained some of them.

This was the reason why I usually dined with Snape in the library. He was certainly not the best company in the world but at least he didn't look like he expected me to grow bat wings and eat him whenever I was in the same room (like the Weasley children did). No, Snape was simply angry. In his frustrated attempt to find something helpful in all the dusty tomes, he had an annoying tendency to skip his meals which made him even more frustrated and snappish than usual (and that was saying something). He wasn't particularly agressive, but his air was clearly hostile, and he would often give a snarl here and there for good measure. I would sometimes bring him his stupid dinner and force him to eat it just to save the poor library books from being tossed at the wall. But I didn't make it a habit. I wasn't his mother after all. If he was hungry he could always go downstairs and have a meal with the others. Nobody hated _him_ anymore after all. But instead I could swear he _wanted_ to be angry as if that could help him feel more like himself. Had I been able to choose I would not have spent my time with him.

At least Snape didn't focus his anger on me. In fact, he talked very little and when he did he always used short and angry monosyllables. He usually stayed eerily quiet and broody, with the occasional glare. But I had to experience a few flying books and growls before I realized they were never directed at me. He would never try to hurt me (at least physically . . . ). When I finally realized this, I relaxed a lot more around him. By the end of the first week I started to find him more annoying than intimidating.

And yet, despite his snappish comments and idiotic behaviour, I felt a strange sort of affinity towards him. I couldn't explain it. I knew that he felt guilty for our situation. I knew he would never take advantage of me. I even knew, although I couldn't explain how, that I could trust him. I could feel it. It was almost like we had a sort of mental connection. I couldn't explain how, but a few seconds before and after we switched I could swear I could pick up an entire range of emotions that didn't belong to me. Who else could they belong to than Snape? He was occupying my body after all. I didn't know if Snape could pick up some of _my_ emotions. If he could, he didn't mention it.

I rose from my bed and padded my way to the bathroom in my flat in London.

After a week of living in Grimmauld place with Snape, I moved out. Much to Dumbledores protests. But I had a simple reason to do so; there was no room for me. The youngest Weasley boy, Ron, had to share a room with his brothers Fred and George so that Snape and I could have separate rooms. It had been fine for a few days, but when Ron started to fight with his brothers, Mrs Weasley decided to move him to another room. The options were either to share a room with me (which Ron had blankly refused) or with Buckbeak in Sirius' parents room (which Sirius had argued would be too creepy for anyone to bare), or, the option which Molly had preferred, Snape could share a room with the girls, Hermione and Ginny, and Ron could take over his. That would have been a good idea if Snape had actually been a woman. But alas, that was not the case. So; I decided to move out.

I could have moved to one of Snapes residencies. For example, to his rooms at Hogwarts. However, Dumbledore insisted I stay as close to Snape as possible (for reasons I didn't understand) which meant Hogwarts was too far away. Snapes own house was closer, but he refused to give me the address. Mostly because the house was swarmed with deatheaters, which I could understand. Also, I didn't want to go there anyways. I was already prying enough in his privacy as it was.

Therefore I moved to my own flat. Dumbledore agreed grudglingly only because my flat was in the same city as Grimmauld place, but only just.

I still came to grimmauld place every day to do reasearch with Snape, but in the evenings I would stay in my flat, wander around in muggle streets or visit my parents for a meal or to simply listen to my dad play on his guitar while my mum made me another vitamin potion. Nobody knew I went to my parents house. I didn't even tell snape. For all he knew, I followed Albuses rules to the dot. Too bad I didn't take rules too seriously.

I brushed my teeth (with snapes toothbrush mind you) and had a shower before I ended up standing in front of the mirror for the hundredth time since our incident.

I tried to ignore the little voice in my head that said 'better get used to it now since it is going to be permanent' while I stared like I had done so many times before. No, Snape was not a handsome man but would that even matter when the biggest problem was that he had been a death eater? How would I cope if people hated me by default? And even if I told the Order who I really was, people in the streets would still fear me. I would still be regarded legally as Severus Snape, until I fixed it at least, and it would still be _me_ who had the dark mark on my arm.

Speaking of the dark mark, I lived in constant fear that it would start burning and summon me to a deatheather meeting. None of us were sure what to do if that ever happened. If I decided not to go, then Snapes position as a spy would be threatened. He might be able to convince Voldemort he was preoccupied at the time but he would also risk his life by going back to Voldemort later. Missing a deatheater meeting was simply not an option.

But . . . could I go? Would that even work? Despite what Snape had told Albus, I actually did know some occlumency, but I was sure that in a battle of minds against Voldemort I would definitely loose. Luckily Voldemort didn't seem to crave Snapes company just yet.

My thoughts wandered to Remus. And again I wondered if he could possibly regard me as anything but a friend if I was in a male body? I didn't feel anything differently towards him now. I was still attracted to him no matter which body I was in. But would he be able to feel the same for me? The thought of Remus made my eyes sting and I shook my head to get rid of all the depressing thoughts. No point in crying over something I had never had.

And besides, I was not alone, I reminded myself for the umpteenth time. Snape was in this too. And he wasn't okay with this eighter.

I know what you may be thinking, 'But why didn't you try to help him in his misery and try to make him feel better Tonks?'

Well guys, in my defence, it's Snape were talking about. Even if I did try to talk to him he would immediately shut himself off, leave, or tell me to fuck off. Albus had tried to talk to him too, but he had about as much luck as I did. This was very disconcerting, because I knew Snape was having a hard time about our situation. But there was nothing I could do. Snape would simply have to deal with it on his own.

'I wonder if he'd kill me if I cut his hair.' I thought and held my hair up from my face. But again, it wasn't my decision to make. It wasn't my hair. Just because I didn't like his hairstyle didn't mean he didn't like it. Although I doubted the man actually cared about his looks at all. At least I managed to make it look better by trailing my hand through it so it looked slightly windblown. Then the trick was to add a tiny-tiny bit of Oscars-hairmagic to make it stay out of my eyes.

Shaving was an entirely new experience for me. After only one day in Snapes body I realised that males had this inconvenient thing called facial hair. Can you blame me for forgetting? It had never been a problem for me before. But that meant I had to learn how to shave. Snape of course, along with all his other strange, old-fashioned trinket choices, used a straight razorblade like the ones you see in Sweeny Todd. I soon found out that _I_ , with my clumsiness and all, should be nowhere near a razorblade like that. Not only did the thought of putting an open knife against my throat sound terrifying, I also had no idea how to use it. I cut myself twice before I decided to give up the old-fashioned blade and go to muggle London for a safety-razor. I didn't tell Snape. I figured he would only tease me for my inadequateness in razor-use.

I shaved before I quickly dressed in a pair of jeans and a white t-shirt before I moved to the kitchen to make myself some breakfast. I had snuck into muggle London one day to buy myself some muggle clothes so I didn't have to borrow my dads' clothes from the seventies anymore. Nobody in the magical world would have noticed how silly my dad's clothes were, but if I decided to walk down a muggle street I would have been completely out of fashion, so I bought something new. I used my own money so Snape wouldn't kill me. He didn't even know I'd bought them yet because I always put his black robes on top when I went to Grimmaulds place. But whenever I was at home, I dressed more casually. It was a hot summer after all and it also helped me feel more at home in my muggle flat.

I looked out of the window while I fried myself a load of sausages on the stove (I might have decided a while ago to try to put on some weight while I had the chance). I had to admit, my flat was very nice. My favourite place was the kitchen where I had a nice view over a little park were several children would play around on the swings. On a sunny day like this the park was crawling with children. It was a sight that made my spirit calm. I loved children, and their laughter allways made me feel happy.

But the calm feeling didn't last for long when I remembered what I needed to do today. I needed to go to Grimmauld place like usual. I wasn't sure if I wanted to do that. We had been searching for information for two weeks without a trace of result. I was sick and tired of it, and yet there was nothing else we could do. But I was too bored to stay at my flat all day, my parents were at work and I had no intention of wandering alone in the muggle world. Perhaps I could help with some of the cleaning if any of the order members could stand my presence?

Grimmauld place was dark and silent. I had to be very careful not to trip over the troll-foot umbrella-stand as usual. I had done that enough times as it was, and I would probably reveal myself if I did the same in Snapes body. The only person in the kitchen was Snape himself who sat alone by the end of the table with a cup of tea.

His hair was my favourite shade of pink and he was wearing exactly what I had told him to wear yesterday; a pair of jeans and a green t-shirt.

"Wotcher Severus, is there any tea left?"

"Tonks" He greeted me. His tone wasn't friendly but at least he had stopped glaring at me by now.

"Anything interesting happen'ere? I'm bored." I said and went to the kitchen counter to pour myself some tea.

"No" he said briskly.

"Nothing?"

"No"

"You don't know do you" I teased. (yes, I know what you're thinking 'You shouldn't tease Snape, Tonks' but as I told you, I was bored). "You avoid talking to people don't you?" I sat down across from him.

"I certainly do not-"

"Liar"

"Fine, they are about to start the cleaning and Molly Weasley insist I join, but I have no intention of doing so because I'm avoiding Black. And now that Lupin is back as well-" he said with distaste.

"Really? Lupin is back?" I asked innocently. I tried to ignore the little skip in my chest by the mention of his name.

Snape frowned. "Please do not do that again"

"Do what?"

"That. Your face brightened up by the mention of his name. I do not want to see than on my face every time someone mentions that werewolf" he said with distaste.

"Haven't I told you to stop that?" I said annoyed (really, I was used to Snape by now I didn't bother to get angry) "I swear if you call him 'the werewolf' one more time I'll glue your tongue to the roof of your mouth."

Snape glared at me for a while (what do you know, I take back what I said earlier about him not glaring at me anymore) before he stood up to make himself some more tea. I sighed. I would never get an apology from the man. He never admitted his mistakes but when he broke eye-contact it usually meant he knew he had said (or done) something wrong.

"But seriously, what are people cleaning now?" I tried again.

But before Snape could answer Sirius came down the stairs "Hey Tonks, it's time if you want to join the cleaning. Molly and Remus are upstairs and-" but he stopped abruptly when he noticed me.

"Snape" he said as if the name had a bitter aftertaste. "Why are you here? Don't you have someone else to bother than my relatives?" His tone was unusually aggressive and he stormed over to Snape and put a protecting hand on his shoulder. Snape looked about to murder him, or perhaps toss the content of the teapot in his face but Sirius didn't notice. He was too busy glaring at _me_. Oh, the irony of this situation.

"I came to ask Moody to marry me" I deadpanned and sipped my tea calmly.

Sirius looked like he was lost for words while Snape stared for a second before he suddenly burst out laughing. Okay, that was not something one witnessed every day. But it was a nice change.

"Did you just crack a joke?" asked Sirius in disbelief.

"I may have my moments" I answered just as calmly and continued to sip my tea.

But then, in true Weasley fasion, Molly burst through the door "There you are" she said "Sirius, Remus is looking for the towels we used last evening but he can't find them. Would you mind showing him? "Nymphadora, did you want to join with the cleaning today? You can come with me and we can fetch the buckets we placed in the living room yesterday. Oh, hello Severus have you come to help us with the cleaning?" she said while Sirius left the kitchen to find Remus.

"Yes Molly" I said with a charming and exceptionally un-Snapeish smile "In fact I have."

"Oh, how wonderful. Then you can come with me too" said Molly distractedly while she waved her wand and a large amount of cleaning products flew from the kitchen cupboard and into a bucket she carried. Snape glared at me again, probably to make me change my mind and leave. I ignored him until he gave up and followed me reluctantly. He seemed to decide to join with the cleaning after all, despite his wish to avoid Sirius. I had a feeling it was because he wanted to make sure I didn't do anything stupid.

Molly ushered me and Snape out of the kitchen and up the stairs to the first floor and into the second salon behind the library to pick up more buckets. We carried them up to the third floor where Remus, Fred, George, Ron, Hermione and Ginny waited for them. They all stared in disbelief when they spotted me. As expected, some of them gave me very unpleasant looks. Ron was gaping and Remus frowned. But Molly began to blabber away about what they were supposed to do and when she finished they all gathered around the buckets to get the cleaning gear they needed.

I stayed away from the crowd a bit and decided to observe for a while. No one seemed to want to talk to me. This was not surprising. It was the usual welcome from this crowd. But it still hurt.

This was how Snape was usually treated even when he was fairly nice to people. No wonder he continued to be so unpleasant when nobody even gave him a chance. But then again he was the one who chose to live like that. He was after all the one who started the hostility and acted like an idiot. The problem was; he expected people to dislike him, so he acted as if people had already made up their minds about him no matter how little they knew him. I should have gotten used to it by now, but I hadn't.

I started a conversation with Molly when she moved to stand in the outskirt of the crowd and asked her about the progress with the house. She answered me enthusiastically.

For some reason, Molly seemed to have nothing against Snape.

"I am really glad we started with the kitchen. Merlin it looked awful down there when we first came here. There lived a nasty ghoul in the pantry and the cauldron we found in the corner . . ." she shivered. I remembered the ghoul as I had been the one to find it after all, but Snape was not supposed to know that so I pretended to be surprised.

"But anyway" continued Molly "we recently found a new storage room in the basement. There appears to be nothing else there than a wardrobe with a boggart in the middle of the floor."

"Really?" I asked curiously. I had heard nothing about this storage room. They must have found it when I was absent.

"Oh yes, we examined it for dark curses before we entered it, but we found nothing. Alastor wasn't here at the time, so we could not check if it really was a boggart, so we let the wardrobe stay as it is for the moment."

The first thing that came to my mind was 'cool, a new and hidden room'. "Would it be possible for me to go down there and check it out?" I heard myself ask. I had no idea where that came from and I had a feeling it was a very bad idea, but my curiosity got the better of me. Molly looked at me curiously and warned me to go there alone but I barely listened. Anything to get away from these people who looked like they all wanted to murder me. I left the noisy lot and headed downstairs.

There really _was_ a secret door behind a pile of junk in the basement across from the kitchen. I approached it carefully while I muttered a string of diagnostic charms under my breath to discover dark magic and curses. Nothing. I took a deep breath and opened the door carefully. The room inside looked completely normal which was unusual considering how abnormal the rest of the house was. In the middle of the floor stood a big wardrobe that rattled slightly in the dark. I lit my wand and snuck inside.

It looked like a completely normal wardrobe. Large and carved from dark oak wood. It looked rather boring where it stood. However, the moment I stood in front of it I felt an irresistible urge to open it and see what was inside. If it really was a boggart I could take care of it easily. As if I hadn't done that a hundred times before. Of course, there could be something else entirely, but the urge to peek was so strong that I acted recklessly. I did something completely unwise in a situation where I was alone in a dark room two floors underneath anyone that could hear me scream. I lifted my wand and waved it once. "Alohomora." The door gave a little click before it opened slightly.

Nothing happened.

It was unnaturally quiet. The wardrobe didn't rattle anymore either. That was strange. There should be something in there. But then I noticed the light that streamed out from the crack in the door. There was a light inside the wardrobe. I lifted my hand carefully and pushed the door open.

What I saw made me gasp loudly. Inside the wardrobe was a flower field and beyond; a landscape with trees and mountains. When I opened the door completely a fresh summer breeze hit my face and blew up some of the dust on the floor. What was this? A vanishing cabinet? But no, vanishing cabinets didn't work this way. They looked like normal cabinets until you went inside and closed the door. Only then could you be transported to the twin cabinet. I had never seen anything like this before.

Without thinking I went through the door and stood in the field. It smelled wonderful. The field lay in the middle of a clearing in a forest at the foot of a small mountain and on the other side ran a shallow valley with a river cutting through it that slithered its way towards the sea in the distance. 'Wow' was all I could think at the beautiful view. From this side the wardrobe was only a door that hovered slightly above ground on its own. One could walk around the door and look through the same opening, only then it showed the field on the other side. I was fascinated by the sight and studied the beautiful mountains for a while before I suddenly heard a click behind me.

The door had closed on its own.

"NO!" I stared in horror at the door as it faded and disappeared in front of my eyes.

"No, no, no!" I cried. How could this happen? The door was right there and I hadn't closed it on purpose. How could it close by itself and just disappear? I fumbled around in hopes that the door had only become invisible. But it wasn't there. I felt the panic gnaw at me as I found my wand and cast every revealing charm I could think of to find out where the door had gone. But to no avail. According to what I could find, there had never been a door there at all. I fell to my knees as I failed to hold back a sob.

I was stuck here.


	10. What in Merlins name?

**Chapter 10: Severus**

"Alright people, let's take a break!" said Molly Weasley when she entered the room carrying a mountain of sandwiches on a plate. Everyone gave a relieved sigh and peeled off their protection gloves and masks. Severus sighed silently too. Not because he had been too active with the cleaning. He had been standing on the sideline watching while people worked, and jumped in occasionally when someone came too close to, or were attacked by, some of the cursed objects in the room. That was not an easy task either and frankly Severus silently regarded it as the most stressful one. He had to constantly be on guard in case something tried to kill the cleaners. It had even been close sometimes.

Ginny Weasley been attacked by a hairpin that sliced the skin on her upper arm. She crumbled to the floor, screaming in pain while Severus rushed to examine her. It turned out to only be a severe stinging curse, but it could have been something much worse. Another time Severus discovered a dark aura around a book just in time to stop George Weasley from touching it. Had he done so he might have been armless by now.

But, however stressful the cleaning sessions were, the worst parts were the breaks. The times where Severus had to pretend to be sweet and loving towards people he didn't like. He usually kept his distance from Lupin and Blaack in case he said something stupid. Therefore, he ended up talking mostly to the girls it the group for some reason. Probably because they were the only ones he had nothing against. And they were always nice to him no matter how silent he was.

He did try to pretend to be nice like Tonks, but it was painfully obvious that he didn't manage as well as he should. He didn't know Tonks enough to play her character accurately and people _did_ notice that something was wrong. Lupin had discretely asked him one dreadful morning if he was 'alright'. Since he knew that Tonks would summon all the forces of evil on him if he said something negative he had smiled sweetly and muttered something about not feeling too well. The cruciatus curse would have been less painful. Especially when Lupin had asked him if he wanted to 'talk about it'. . . Ugh!

Little Ginny Weasley, who Severus knew very little about except that she was the youngest Weasley child, had also asked him if he was okay. Even though it was easier to talk to her it still annoyed him that people kept asking. Why couldn't they simply leave him alone? Why was he even helping them with the cleaning instead of doing more research in the library? Nothing stopped him from shutting himself in there, and yet something made him want to stay. Maybe he needed a distraction from everything that had happened the last few weeks.

Severus noticed that Tonks had left. He couldn't exactly blame her with all the accusing looks she got from the order members. Had she gone back to her flat? Or perhaps she had shut herself in the library? Severus felt another pang of guilt when he thought of how lonely she must be now that _she_ was the shunned and hated death eater. A girl like her, who was used to a constant company of people (who all liked her) may find her new situation difficult. Of course, he knew how it felt but he imagined he could handle it better. He used to experience it every day after all. So . . . he was used to it.

They had worked for about half an hour before Molly came around with food and everyone gathered hungrily around the tray. Severus looked around. The room looked even worse than half an hour ago. The dust had been whirled around and the floor was littered with large garbage bags. The large but grimy window allowed little light to penetrate trough and the rain poured down outside. Large droplets hammered noisily against the windowsill and water streamed down the glass.

Severus felt an eerie chill through his body, but it took him a while to realize why.

It was raining.

And nothing happened.

He was still in Tonkses body.

Why had they not switched when it started raining? Severus looked frantically around as if to find a clue within the dusty room. Something was terribly wrong, he could feel it. Where exactly could Tonks be? How long since she had left the room? Was she in danger, or could she already be . . . ?

His feelings had apparently been visible on his face because Molly Weasley came over to him with a worried expression. "Tonks Dear, what on earth is the matter? You look like you have seen You-know-who himself."

Severus was too panicked to pretend like nothing. ". . . Molly, do you know where Miss- I mean Professor Snape went to?" he asked while his heart beat painfully fast. Molly gave him a questioning look "He said he wanted to take a look at the wardrobe in the secret room in the basement, you know, the room behind all that –." But before she could finish her sentence, Severus was outside the door and sprinted down the stairs to the basement. He had helped discover that room a few days ago but no one had dared to open the wardrobe in case there was something worse in there than a Boggart. If Tonks had opened that door and found something dangerous . . .

Downstairs in the basement he found the door to the secret room half open and he dove inside.

Nothing.

The wardrobe in the middle of the room looked untouched and silent. That was different. Last time he had seen it, the door had been rattling slighty. Now it was completely still.

He suddenly felt a compelling urge to open the door and see what was inside. He knew it was magic. He knew it was a bad idea and he tried to fight it, but it was too strong. And really, he knew quite well how to resist compelling charms, but this was like nothing he had experienced before. This was also different from the last time he saw the wardrobe. There was no compelling charm on it then, as he could remember . . . He lifted his hand and turned the handle.

As soon as the door was open his vision blurred. The world stated spinning and he felt a surge of relief at the sensation. This was the unmistakeable sign of "The Switch" as he secretly called it in his mind and it had to mean that Tonks was alive somewhere.

When the world came back into focus Severus was on all fours in a room he did not recognize. It was more like an attic than a room, with very simple wooden furniture and a bed with a hay-stuffed mattress. Bright sunlight came through the tiny little window on one side of the wall.

That was odd. It had just been raining . . .

What made him even more confused was his attire. His clothes would fit better in the medieval times than in 1995 London. Simple leather boots, black trousers, and a green tunic made of a rough fabric.

What I Merlins name was going on?

There was a tiny little mirror on the table in the corner and he grabbed it, but almost dropped it again when he saw his own reflection. Yes, he _was_ back in his own body. It was definitely _his_ face, but something was very wrong with it. What had she done to him . . . ? His skin used to be a lot paler than that . . . Or was it something wrong with the light? His hair was tied back in a strange sort of half ponytail, and his chin was covered with a layer of black hair, a beard!

Severus had never been so confused before. How had the girl managed to end up in this room, change clothes, grow a beard and get herself a tan in thirty minutes? And where was this again? What did this place have to do with the wardrobe in Grimmauld Place?

He decided to go outside to find out where he was. He went out the only door on the room and went down an unusually crooked, wooden staircase before he exited a door to the outside. What he saw made his jaw drop.

He was standing in the middle of a medieval village in the English countryside. People in the streets wore cloaks and tunics and medieval dresses. Some rode horses and others pulled huge carriages with hay behind them. Severus couldn't help but stare at the scene in fascination.

Wow.

It surprised him that people in the streets seemed to know him. They nodded and smiled when they passed. Some even patted his back before they went on. Severus wasn't sure what to do or who these people were, so he nodded back awkwardly. He suddenly felt a pang of annoyance and anger for no apparent reason and he realized that the culprit was the mental link between himself and Tonks. He was aware of its existence even though he didn't bother to mention it to Tonks. He had been unsure whether she knew about it too, until now. she was using the link actively to send him a message, which was quite clever actually. Peraps Tonks was not as thoughtless as she appeared? She told him to stay where he was, and she would come and find him. He was embarrassed to admit the relief he felt at the thought. He had a feeling he should let her explain the situation first before he decided to do something drastic, like try to find his way back to Grimmauld place. Tonks seemed to know what was going on and for once he listened to her.

He sat down at the stairs to the house he had excited and waited, not able to stop stroking his chin in annoyance. He hated having a beard. It was itchy, unnatural and stuck out in all directions. This time, Tonks had carefully trimmed it to a reasonable length, and he admitted it looked better than anything he could have managed himself. But still. His face felt weird.

He spotted her after about fifteen minutes in the crowd. She had been smart enough to change her hair colour from pink to blonde, but she was still wearing jeans and a t-shirt. He rose when she came closer.

Her face had a tight expression on her way towards him and the flash of anger he had felt from her earlier had seemed pretty genuine, so it surprised him greatly when she called his name with a smile and slammed into his chest in a hug that almost crushed his ribs.

"Where have you been!? I thought I would never see you again. I thought I would have to stay here forever. What took you so long!? I thought I told Molly that I went to check on the wardrobe. Merlin, I am so glad to see you!" she babbled on while she held a solid grip around an astonished Severus's chest.

"What do you mean 'what took me so long'? I ran after you the moment I noticed something was wrong, that was no more than half an hour after you left".

"Half an hour!? I have been here for two months!"

* * *

 **Authors note:**

So I thought I'd explain why I am writing Snapes point of view in third person. I simply don't think a first person view suits him. Snape strikes me as a person who would never talk about his emotions, and so it would be weird if he agreed to write about it. That is just my opinion.

Also, I am sure you can all guess where I've gotten the idea of a wardrobe that sends you to a different place?  
You guessed right. Narnia, of course. Dooh.


	11. Nothing like another discovery

" _Half an hour!?" she exclaimed "I have been here for two months!"_

 **Chapter 11:**

". . . What?" he almost snorted but managed to stop himself.

"I said I've been here for two months"

"Nonsense" Severus frowned. What was she talking about? That was impossible. He half expected her to crack a smile and yell 'Aprils-fools!' but instead she looked upset at his reaction.

"I am not kidding Snape!" she cried. "Will you stop fooling around! Look, I know you might not have missed me in that period but you must have noticed I was gone? Did Molly never tell you where I was? I thought I was stuck here for the rest of my life. Please, take this seriously!"

"You are not lying . . ."

"Of course I am not lying, you twat! Why would I be lying about something like that!"

"Because you haven't been gone for more than half an hour, that's why!"

Now she looked angry. And while she stepped away from him, her eyes welled up with tears. "How can you pretend you didn't notice after two months? You're such a bastard" She wiped her eyes angrily. Severus was at loss. She wasn't lying. The wardrobe had not simply transported him to another place. It had transported him in time as well. And it appeared to be far back in time. Eighter they were in a different world where time was different somehow, or perhaps the connection between the door and the timeline was faulty, so it jumped a few months ahead while only a few minutes had passed in their own time? Or most likely, Tonks had only dreamt that two months had passed. Eighter way, she really believed she had been waiting for him for two months and now she thought he was having a laugh at her expense by pretending he had never noticed she was gone. She really did believe he was a bastard.

"Tonks–"

"No, I can't believe this. I never cry in front of people Snape. I hate crying in front of people and here you bloody well made me do just that!"

"Will you shut up!?" exclaimed Severus suddenly and put his hands on her shoulders to make her look at him (much like she had done to him the first time they switched). "I am not joking. I only realised you were gone a few minutes ago and I went straight down to the wardrobe. Then I appeared here. Look, it is not raining here but it was pouring down outside of Grimmauld place. Time must have passed faster for you." He released her while she studied him. He hoped she would believe him. He didn't want her to think of him as a bastard. At least not any more than she already did. She studied him without a word, but after a long while she nodded and wiped her eyes again.

"Good, now will you please explain to me what is going on?"

She sniffled and nodded again but didn't seem to want to talk before she had calmed herself down.

Severus wanted to run away. He hated people crying. He never knew what to do with them ". . . will you stop that?" he gestured a bit awkwardly to her face "It's fine now . . ."

She gave a little laugh at his awkwardness and dried her face again with her palms. "I'm sorry, it's just that I've felt so lost these few months. I shouldn't really take it out on you. I just . . . Oh merlin, I am just so glad to see you" she said with a shaky voice. Then she wrapped her arms around his chest again in another hug.

"Err . . . okay . . ." Severus automatically held his arms away from her, as if she had some sort of deadly disease. He had to chastise himself for his behaviour. She was only a woman for Merlins sake, not some sort of predator trying to devour his lifeforce.

"I'm sorry I called you a bastard" she said into his chest.

He hesitated for a moment in confusion. She just apologised for calling him a bastard . . . When did he really deserve that? He had been a bastard to her ever since they met and she still treated him nicely. She always did, no matter how little he deserved it. "You need not apologise" he said and felt a pit of regret form in his stomach for his actions these past few weeks. But he didn't want to dwell on it so he looked around at the little village to distract himself "What is this place anyways?"

Still sniffling she pulled away from him and drew her arm in a large gesture to indicate the village "This is the little town of Watercrest. We are currently in medieval England somewhere during the fourteen hundreds. The wardrobe holds some kind of portal to the medieval times. The door opens to a field about twenty minutes away from here."

"That is . . . insane"

"I know, I thought so too but I have confirmed it already. I apparated to London when I first got here and it is no more than a medieval city. I also went to check other places. It's all the same. This really is medieval England. No trick of the eye."

"How is that possible? How is a portal like that supposed to exist? No magic can send you several hundred years back in time. How–?"

"I don't know Severus. I just went through the door. I don't know how it works."

Severus rolled his eyes. He reminded himself she wasn't Dumbledore. She couldn't answer any of his questions. What was the use of her then? "How did you get stuck here anyways? Why didn't you go back through the door?" he asked instead.

"Because it closed behind me and disappeared!"

When she said this, Severus looked at her in alarm. The door disappeared when it closed!? And she had just left it!? She must have seen his alarm because she continued "No, I didn't let it close this time. I jammed something in between. And no, I couldn't stay with it to make sure it stayed open. I had to come and get you!"

Severus nodded in understanding. Perhaps he should thank her for that? Naah . . . "We must go back right now. It should not stay open for very long in case someone meddles with it. We may examine the wardrobe when we are safely back in Grimmauld place."

She hesitated for a second "I have some news that might make us want to stay for a while longer."

Did she not know anything? Was she seriously so slow minded she didn't know what a bad idea that was? "That is something we should avoid under any circumstance. Do you not understand? Staying here could have some fatal consequences for the timeline."

"Ahm . . . well I have something to tell you. But we need a more private place to speak. We should definitely go back to the door. We can talk there without being overheard. But there is one thing I must do first." She put a hand on his shoulder (which felt strangely familiar after her rib crushing) "Wait here, and . . . please don't go anywhere" she said with a pleading look. She spoke as if she was afraid he would run away at the closest opportunity and leave her alone again.

"I won't" he said hesitatingly, thinking it was best to keep her from crying again.

She smiled and disappeared back into the house. He looked after her in confusion, wondering what she was up to. She came out ten minutes later with a stout man behind her. She carried a small backpack on her shoulder and she had put a glamour on herself to hide her jeans. Severus could still see what she was wearing, but he knew anyone else would see whatever they expected to see. That was how a glamour worked.

The man she brought with her was smiling from ear to ear "Dorian! You never told me your wife was so beautiful!" He took Severus's hand and shook it vigorously.

Severus was speechless.

His wife?

Tonks laughed in a very girly (and very un-Tonksy) way and said; "Oh, Jonathan, you flatter me." Then she took Severus's hand and leaned towards him a bit while she fluttered her eyelashes coquettishly "Dorian and I will travel northwards and find somewhere to settle down. My travel company will come shortly so we thought we would go and meet it."

"Then I wish you luck on your journey and I hope you have a happy life" said Jonathan and patted Severus on the shoulder.

"Thank you, Jonathan," said Severus and played along without revealing he knew absolutely nothing about this man.

"Yes, thank you Jonathan. For everything" said Tonks. Jonathan took her hand again and kissed it for a second time before he gave Severus a brief and robust hug. All this sudden hugging freaked him out. He couldn't even remember the last time he hugged someone. "Don't forget you are always welcome here if you should ever find yourselves on this road again. Don't forget to come and visit me and Clara soon."

"Of course, any time" said Severus. Then he grabbed Tonkses hand before she could "Well, we should get going. Farewell Jonathan and say goodbye to Clara for us will you?"

Tonks squeezed his hand back in gratitude before she curtsied to the man "Nice to meet you Jonathan."

Jonathan bowed. Then he gave Severus a wink before he went into the house. Tonks pulled him along the village road towards where she had come from. Then she gave him a friendly pat on the arm "Wow, I didn't know you were this good with improvising. You had no idea who Jonathan was and yet you totally nailed it."

"How do you think I have been surviving as a spy for all these years?" He didn't bother to ponder over her use of the expression 'nailed it'. This was _not_ the type of situation he would use that for. Instead he asked; "Dorian? As in Dorian Grey?" he couldn't help feeling insulted by that reference.

Tonks didn't seem aware of what the choice of name implicated. Instead she shrugged and said; "It was the first name I came up with. I Just finished the book a few weeks ago."

"You could have just used your own name" he informed "nobody knows you after all."

She rolled her eyes "Do you think I- I mean, do you think _you_ look like a Nymphadora Tonks? It doesn't exactly suit you. And Dorian sounds a bit like Dora, which is what my friends call me. Besides, I didn't want everyone to run around calling me 'Snape'. I'd go bonkers."

Severus could see her point, even though he still didn't like the name. Instead he changed the topic again; "I assume your friend back there, Jonathan, owned the house you were living in?"

"Yes. He is a farmer, and he owns a few of the acres outside of town. He let me stay in his house for free in exchange for help on the fields."

"That is what you have been doing these months? Harvesting wheat?" he said curiously.

"Yep, pretty much" she said with a smile and studied his face for any expression. "It's hard work, but it is surprisingly social, and people have been very welcoming, so I've been enjoying myself. Considering my . . . predicament. You might feel a bit sore in your back, but at least your arms are stronger."

He nodded. It was true, his back was sore. But generally, he felt better than he had done in a long time. She continued; "But I am glad I came here as a man though. A man travelling alone looking for work is quite common, but had I come here alone as a woman I might have been branded as a witch or a gypsy and burned at the stakes. Not that I would have been in any danger but I wanted to stay peacefully in this town since it is so close to the door in case someone came looking for me. Thank merlin for that, eh?"

"Like your 'wife' for instance?"

She laughed "Oh, your expression when Jonathan said that. It was priceless! You see I had two families who wanted me to marry their daughters, so I told everyone I had a wife somewhere that was coming to live with me when she finished with her family affairs." Severus frowned again. Okay, he could understand that. That way she had a good excuse to why she came alone to the village, but he could not for the life of him understand how _two_ families wanted her to marry their daughters. She had been in _his body_ for the last two months after all. He was not handsome enough for people to want him as a son in law. But, he thought, it was probably her charm that made her attractive with the ladies. An attribute he himself didn't have.

And . . . why was she still holding his hand? He had expected her to let go the instant they got out of sight from the townspeople . . . but she didn't. Instead she seemed genuinely unwilling to let go while she led him out of town and up a hill. It was again as if she was afraid he'd disappear in thin air unless she held him in place. He was unsure if he should let her hold on in favour of her comfort or to let go in favour of his own. But in the end he couldn't stand it anymore and pulled away.

He felt incredibly awkward about that little situation. He never touched anyone . . . ever . . . and here she was holding his hand as if it was something they did every day. She gave him a curious look before she turned and continued without comment.

They walked quickly. Tonks led him through a forest on a pathway that went continuously uphill for twenty minutes before they finally came out on a flower field in the middle of a clearing. Severus could see the wardrobe door about a hundred feet in front of them in the middle of the field. There was no wardrobe around it, only the door hovering a few inches above ground. The clearing was surrounded by trees on all sides. "Here we go" said Tonks and led him to a tree at the outskirt of the field, sat herself down in the grass and beckoned him to sit next to her. He did and she cast a muffiliato charm and a concealment charm around them.

"There" she began "now we can talk without being overheard." She settled her back against the tree trunk. It was a position she seemed familiar with.

"I assume you have been spending a lot of time in this place" said Severus and indicated his head towards the field.

"Yes, well as much as I could. At first I came here every evening to see if the door would show up. And I like this place. I like to come here when I want to be alone. I suppose I've spent a bit too much time here, but I've been so desperate to see someone from my own time I- it's been bordering to frenzy at times."

Her confession discomforted him. It struck him how easily she could talk about her distress with a man she hardly knew. As if he wanted to know! He didn't want to hear any more of it so he tried to steer the wheel to something he understood; "Has it occurred to you this predicament of yours was your own fault? You went down there alone! Perhaps if you hadn't been so reckless-"

Her jawmuscles tightened when she turned to glare at him "Don't you think I know that?" she said coldly. He evaded her eyes. 'Shit' he thought, that was probably the wrong thing to say. Of course it was true, but it was foolish to get on her bad side when she had important information to convey.

They sat there in awkward silence for a minute before Tonks spoke again. "But anyways, I need to tell you everything I learned while I stayed here." Her tone was light, as if their awkwardness had never occurred.

Severus studied her curiously when she drew a breath "I think I have found the cure to our problem."

He straightened in interest "How?"

"Remember Albus told us The Well of Lives was destroyed during the medieval times? Well a few weeks ago, I heard that The Well might still be around. We don't need to count on Amaryllis to find a cure for us, we could go straight to the source ourselves."

Severus stared at her in astonishment. The idea was very intriguing. If what she said was true and the Well was still around . . . then they could be cured. Perhaps he would not have to live as a woman for the rest of his life. And Tonks would be free from the curse of living in _his_ body forever. Perhaps he would not have ruined her life after all? . . . But he was not an optimistic guy by nature and a tale like that was simply too good to be true. "How do we know its true? You say it _might_ be around, but do you know for sure?"

Tonks shook her head with a smile as if she had expected his scepticism. "No" she said calmly "I base my knowledge completely on rumours and tales. Nobody I know has been to the well themselves."

"Then how do you know it is still around?" he said annoyed.

"I don't."

He held out his hands in exasperation "That is not enough, Tonks."

"Yes it is" she said optimistically. "We have a chance, no matter how small, to actually fix our problem."

"And if it is a wild goose chase?"

"Then at least we tried, right?"

Severus wanted it to be true. So much. But come on, what did she take him for? He crossed his arms "Supposed this well is there and actually exists. How far is it supposed to be?" he couldn't keep the sarcasm out of his voice.

"It is a two-week journey from here . . . on horseback. I have no idea where it is, so we cannot apparate there . . ."

He groaned "And what about the wardrobe door? If we leave it now, it will disappear."

"Well, you see the appearance of the door is of course a legend in this town. As I have heard, the door appears every other full moon on the field on its own. Many has tried to enter it but it is impossible to open. Apparently, it only appears at any other time when someone enters from the other side. My theory is that _we_ can open it from this side because we belong to the _other_ side. If that makes sense. If we close it now and go to the place of the Well, all we have to do is wait until the next full moon."

"That is simply a theory. Based on a legend. Do you seriously want to risk your future on a legend? Have you seen the door appear yourself? Have you tried to open it from this side?"

"No, it didn't appear this full moon."

Severus had to close his eyes for patience "And what if it never shows up on its own? Or worse, what if it does, and it turns out we can never open it?"

"Then we're stuck here" she said frustratingly lightly.

"Merlin woman you cannot possibly want to risk our future on guesses and legends!" he exclaimed in frustration at her stupidity. Her optimism was painful. "Can you not see how much we would put at risk? If we get trapped here, we will be completely useless in the fight against the dark lord! Our efforts so far for the order will go to waste!" Severus also thought Dumbledore needed him as a spy and if he lost him . . . "That is not a risk I am willing to take" he said finally.

"Snape . . . Severus . . . Amaryllis will never find a cure for our condition. I am sorry but that is the truth." She pressed on further when Severus shook his head in disbelief "If we go back to Grimmauld place now we will eventually be stuck in each others body forever."

He evaded her eyes again. He knew that. Deep down. But he had spent the last few weeks hoping that Amaryllis and Dumbledore could in some miraculous way find a cure after all. It was difficult to let go. "What use is there to find the well if we get stuck in medieval England for the rest of our lives? We cannot trust the door to appear simply because we wish it. And what If you are wrong and the well is already destroyed?"

"Our fate is generally very unsure at the moment whether we chose to go or not, but I say we should give it a go. This is our chance to change our fate, but in order to do that we have to risk closing the door. Listen, we can make someone on the other side come and open the door for us. Then we can wait on the field until it appears."

Severus studied his shoes while he traced his eyebrow with his finger "We have to plan this properly."

"Yes, I know. I agree we should not risk closing the door before we have studied the wardrobe closer. Preferably with Dumbledores help. And we also need someone on the other side to open the door for us."

"But we just found out time goes slower over there. We do not know the time difference between here and there. What if it only takes whoever opens the door only five minutes but for us it takes months? What if an hour in their time takes us fifteen years? What then?"

"I know, I know but I think we need to do this. Besides, I don't see how bad it would be to be stuck here with you for fifteen years" she smiled at his befuddled frown "It could be worse." Yes indeed, she could have been stuck here with the Dark Lord but that was about the only situation that was worse. Her assertion made so little sense he exclaimed; "You are so frustrating, are you aware of that!?" To his great frustration she only smiled.

"So are you thinking about it?"

There was nothing he wanted more than go to the Well so why did he hesitate? Because of Dumbledore of course. Would it be worth it if they could never return to their own time? But he knew it was a risk he wanted to take. What if Dumbledore put the burden of spying on Tonks instead of him when it turned out their problem was permanent? He could not let that happen. Then he would have ruined her life forever. He hesitated for a moment before he nodded. "Fine! Fine. I want to do this. I don't want to be stuck as a woman for the rest of my life."

"I don't want to be stuck as a man for the rest of my life" said Tonks with a wide grin.

They decided they would go back through the door and contact Dumbledore before they made further plans on what to do. Then they would assess the possibility of being trapped against the value of going to the well. Dumbledore would definitely be the one to open the door, and he would need someone there with him to make sure he could fight off the obvious compulsion charm that was laid on it. Severus trusted few other people than Dumbledore to be able to do that.

Severus felt the sun hit his face when they entered the field. He rarely let himself feel optimistic. Bad things happened when he did that, but now he allowed himself for just a tiny bit. They might have a chance to find the cure. That was good.

But as they approached the door Severus noticed a shift in the wind. Something was wrong. He acted on instinct when he threw himself at Tonks and pulled them both to the ground. He was not a moment too soon. As they landed he heard something swish past above them and land a few feet away.

An arrow.


	12. Snape does something stupid

_As they approached the door Severus noticed a shift in the wind. Something was wrong. He acted on instinct as he threw himself at Tonks and pulled them both to the ground. He was not a moment too soon. When they landed he heard something swish past above them and land a few feet away._

 _An arrow._

 **Chapter 12:**

Tonks, who had given a loud cry when he pulled her down, stiffened at the sight of the culprit. A band of twenty men riding on horses entered the clearing. They were clearly soldiers of some kind, but their faces were hostile as they rode forward and formed a ring around them. Some carried spears, and some had bows and arrows but they all carried the same uniform with an emblem of a red dragon on their chests.

"Halt!" yelled the one in front, a rather plump man with a black beard. The other horsemen pulled the reins and stopped. Tonks got to her feet and pulled Severus with her. He gripped his wand (no, not his wand he realised, he still had Tonkses wand) but he didn't pull it. These guys burned witches and wizards at the stakes. Even if being burned at the stakes was not particularly dangerous for a wizard, these men could still hurt them. They had weapons after all and could easily kill them with a bow and arrow if they wanted. A primitive weapon like that could not be stopped by a mere shield charm.

Severus decided not to reveal he was a wizard just yet.

"What is your purpose here" asked one of them. Not the leader but another man, probably next in command. He had a strong chin and a fierce glare. "Why are you approaching the door of the beyond?!"

Tonks hesitated for a second before she answered "We merely wished to examine it, sir. We have never seen a door like this before." Severus bit the inside of his cheek. She could have come up with a better answer than that. Admittedly, Severus had no idea what that better answer should have been.

"And who are you to decide whether you should be allowed to examine it, girl? You are mere commoners. You have no right to approach the door."

Severus wanted to ask what exactly gave _them_ the right, but Tonks continued; "Umm" she said hesitatingly "Who are you guys?"

"We are the honourable men of Lord Mordon." Said the fierce one haughtily. As if he wondered why Tonks didn't know that already.

"Lord Mordon, sir? Oh, I have heard you are very brave men indeed" said Tonks with a flattering tone. Severus had no idea what she was playing at, but he decided to go with whatever she said. He did not agree though. If these were 'noble men' then what on earth were they shooting at them for!?

"Do not flatter me girl and distract me form the task ahead. Only demons can enter the door. You and your companion would have been killed instantly if you tried. This is the pathway to the demons land. Unless you are demons yourselves?"

"We are not demons sir, we are merely curious."

"Well then you better stay away while we do our job."

"And what are you planning to do sir? If you don't mind me asking?"

"We are selected by Lord Mordon to wipe this earth of this demon magic. We will burn the demon door with the holy fire and burn the demons with it." The Fierce one then gestured to some of the men to approach the door. Five of them pulled out torches from their belts and lit them. Severus felt his heart pound against his ribs.

They were planning to burn down the door!?

Tonks was not as good at hiding her alarm as he was. She gripped Severuss arm in panic and said; "But sir, what if it is not the door to the demons? What if it is the door to the fairies' land?"

"You know nothing of what you are talking girl, only demons can come from a floating door. And the door is open. The demons have already entered our world. We must purge the ones inside and trap the ones on this side. Then we will destroy them all!" exclaimed the Fierce one and glared a bit more at them before he turned and gestured to the other soldiers to follow his lead. They left Severus and Tonks on one side as they gathered towards the door.

"What do we do?" asked Tonks whispering, "Do we take them out?"

"They are too many. If we try, they will kill us before we manage to take them all" he answered.

"How do you know they'll kill us? We have magic and they don't."

"Have you ever tried to stop an arrow with your shield?" he couldn't help making a condescending tone.

"No, is that not supposed to work?" she said with a mock imitation of his tone.

Severus had to roll his eyes at her stupidity. Did she know nothing? "No, miss Tonks, it is not possible to stop an arrow with a shield charm. Do you think I would still be standing here still if I could?"

"Well excuse me for not having experience with arrows and spears in my line of work, _Professor_. Criminals don't seem to prefer them anymore in the modern world" she said with an annoyed whisper and turned her back on him. Then she seemed to get an idea and whispered; "Can we apparate in and close the door from the other side?"

Severus tried. He turned on the spot with the inside of the wardrobe on his mind, but it didn't work. He didn't move an inch. "No" he said in surprise. It was strange he had not at least apparated to the other side of the door, but he had not moved. "It seems one can only enter the other world through the portal."

"Fuck, then we have to get past them" said Tonks. Her tone suddenly grew more unsure. She was at loss . . . and so was he.

How did they get past them? How did they stop twenty soldiers with bows and arrows from burning the door without revealing they had magic. At this point, Severus was embarrassed to admit he forgot everything he had ever learned about defence. And that really was embarrassing. He had been a teacher at Hogwarts for fourteen years for Merlins sake! If these were deatheaters he could always manipulate them into doing what he wanted, but they were not deatheaters. They weren't even magical. How ironic that he would feel weaker in front of a bunch of muggles rather than a whole pack of deatheaters.

Then again, he knew the deatheaters. He knew how they thought and how they behaved. These guys . . . were soldiers from the fourteen hundreds. How was he supposed to know what they thought?

They could try to scare away the soldiers with fireworks perhaps, or some bright flashy lights? But fire could put the door in danger. Perhaps transfigure one of them into a bear and have him scare away the others? Then again they might end up killing him and they didn't want that to happen. They had no idea what that could do to the timeline.

While severus tried to come up with a plan that involved not killing anyone, including himself and Tonks, one of the soldiers lit his torch and gave it to The Fierce one to light up the door. Now Tonks seemed to lose her cool. She darted forwards and yelled; "Sir! What if the demons grow angry at you for burning their door and attack you? This could put you in mortal danger! Please, for your own safety will you not reconsider?"

The Fierce one gave her an angry glare and swung his torch at her. It hit her cheek with an ugly crunch. She exclaimed in surprise before she landed in a heap by his feet. Severus didn't know what he was doing. He exclaimed in rage and came forward. Some of the soldiers protested against The Fierce ones' behaviour but he ignored them "Do not get in my way girl! Or I may brand you as a witch for-!"

But he was interrupted by Severus who gripped his collar; "How dare you attack her like that!?"

Severus didn't do anything in particular to harm the Fierce One, but he was instantly pulled away by two other soldiers. One of them slung him to the ground and shoved his forearm against his throat.

But at this point the plump leader, who had been silent up until now, suddenly interfered; "Wow wow wow! Men! What behaviour is this? Do we beat ladies and bully commoners? Harold, loosen your grip on him" he said to the soldier who held Severus down. The soldier removed his arm from Severuses throat but did not let him stand up.

"I apologise for my mens behaviour" continued the leader while he helped a woozy but conscious Tonks to her feet "They can get a little carried away. But please proceed with the burning" he said to the soldiers as he turned to them. He had purposefully let Severus stay down.

"Oh, but sir, if you burn the door the demons will take revenge on you, I know it. You will put yourself in danger I promise you!"

"Oh, no need to worry my lady, we are mighty men and can handle demons."

"No but you don't understand!" she said in frustration, while she squeezed her eyes shut and gripped her head with one hand as if to force herself to come up with a better excuse. Obviously, her head didn't want to work with her. Severus could understand that, considering someone had just tried to use it as a bludger.

"Proceed please" said the leader and pointed at the door. The Fierce One snatched the torch from one of the more hesitant soldiers and thrust the flame towards the door.

"NO!" yelled Tonks and flew forwards. She seemed to have forgotten she had a wand.

As the other soldiers also put their torches against the door Severus made his decision. While still being held down by Harold the Soldier, he pulled out his wand and pointed at the plank that jammed the door open. Luckily, Harold looked another way. The plank wedged itself free from the crack and hit The Fierce One in the knee. He yelled in pain while the door shut with a small click. Then he launched himself forwards to make a grab for the door, but it was too late. The door faded away and disappeared.

They all stared in shock at the now empty spot where the door had been. Severus quickly hid the wand again. "What did you do?" whispered Tonks. It was directed at him, but she still looked at the absent door.

Then she cried in panic "What did you just do!?"

Severus was also in shock. What had he just done? He had closed their only way home and now it was gone. They might never be able to return to their own time. He had been so consumed with protecting the door from harm that he had forgotten they needed it open. Whether it was whole or not mattered little if they could never use it. Severus could see that Tonks tried to hold back her tears next to the stout leader, who gave her a curious look. She had told him she hated to cry in front of people and here he had made her do it again, twice in the same day.

"The demons must have decided to run in fear of the holy fire" said one of them. But the danger was not over yet. Harold the Soldier turned to glare fiercely at Severus, whom he was still pinning down, and pulled out a knife from his belt. "Your interference made us loose our target" he said fiercely and held the knife against Severuss throat "You should be punished for that!"

Unable to move without being cut by the silver blade, Severus only felt a numb acceptance of his fate. Now he was certainly going to die. And why not? He was so embarrassed of himself he wanted to die anyways. Still, what little stubbornness he had left made him glare defiantly at Harold.

He heard Tonks exclaim in alarm and stagger forward, hopefully to intercept Harold and not to simply come closer for a better look while Harold dissected him. However, she was held back by the bearded leader who said; "Now now, Harold. This is hardly necessary. Put down your knife and let go of the commoner."

"Sir!" insisted Harold "These people could be druids, working for the demons. For all we know they alerted the demons of our arrival! In that case-"

"Harold!" interrupted the leader. "We have no proof of that! let the commoner up!"

"Sir! I must insist!"

"Do as I say!"

"Fine!" said Harold petulantly. He sheathed his knife and glared a bit more at Severus before he released him and rose, without helping Severus to stand. Severus stayed down for another second. Long enough to recognize how close he had just been to lose his head. His heart was still racing dangerously fast when he noticed Tonks who had fallen to her knees next to him.

"Are you okay?" she asked with a surprising amount of concern.

"Yes" he said and rose quickly to get some distance between them. He didn't like it when she came so close . . . or perhaps he simply didn't like it when she was crying over him as if he was dead . . . or perhaps he simply didn't like her concern. As if he deserved it . . .

Politeness would probably have him help her up on her feet again, but he was reluctant to touch her, and in the end, he hesitated for too long and she got to her feet on her own.

While the soldiers talked about returning to wherever they came from and started gathering themselves together, Severus crossed his arms defensively while guilt washed over him. He wanted to defend his actions. He wanted Tonks to stop crying. But since he was Severus Snape his attempt of reassurance came out as a harsh bark "They nearly burned the door, I saved our only chance to get back! So, don't you dare put the blame on me!"

Oddly enough she gave a little laugh and dried her tears. "I know, I know, now we have a chance to get back later if someone comes looking for us. You did the right thing. I'm sorry for crying, it's just a natural reaction." Then she put a gentle hand on his tightly knit arms while she dabbed her eye with the other "Are you okay?"

Her answer surprised him. He had expected her to yell at him or glare hatefully or freeze him out, or even attack him. But instead she sounded like she still cared about his welfare. He had not expected her to be so kind, considering the fact that he had just ruined her life . . . Again.

". . . yes" he answered. Then he noticed how red and swollen her cheek had become. "You should have a look at that . . . but perhaps not here" he looked in the direction of the soldiers.

She brought her hand up to her cheek to administer the damage. "Well, nothin's broken at least, but it hurts like hell" she said while wincing in pain.

The plump leader came over to them and gestured towards Tonks "May I ask why the lady is crying?"

"She is crying because one of your men hit her with a bloody torch!" lied Severus in annoyance. Bloody soldiers who ruined everything, put their noses in their business and pretended to care!

"You have my deepest apologies for my mens behaviour" said the leader, as if it wasn't all his fault. "May I repay you by inviting you to Lord Mordons castle to have a look at the damage? You are very welcome to dine with us tonight and we would be equally happy to provide you with a bed for the night."

Severus was about to refuse. The nerve of him to think their behaviour and the damage they had done to their lives could be repaid by food! But Tonks put a hand on his arm again and exclaimed; "Oh, sir, what an honour! We would very much like to accept!"

"Splendid" said the leader "Then may I ask you your name good sir?"

"Snape" said Severus automatically, before he realized his mistake. He had forgotten he was supposed to have lived here for two months already. He glanced at Tonks briefly, only to see her glaring at him. "Err . . . Dorian Snape" he continued "and this is . . . Molly" he gestured at Tonks, using the first name he came up with.

Tonks curtsied to the leader who took her hand and kissed it "Well, may I ask if this lovely lady would like to ride with me to the castle, lest her injury make her faint?"

Severus frowned at this, but Tonks answered immediately; "Oh, thank you sir, but I'd much rather walk with my husband" she said this while she slipped her hand into Severuses again as if to prove a point "There is no man I feel safer with."

The soldier looked disappointed, but he straightened and nodded; "Very well," then he turned to his men and ordered them to get ready. First when they started to move did Severus ask her what on earth was her deal. He was, again, awkward by the fact that she held his hand.

"Don't you see? If we want to travel to The Well, we need supplies, and where better to find everything we need than a castle?"

"I'm sorry, did we agree to travel to The Well suddenly? I must have missed that."

Tonks rolled her eyes "As if we have anything better to do. We can't exactly sit here and stare at an empty field for another month."

"Perhaps we could try and _reveal_ the door, so we at least know how to get back to our own time before we embark on an epic quest to a place we don't even know exists?" Again, his voice sounded harsher than he meant.

Tonks glared at him again and squeezed his hand harder. "As if I haven't already thrown every single revealing charm over that area already. There is no way to make it appear, or accio it or whatever. The door simply doesn't exist until it is visible again. I've tried, Severus, I've tried for months. But there is no use. All we can do now is wait for it to appear the next full moon. That's in three weeks. In the meantime, we can keep ourselves busy by going to The Well." She suddenly nudged his hand and gestured towards the soldiers. They were moving away from them. "Walk" she said and pushed him in the direction of soldiers. A gesture Severus didn't appreciate. He wanted to call her out on her rudeness, but he didn't want to start a fight in front of the medieval soldiers. Instead he started to move in that direction in lack of something better to do.

"What do you suggest then? That we sneak in through an unknown amount of guards and soldiers and act as common thieves?"

"Yep." she shrugged at his raised eyebrows "Well it is better to steal food from the rich than from the farmers in the village."

He had to silently agree to her logic, but he didn't need to like it. If they were heading out on some journey together, they needed supplies like food, water and blankets and so on. Stealing that from rich people was more considerate than stealing from the poor. It was also less likely to be discovered. But he didn't want to suddenly head out on a journey without plan, without preparation and without a proper destination. He didn't want to travel in a place where he didn't feel confident about his own abilities.

And he certainly didn't want to travel with Tonks.

Not only was she terribly annoying, she was also young, confident, and quite beautiful. Everything was wrong with her. He was not comfortable with the idea of travelling with her . . . alone . . .

How could he spend that long with her when he wasn't even comfortable with holding her hand?

And yet it seemed like he had agreed to do just that . . .

But it was a bad idea. Especially because of that tiny issue with the rain. It had been bad enough to spend his time as a woman in the 1990s, but here? Severus had no idea how women were regarded in this time period but he had a pretty good idea. Women had no role, no say or opinion. They were regarded as belongings either by their fathers or by their husbands, and even though Severus was male right now, that would very soon change by the next rainfall.

He didn't want to travel as a woman.

He didn't want to travel at all.

Ahrrrg! All just because he had to close that stupid door. Why could things not be simple?

But he supposed they wouldn't. His life had never been simple . . .

* * *

 **Tonks:**

While Snape continued to worry about the aspects of travelling as a woman, grumbling over his own lack of abilities and occasionally questioning his own sanity, we continued to walk behind the soldiers through the forest and down the hill to a gravel road that lead away from the village. Most of the soldiers rode ahead of us to Lord Mordons castle, but some of them stayed behind to lead us in the right direction.

At this point we could have taken out the remaining soldiers with our wands but I saw no harm in continuing to follow them.

Also, I was still woozy and probably useless in a fight. My face throbbed while we walked, and I could feel the entire left side of my face swell to twice its normal size. It was painful alright. I couldn't see for myself how it looked, but judging by Snapes expression, it was pretty bad.

I couldn't remember ever being hit in the face this hard before. Not even that time Mad Eye had accidentally bashed my nose in during a fight with some low criminals. However, I couldn't very well pull out my wand and heal it, in case I was discovered. Being seen performing magic among these people would give me a lot more than a simple concussion.

The problem was that my dizziness made me trip over nearly every root in my path, or if there were no roots in near proximity I would trip over my own feet or simply over thin air. The only reason why I didn't faceplant in the dirt was because I used Snape as a handrail.

He didn't like that. He was clearly annoyed at my noses sudden interest in the dirt, and he was again uncomfortable about having to hold my hand. In fact, he suggested I ride with one of the soldiers in front of us after all, several times, but I couldn't make myself let go of his hand.

I had waited for so many days, weeks, thinking I would never be able to see anyone from my time again, but here he was, alive and well. I couldn't help it. I needed to reassure myself he was really there. I needed to make sure he wouldn't disappear on me and turn out to only be a dream.

I also wanted to keep up the appearance of a married couple in front of the leader soldier. I did not like the look he had given me when he asked if I wanted to ride with him. As if I was a piece of gold that he could possess as long as he lay claim to me. His disappointment had been obvious when I announced that I was married to Snape. That meant I was taken. He was honour bound from the Christian church to stay away from me. Of that I was glad, so I didn't care how much I had to hold Snapes hand. It didn't matter who he was. I actually did feel safer with Snape than with any other man in the world. At least in this time-period. It wasn't as if I had feeling for him or anything, I simply considered him my closest friend at the moment. Which he basically _was_ considering he was the only person I knew in this time except for the villagers of Watercrest.

The castle of Mordon was a two hour walk away from the village. We spoke very little on the way, apart from the few times when Snape tried to warn me about something I could potentially trip over, then go quiet mid-sentence because I had already tripped over it.

But I made a point of patting his arm now and then just to reassure him. Of what I wasn't sure. It was hard not to worry about him after he closed the door. Every time we went through a Switch we also shared a mental connection that allowed us to share emotions. Even messages. I had discovered that today when I told him to stay where he was so I could come and find him. The sensation was strange. Instead of receiving a reply from him, I had simply felt his wordless agreement to my message. But even though the connection usually faded completely after a few minutes, I had still been able to pick up on his feelings after the door incident.

Based on his tone and expression one could have assumed he wanted to kill me, but his feelings of guilt and insecurity said something else.

It was so strange that I had never considered this side of him before. I knew how unsure and guilty he felt about our potions-thing, but I had never considered how that defined his character. Now I realised how insecure he really was. Not just about this one incident, but in general. He tended to put the blame on himself even though he fooled himself he blamed everyone else. It was a bad habit, but I could understand why he did this. He had no one to tell him when things weren't his fault. But I decided that I would do everything I could to let him know I didn't blame him for this.

Perhaps he would believe me?

Of course, I understood his emotions perfectly. I hadn't handled the situation very well myself, and _I_ was the one who had spent two months in this time already. How could I fail so miserably in defeating a bunch of morons with spears? I was a fully trained auror for merlins sake! I could have used my metamorphmagus abilities to turn into a demon and scare them off (something that would most likely have gotten me killed) or perhaps I could have turned into a beautiful woman added some magic sparks and some light and claimed I was an elf or a fairy?

But . . . I had genuinely forgotten about my abilities.

Something that was terribly disturbing.

I had spent my time in Snapes body for just a little over two months, and I had already started to get used to it. I had already grown accustomed to not being able to change my shape anymore, nor to use magic.

Instead of solving the problem with magic, I had tried to use diplomacy or trickery or something. Turns out I failed miserably with both of those. Snape might be embarrassed about his decision to close the door, but I should truly be embarrassed about my own inadequateness. How could it have gone so wrong? How could I be so bad at trickery when had strived to be a trickster ever since I started school?

Had my younger self seen me now, she would have died in shame.

In retrospect though, our current situation was probably our best outcome. If I had used my abilities to scare off the soldiers and failed, there would have been nowhere else to run than through the door, and then I would have to leave Snape behind. No matter how annoying I found him, I couldn't do that to him. If any of us had used magic we would have been burned at the stakes at best or shot and killed at worst. Now we were at least alive and free to do whatever we wanted.

Even though what we wanted was to chase some far-fetched legend about a magic potion that we didn't know existed . . .

Even though Snape had my wand at this point and I had his, I didn't try to exchange them while we walked. I figured we could do it eventually when nobody was looking. But I never got the chance to do so. After another two hours of walking in silence, in which my head had managed to clear a bit and I wasn't tripping over everything anymore, we finally arrived at a small castle overlooking a field with a new little village nearby. The soldiers led us through a stone gateway into a small courtyard and demounted their horses. Then two of the soldiers left their horses to the others and led me and Snape through a pair of wooden doors and into an entrance hall. It was definitely not as big as the entrance hall of Hogwarts, but it was well decorated with tapestries and paintings. Then we were ushered through another door and into a large hall with a neatly carved wooden throne in the middle.

There were women in expensive silk dresses and men in embroidered coats standing or sitting on stone benches around the throne but there was an open space in the middle of the room, where the soldiers positioned us.

Upon the throne sat the most unattractive man I had ever seen.

Next to him, Snape looked like an underwear model (which was a thought I would never have made elsewhere . . . Sorry snape).

The man, I assumed it was Lord Mordon, looked like a soldier who had become lazy in his old days. His skin was sickly pale, and his belt was tight around a large pot belly. But that was not his worst feature. His face looked like someone had put eyes and a mouth on a piece of dough. His lips were pudgy and red, his eyes were watery, and he had a greying wispy beard on his chin. It was hardly flattering.

The people in the room turned to look at us when we entered, and the two soldiers positioned themselves in front of us. "My lord" they said in unison and bowed. "Reports of the door of the beyond sir. We tried to burn it, sir, but it disappeared before the flames could catch on. We believe the demons noticed our presence and fled."

Lord Mordon pursed his lips in disappointment "We will have to something the next time the door appears. I will not have demons running around free in our land." Then he indicated to me and Snape behind the soldiers in question. The soldiers backed up and positioned themselves on each side of us, facing the pudgy man in the throne. "My Lord, this is Mister Dorian Snape and his wife Mrs Snape. Sir Bragi took the liberty to invite them to the castle to meet you."

"Bow" I ordered Snape as I curtsied myself. My mind halted slightly upon hearing the name 'Mrs Snape'.

"I figured that myself thank you" he whispered back in a fake cheerful tone and bowed elegantly. He too looked quite diffident about my new title. But when we straightened up again, the room fell silent. The soldier looked at Snape, clearly expecting him to say something. Snape caught on quickly and turned to Lord Mordon with a fake charming smile "Yes, we are very honoured to meet you my lord. My wife talks about you a lot. She has always had a wish to meet you in person. And your men are very brave indeed."

Lord Mordon smiled, clearly flattered. "Thank you, Mr Snape. You and your wife are very welcome in my castle." Lord Mordons eyes rested at me for a moment too long before he said; "May I ask you what happened to your wifes' face Mr Snape?"

The soldiers on each side of us squirmed a bit but Snape straightened with a condescending look at the two soldiers. "One of your soldiers struck her down with a torch, my Lord". One had to admire Snapes acting skills. It was obvious he had done stuff like this before. His act as a biddable servant was flawless, and I was vastly impressed. This was something he knew how to do. Of course, he had plenty of practice from playing the servant of Lord Voldemort.

Lord Mordon leaned in to one of the men sitting next to him and whispered something. When he straightened again, he smiled and brought his arms out in a wide arch. "Then let my physichian have a look at that injury. A lady should never have to be treated as such. I shall have a talk with the soldier responsible, but in the meantime, I invite you both to dine with us this evening, that is the least I can do for my mens behaviour."

Without glancing at me once, Snape accepted the invitation with another bow. Lord Mordon then waved for a woman in the back of the crowd "I will let lady Fiona take your wife to my physichian. He will help heal her wound."

Lady Fiona was a tall dark-haired lady with a thin horse-face. She looked at us like we were a pair of dead slugs. She rose and came up to us. Her dress was made of a fine green silk that rustled slightly when she walked. I curtsied politely to her when she stood right in front of me, but she looked down her nose at me with a long condescending look and refused to curtsy back. I decided I didn't bother to get insulted. While Snape had to stay and talk to the ugly Lord Mordon, I was led out of the hall by lady Fiona. I gave Snape a quick glance before I left. I suddenly felt very unsure about leaving him, but he gave me a small nod that told me he would be fine.

Lady Fiona didn't say much as we walked but I didn't particularly feel like talking to this arrogant lady. She led me through a few stone hallways before we came to a wooden door. She knocked before we entered a strange and messy sort of infirmary with only one bed in a corner and shelves upon shelves of vials with various contents. Only a few of the vials had magical content, like wolfsbane and Jillflower leaves, but mostly there were only normal things like dried birch leaves and pickled frogs.

The physician was an old man who reminded me of Doctor Frankensteins Igor. Same hooked nose and same deformed back. But he seemed nice enough. He examined my cheek and smeared on some kind of strongly smelling herbal tincture. I knew this tincture would probably have absolutely no effect. I could have healed my wound quicker myself, but I let him treat me before he sent me away. Lady Fiona stayed silently with me in the tiny infirmary until I was done. Then she led me out and into the hallway. I expected her to lead me back to the throne room, but she called out for two passing servants further up in the corridor and ordered them to take me to a chamber and have me dressed properly for dinner. "Ladies have to be presentable in Lord Mordons castle" she said, before she turned on her heel and left me with her nose in the air.

I wasn't sure if I should find this insulting or consider it an opportunity. If I could get hold of a dress that would be a great advantage for our journey further as I would not have to glamour myself all the time. I pretended to be happy with this suggestion and followed the two servants.

However, the dresses I was presented with turned out to be a little too extravagant for my taste. One was heavier and more expensive looking than the other. But I thought I could always sneak down and steal one of the servants dresses if it came to that. I chose the least outstanding dress with a light lilac colour, a simpler material than silk and without those flitty widened arms that were so popular in this era. I needed some help by the servants to put the dress on, but when I was finished I put my jeans and t-shirt into the little backpack I had brought with me and put it on my back with a glamour charm, so no one would notice it at dinner.

I also chose to keep my own leather boots on in case something happened and put a glamour charm on them too. I didn't know why, but I felt like I needed to be ready to leave at a moments notice. something felt off about this castle, but I couldn't put my finger on it.

When it was time for dinner, one of the maids came to fetch me. I followed her downstairs to the hall where a company of the other ladies of the castle stood waiting for me outside the doors. I was a bit overwhelmed by that. It was not like I was one of them, but I stood behind the company as they went inside. The men were already seated but when the ladies arrived they all rose from their seats. Snape had not been given new clothes, but I guessed there was no need for him to dress properly. He was just a common guy after all.

Snape surprised me by pulling out my chair for me with a very fake sweet smile. I gave him an overly fake smile back. Some of the other men had done the same thing for the other ladies so perhaps he only copied them. Wise move Snape.

We were clearly outsiders and spoke very little in the company unless someone asked us questions. But the food was delicious, so I focused mostly on that. Especially after I noticed how Lord Mordon kept sending me these furtive looks. It was creepy and disconcerting, and I hoped he would lose interest in me soon. But unfortunately, I had no such luck. When the main course was finished the lord turned to us and started asking questions.

"So Dorian, I hear you live in Watercrest what was your purpose there?"

Snape made up some jargon about what he had done there. Mostly he repeated what I had told him. But as the lord asked him what he was going to do now, Snape answered without hesitation "Now I will bring my wife to London where we will try our luck." He was so good at lying I would have believed him myself.

The lord then proceeded to tell some tales about London in a pleasant manner. Even though I found him unattractive, Mordon seemed pleasant enough to Snape. That was until the dinner was over and it was time retire for the night. It had become pitch black outside when Mordon put down his goblet.

"Well I suppose it is time to retire for the night. I want to ask you if you would like to spend the night in my castle, my good sir" said the lord to Snape "but I would have to ask your favour in return. That is the usual custom within these walls."

"Yes of course" said Snape politely.

"I want you to spare me your wife tonight and let her spend the night by my side."

I stiffened in disbelief, but Snape seemed unable to comprehend the request. "I'm sorry?" he said, clearly confused. The request was apparently so atrocious he couldn't fathom it.

"In return for my hospitality I ask you to let your wife spend the night by my side. Only then will I allow you to stay" said Mordon calmly. I felt a surge of rage at his request and I rose suddenly from my chair. Snape stayed silent for a moment before he rose too, although more composedly than I. His voice shook with anger when he answered the lord "Never have I met a lord so disgusting such as you. My wife is not an object to be traded for food and hospitality. I am sorry to have intruded upon you for so long, but if that is your request for our continued hospitality here then we will leave immediately." This time it was his turn to grab my hand and he pulled me determinedly towards the hall entrance.

"Wait!" yelled the lord after us. "Bravo! You passed my test! You are very welcome to stay here, my good sir. That was merely a test I usually do for our newcomers to see if they have a sincere heart towards their wives. I have often discovered men who do not care for their women so long as their own welfare is secure." He turned to his other peers and laughed heartily. The other guests used just a second too long to catch on and laugh with him. Some hesitatingly lagged. "You have passed my test quite admirably" continued the lord.

We stopped and hesitated.

"Let me offer you a room at my castle for the night. No repayment is necessary. This is my offer to you since you turned out to have such an admirable heart."

I met Snapes eyes. "I cannot detect that he is lying" said Snape sincerely "I merely think he has a twisted sense of humor."

I nodded. If Snape didn't think there was anything fishy about him then there could probably be no harm in staying for a little longer. At least only for the night. I was very tired after all, and we needed food supplies and maybe horses for our journey. Despite our better judgement, we turned back to the table and pretended to forgive the lord for his request. I still though it was a despicable thing to ask even if it was to test Snapes character.

I decided I didn't want to be in the castle for long. That meant I had to sneak down to the kitchen the same night and steal food and blankets if I could find any. Snape agreed to this idea when I told him quietly after dinner ended, and everyone went to retire. It turned out though that we had been provided separate rooms. His was a floor below me. I knew it was common in these parts of the country for husbands and wives to live separately but I had an eerie feeling we should stay together. I couldn't place the feeling though, so when I noticed Snapes obvious relief over our separation, I let it pass. He was clearly not comfortable about the idea of sharing a room with me. I guess I could understand him, I felt much the same way about him. Even though I had held his hand all day, it was still Snape.

We agreed that Snape would come to my room at midnight, and then we would sneak around in dillusionment until we had found everything we needed. Then we would leave early in the morning with whatever transport we could find. I couldn't help feeling there was something wrong about this castle, so when I entered my room, I locked the door behind me and warded it against muggles and intruders. Only a wizard would be able to open that door.

I didn't know why I felt compelled to ward my door. All I knew was I had Mad-eyes voice in my head shouting 'constant vigilance!' repeatedly. So, I put a curse on the door as well to burn anyone who tried to enter without knocking, counting on Snape to be smart enough to notice this easily.

Feeling pleased about my work, I went over to my four-poster bed to take off my expensive gown and change back into my jeans and t-shirt. It would be hard to sneak around in silence, whearing a floorlength ballgown. Too easy to trip over.

Then I waited.

About half an hour left till midnight, while I was sprawled over my bed and playing with a ribbon from the dress I had been wearing, I felt a sudden dizziness that could only mean one thing. It was about to rain.

I went over to the little window in the corner of my room to look out. It was clouded as far as I could see in the darkness.

It would start to rain any second.

As I stood there by the window I heard someone enter my room.

I turned around to greet Snape, half planning to call him Mrs Snape for the rest of the evening.

But it wasn't Snape who crept through the door.

It was the creepy lord Mordon.


	13. We steal a horse

_I turned around to greet Snape, half planning to call him Mrs Snape for the rest of the evening._

 _But it wasn't Snape who crept through the door._

 _It was the creepy lord Mordon._

 **Chapter 13:**

Fear boiled inside my chest while Mordon closed the door behind him with a click. I knew what he was here for and it was not a friendly chat. Snape refused him his way in the dining hall, so he had come to take what he wanted by force.

The only way he could have gotten past my protective spells was if he, too, was a wizard. And sure enough. While I backed into the wall, Mordon pulled out a wand from his pocket and pointed it at me.

His pudgy lips curled into a cruel smile. "My my" he tutted "I did not know you were a witch. Such a sweet thing as you. You put some strong wards on your door, but you had not expected me to be a wizard too did you? That will cost you."

I felt my heart thunder in alarm while I gripped my wand behind me. The timing could not have been worse. Had I been fully conscious it would have been one thing, but with the pending rain, my vision became increasingly foggy. I could hardly keep steady on my feet, let alone fight off a wizard with the intention to assault me.

In an attempt to stall Mordon while I figured out what to do, I tried to yell; "Help!" but the word only came out as a breathless whisper.

"Oh" said Mordon coyly. "You think you can call your husband for the rescue, did you? Worry not my child, I have made sure your husband is out of our way tonight. He will never hear of what happens between us."

"What have you done to him!?"

"Your worry for him is sweet" mocked Mordon while he opened the lace in the neck of his shirt, slowly and demonstratively. "But I cannot believe you care so much about him as you claim. Why you practically invited me to your room tonight."

"What have you done to him!?" I repeated more fiercely, refusing to look at Mordons fingers coyly playing with his lace.

"Never fear" sighed Mordon "I have only put him under a sleeping spell. Comfortable and oblivious to our nightly affair."

"You will never get away with this!" I exclaimed and tried my best to stay upright without revealing my current state to Mordon.

"Get away with it? Why I already have my dear. Why do you think I live in such luxury? I have my court doing my every bidding. All the women in the country at my disposal, with a little help from the confundus charm of course, but why should I not use the tools I have been given by God to help me get what I want?" Again, Mordons mouth twisted into a cruel smile.

At that moment I knew what I had to do. I needed to contact Snape. I could not defeat Mordon on my own, and Snape was the only person who could save me. Also, when the rain started to fall, _I_ would not be the one to be assaulted . . . Snape would.

I didn't wish a fate like this on my worst enemy and Snape was currently a friend. No matter how annoying he was normally, he deserved to know what was going on.

When The Switch had finally come so far I could reach out and feel Snapes presence somewhere beneath me, I called his name in my mind. 'Severus!' but his mind was shrouded in the blissful darkness of sleep.

'SEVERUS!' I cried again, trying to stir him from the magically induced sleep while also trying to concentrate on Mordon.

"You will be back by his side by the morrow having forgotten everything that happens tonight, and he will be none the wiser" continued Mordon, unaware that I was not paying attention.

Then his voice suddenly turned low and threatening "But tonight you belong to me."

He thrust a spell at me that I didn't know. I barely deflected it and got pushed further back into the wall. While I parried a few more spells I nudged Snapes mind with my own, trying desperately to wake him. But he didn't stir before I literally screamed his name out loud in front of Mordon. Mordon didn't let himself be deterred by that sort of thing. He was confident of his own abilities and was convinced no one would disturb us while he had his fun with me.

I could feel through our increasingly stronger connection that Snape had heard me. He was utterly confused but must have been able to pick up on my feelings of panic because he shot up from his bed and ran for the door. At first, he had intended to apparate straight into my room, but he dispersed of that idea quickly, knowing that in our current mid-switch state, he would definitely splinch himself. Instead he ran for the door. Now that I had finally managed to wake Snape I could concentrate on my own predicament and only pay loose attention to what he was doing. However, he met trouble immediately when he realized he was locked in. Damn Mordon and his stupid precautions! Snape tried whatever spell he could think of to open the door, but it refused to budge and stayed locked. Meanwhile, I blocked a particularly powerful spell from Mordon that lighted up the room in a bright red colour.

Finally, Snape gave up, stepped away from the door and pointed his wand at it.

"Bombarda!"

We both shouted the spell at the same time, but while Snape blew the door off its hinges, I missed my target and blasted a random piece of furniture instead.

For all it was worth, Mordon seemed confused as to why I couldn't keep on my feet, but he found his bearings too soon. My vision blurred completely as Mordon disarmed me. "Don't try to fight me woman, I know you want this as much as I do" he said while his fingers wrapped around my throat. Now I truly panicked but there was nothing I could do. The dizziness was too strong and Mordon slammed me into the wall.

For a moment I was two people at once. I was trying to hit Mordons nose while he strangled me but I was also running through the castle corridor towards my room. The two visions blurred together before the corridor finally became clearer and took over. All I could see from the other perspective was a vision of the vile man who whispered an indistinct threat in my ear. I staggered along as fast as my legs could carry me up the stairs to the floor above and kicked in the door of my room.

Mordon had moved the girl to the bed and pinned her arms down, but when I entered she headbutted him swiftly in the nose. He let go of her arms and covered his nose with his hands when it started bleeding, but he still pinned her down with his legs until I stupefied him and blasted him away.

He crashed into the opposite wall like a rag doll.

Snape rolled off the bed and landed in a sitting position on the floor. He held his hand to his face which now both had some nice shades of green and yellow on one side and was also developing a black eye on the other. His eyes were shut tight in pain and he was barely holding back a whimper. I collapsed on my knees in front of him and examined his face.

The only words I could utter were "Merlin! Oh Merlin. I'm so sorry! Merlin, are you okay?" My breath was uneven and ragged, and my voice was shaking. I found my wand and tried to touch his face to make him turn to me, but he flinched away and hissed. I knew he was in pain, but at first, I thought the reason why he flinched away was because of _me_. Because he blamed me for this situation, or because he thought me just another _man_ about to assault him. Later I would realise that thought was ridiculous, but the thought made me hesitate to touch him again.

I could heal all his injuries easily, but my hands were shaking badly. I was still in shock; my breath was uneven and ragged, and I kept uttering nonsense. Tears were welling up in the corners of my eyes.

"Take your time" said a voice and a hand wrapped around my wrist. Snape emitted a cold calmness that only people who had been through the war could put on. It occurred to me he was trying to soothe me. Of course, he was hardly good at it. His voice was not soothing at all, but at least he tried and for all intents and purposes, it worked. "Take a deep breath and remember, episkey is the spell for healing a bruise" he instructed, giving my wrist a little squeeze.

I took a deep breath and shakily focused on my task.

"Now, we need to get out of here" he said calmly when I finished his last bruise. "Mordon will wake up any second, and we should be out by then." Through our strange mental link, I could sense his chest was tight, but he held my gaze steadily and determinedly.

He was taking charge.

"I do not care if Mordon is out or not, we will not stay in this castle any longer than necessary."

I nodded and wiped away a treacherous tear that fell from my left eye "Yeah."

"Now get up and help me sit on the bed" he ordered.

"What?" I said in confusion "Can you not stand?"

"No" said Snape and looked at the floor suddenly. "He hit me with a numbing charm. I cannot move my legs."

I cursed under my breath. My heart continued to hammer wildly against my chest but now I had to fight off the nausea that threatened to overwhelm me as well. Numbing charms had no counter spell. We had to wait until the effect wore off by itself.

"Okay . . ." I said finally when I felt I had collected my bearings again. "Then I'll have to carry you."

"We need to fix this mess first" said Snape and tried to pull himself up on the bed without my help. He got nowhere until I pulled him up by his arms and placed him on the edge of the bed.

I looked around the room. The drawer had tipped and the mirror on the wall was broken. If someone discovered this mess, we were screwed. Especially since this was lord Mordons castle and he could serve them any lie he wanted.

"You're right" I said. Then I summoned Snapes wand and gave it to him before we both brought our wands in a wide arch. The drawer righted itself up and the mirror pieced itself together and hung itself on the wall.

We directed our attention to Mordon on the floor. He was bleeding from a wound in the back of his head, but he was still breathing.

I wanted nothing more than to kill him on the spot. The link between us told me that Snape was thinking the same thing. But when I pointed my wand at him, Snape stopped me. "Don't!" he said warningly.

"He's done this before, Severus. All those poor girls . . !" I said, and noticed my voice still shook.

"I know" he said "but killing the Lord of the house is virtually suicide. His soldiers will hunt us down and have us killed. And the timeline. . . well, we have no idea how it will be affected."

I stared down at Snape, who looked so small and fragile suddenly where he sat on the bed. "He doesn't deserve to live" I stated.

Snape gave a humourless laugh. "There are many people who do not deserve the gift of life, miss Tonks, but are you ready to sacrifice your soul for their sake?"

"I think my soul can handle killing a monster like him." Right after I said it I realized how childish that sounded. I knew exactly what happened to your soul when you killed someone, no matter how evil the victim was.

When I turned my gaze back to Snape I saw a look in him I had never seen before. Worry, tiredness and resignation.

"You know it will not" he stated.

I knew it would not.

It was strange how Snapes words made me feel both stupid and relieved at the same time. I was better than Mordon. I could not kill him. But at the same time, it reminded me of how great the age difference between us _was_. Snape had seen a lot more to life than I gave him credit for. And he was a teacher for a reason. Perhaps I should have granted him more respect while I was at school. Had he not been a total bastard that is.

Snape _did_ have a point. But Mordon did not deserve to continue his exploits of young, innocent girls anymore. I still wanted to do something about it. I turned when I noticed something on the floor next to my feet and I bent to pick it up.

It was Mordons wand.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" I asked Snape while I held up the wand. Snape gave me a wicked smile and for once we understood each other perfectly.

I broke it.

The sound gave me a rush of satisfactory glee.

Then I walked over to Mordons unconscious body to glare at it. "Obliviate him" instructed Snape "then bring him here and lay him on the bed."

I did as he asked me and obliviated every trace of us in Mordons memory before I levitated him to the bed. Then I stuck his broken wand underneath his unconscious backside, trying to make it look like he had crushed it with his large body.

While I worked on Mordon, Snape sat completely still with his wand half raised and a concentrated expression on his face. After a minute I realized why. A large string of objects flew through the now open door and piled itself in front of Snape. Four woollen blankets, a table cloth, a pair of cloaks, some towels, two water satchels and a near mountain of food, including an entire turkey.

But no extra dress and no brooms appeared.

"There are no brooms in the castle" informed Snape as if he had read my mind. Nor in the village nearby." There was an air of disappointment in his voice. The main reason why I hadn't done this already was because I didn't want to do too much magic in the castle. Imagine what would happen if the inhabitants of the castle suddenly saw a bunch of flying food? But right now, like Snape, I cared little of caution. All I wanted as to get out of here.

"So, that means we have to travel with horses" I concluded immediately.

But Snape didn't seem to like the idea. "I do not know how to ride." He said. obviously reluctant to admit there was something he didn't know.

"Knowing you, you'll learn that in less than a day."

Snape hesitated, clearly baffled by my compliment but still glaring. Probably for good measure. "Fine" he yielded "fine, we will take a horse. But only one" he added when I was about to open my mouth. "I cannot ride, nor learn how to ride like this" he gestured to his legs "and bringing another will only slow us down" he said determinedly. His face revealed an apologetic streak, clearly expecting me to be repulsed by the idea of riding the same horse as him.

Before I could protest he turned his gaze to the food on the floor, now neatly resting on top of the tablecloth which was flattened out like a blanket on the floor. "Tie the ends together and use the tablecloth like a sack. It will do its purpose until we can find something better. But we have no time to enlarge a pouch or a satchel to a preferable size. You'll have to make do. If you find you cannot levitate both me and the bag you can levitate-"

"That will not be necessary" I interrupted, smiling for the first time since Mordon entered my room. I accioed the small backpack I had brought for dinner and opened it. "I enlarged this backpack before you arrived through the wardrobe. I knew it would come in handy if we ever were to travel. Also, I needed a project. A goal to keep me sane . . ." I turned away from Snape suddenly, keeping my eyes on the pile of food.

"You have thought ahead" was all he said. There was a clear hint of approval in his voice, and I couldn't help the smug smile it brought on my face. Approval from Severus Snape was hard to achieve.

In fact, I was very proud of that backpack. I had early on decided it was a good idea to use a widening charm on it to make room for everything I needed on my journey, and I had managed to do it without the support of my spell book. There are things you learn from Moody you never understand the meaning of, until you use it yourself. I tied the corners of the tablecloth together with my wand and put a stasis charm on the food inside before I showed the entire bulk inside the tiny backpack.

"Do you have everything you need?" I asked Snape. He nodded and pulled a hand through his blonde curls. He expected me to levitate him and seemed to prepare for that, but instead I kneeled in front of him with my back turned to him. Nearly touching his knees. "Hop on."

"You can use a simple levitating charm, miss Tonks there is no need to resort to muggle methods -" he said clearly appalled by the idea of being carried on someones back.

"Do you want to be levitated?"

"I didn't think you meant it when you said you would carry me-"

"Severus, do you want to be levitated?" I felt my patience run out quicker than normal.

There was a long pause. "No" he said finally.

"Then hop on."

He reluctantly put his arms around my neck and I hefted him up on my back. Then I asked him to put a sticking charm on his legs to that I could be free to use my arms when I needed it. As we left the room Snape was insightful enough to put a dilusionment charm on us both.

I could always have levitated Snape, but believe it or not, carrying him on my back was a lot more dignified for both of us. If I was to use a levitation charm he'd have to hang like a rag doll from an invisible thread or lay down on a stretcher. Having to keep his head from hitting walls on top of trying to find our way outside unseen would be very inconvenient. Also, incredibly awkward. Not that carrying him on my back was any less awkward, but at least I could avoid looking at his face, which made it easier to pretend I didn't notice his discomfort.

He truly hated to be dependent on me and he also hated to put the control in my hands. I could easily understand why. His desperate need to keep his honour and dignity always drove him to want to fix his own problems. Never to be dependent of others. Never to trust others. But now he had to put part of his control in my hands and it made him feel inadequate and weak.

And he considered weakness to be one of mans worst crimes (don't ask me how I knew that).

In my own opinion there were several other things about human beings worse than physical weakness. But I supposed Snape had a different take on things than I.

As a true Hufflepuff I loathed cruelty and disloyalty, but a Slytherin like Snape probably shunned anything that could compromise their ambitions. Also, someone like Snape, who had gone through so many years of bullying throughout school and then later joined the deatheaters had probably learned to never show weakness outwardly. I had never been bullied myself, nor had I ever done it to someone else (at least I truly hoped I never had), but I was pretty sure I knew how it worked. The stronger kids preyed on the outsiders, the lonely individuals who didn't fit in, the weaker ones. A show of weakness was therefore considered an invitation to be bullied, or perhaps it was the sole reason why the bullying happened in the first place.

Perhaps this was more prominent among boys than it was girls. After all, our society today raised boys to believe physical strength to be synonymous with success. Strong men fought for their country, protected the women and became the heroes. Movies would seldom or never have a weak man win the girl in the end and they would never be considered the heroes. It all came down to that biological need to compete with other males to win the female. That feral need to earn the spot as the alfa male in order to pass his genes on to the next generation.

In our society it was always the men who were expected to save and protect the women. And even though _I_ was currently the man, Snape did not feel that way. Had our places been reversed he would never have hesitated to act the role as a saviour, but now he felt more like a burden.

I suppose, being brought up a girl gave me different values. Women were not supposed to compete with physical strength. Instead, girls competed in other ways, some of them hardly any better than the men.

Still, this line of though briefly made me wonder how different I would have been if I was a boy. Would my parents have treated me differently? Talked to me differently? Raised me differently? Would I have had the same friends in school or would I have had completely different friends? Would I even be a Hufflepuff? Or did my values that led me to be sorted into Hufflepuff too have something to do with my gender? . . . I wasn't sure.

I snuck carefully down a flight of stairs that led to the servant entrance and came out right behind the stables just like I had hoped. Outside it was raining heavily but I could see no one except a pair of guards on either side if the castle entrance. That was fortunate for us.

Two guards were easier to take down if we ever were to be discovered. Had there been more we'd be in trouble.

Inside the large but low roofed stable, I put Snape down on a bench and picked out a fine brown mare to saddle. I could not thank my father enough for letting me go to riding lessons when I was younger. I had been pretty good at it and even came back to the riding lessons in summer after I had started Hogwarts. My interest had faded away of course, and I quit after I found out I wanted to become an auror and put my focus on that instead. But to my credit, I still found my way around the unfamiliar saddle and reins without trouble. All thanks to my dad.

Snape said nothing, but he studied me intently while I worked. He looked like he wanted to ask me something but didn't want to make a sound in case someone outside the stables heard us. We could speak normally in our rooms because we had been invited to stay there, but here in the stables we were obviously stealing a horse. Getting caught now was not an option, especially since the sentence for stealing a horse in this time period was . . . well, death.

I led the horse out of her stall and stopped her in front of Snape who now looked slightly nauseous. "What is it?" I whispered, worried he might be in pain. Snape only clamped his teeth together before he gestured towards a bunch of horse equipment that lay in a far corner. I understood him perfectly. It was a good idea to have the right type of equipment to take care of a horse when we first had one. I grabbed it all and shoved it, too, in the backpack that Snape now carried.

Snape had already fished out the pair of cloaks he had accioed from somewhere in the castle and handed one of them to me. I put it on before I kneeled in front of him again, so he could climb onto my back. Despite the lack of verbal communication there was a strange understanding between us that I couldn't explain. None of us needed to talk to get our message across and right now it suited both of us perfectly. I knew what I needed to do, and I trusted Snape would remind me if there was something I had forgotten.

Only when I was completely sure we had everything we needed did I lead the horse outside of the stable. "Okay, hold tight" I said well outside before I mounted the horse with Snape still on my back. I could always have levitated him up, but I thought he would prefer to sit behind me rather than in front of me. Also, I wasn't comfortable enough on a horse to ride without my feet in the stirrups which was why Snape would have to sit behind me.

Then I charmed his legs to stick to the saddle and not to me, loosened his iron grip around my neck and placed his arms around my waist instead. Snape had been awkward throughout the whole ordeal, but he did not complain, and he did not insult me. He did however pull out his wand and dilusion us again.

I hadn't thought of the horse but when Snape dilusioned that too I exclaimed in whispering awe; "brilliant mate!" He didn't answer. Instead he put his arms around my waist again so I decided to ride on. We passed the guards at the gates and they looked around in confusion at the sound of hooves. None of us had though of silencing the horse but the heavy rain cloaked the sound somewhat and we passed them easily.

I decided _not_ to ride back to Watercrest in case they sent soldiers there to look for us. I knew that even though Lord Mordon himself didn't remember us, the soldiers were completely aware of our existence and so, when they discovered that all their food and a horse had been stolen, they would immediately put the blame on us. Instead I headed north to a town an hours ride away. This town was also within Lord Mordons district but I thought it would be better if we blended within a larger group of people. We could also have hidden in the woods but it would be easier to hide the horse among other horses. At least that was what I thought in my still shocked and tired state. I found a stable close to the little town-inn and settled the horse there. I dropped Snape on another bench (I loved that they had benches in the stables) and proceeded to strip the horse of her saddle.

Snape was obviously in pain. The numbing charm left people with the same sort of prickling as one gets when their legs fall asleep . . . only ten times worse. He squeezed his eyes shut and unconsciously rubbed his knees before he tried to stand on his own. His legs would not carry his weight just yet and he dumped back on the bench. The sight made me feel guilty. If I had only taken my gut feeling seriously we might have been able to avoid this incident.

"I am sorry about this" I said as I sat down on the bench next to him "I knew there was something wrong about that guy. I even warded my door." As I said this I felt the bile rise in my throat again at the thought of that monster.

Snape took a deep breath. Although he still scowled his tone was uncharacteristically gentle "How could you have known he was a wizard? And how could you have foreseen that it would start raining at that time? Besides, if it had not started raining then you would have been the victim, not I."

"If it hadn't started raining at that time I would have taken him down easily. He was not a good dueller."

"Well then I apologise-"

"No don't start, it was not your fault. You cannot control the weather."

"No, but If I had not closed the door we would not have been in this mess."

I studied his face carefully. Realizing I had never heard him apologize so sincerely about something before. "I have already told you I don't blame you for that. You did the right thing. Besides, we would have come to this castle anyways for supplies. Whether it was in some other disguise or as thieves. We got some useful things. We have a horse and food, and you've got a dress . . ."

"Yes, however that dress is useless. It is too heavy. And too easy to spot should someone come looking for us. Did you not see how extravagant it was?"

"Well" I said, considering the gold trimmings on the sleeves and the hem. "You should have seen the other dresses they had. Compared to those, the one I chose was a rag. But I see what you mean. I should go and steal something from one of the villagers tomorrow."

"We should not be here. This is one of the first places the soldiers will look for us" said Snape darkly.

"I know, but I couldn't think of anywhere else to let the horse stay. Besides they need some time to realise we are gone, and I am too tired to think straight."

He looked like he wanted to argue with me, but he exhaled and nodded. "Fine, let us break in somewhere and get some sleep. But at least change the horses colour in case the soldiers find it here."

"Oh yes, good idea. You are brilliant, did I tell you that?"

Snape only rubbed his legs again.

We broke in through a window of an empty room of the inn on the second floor. I levitated a ladder to the window and climbed in before I removed it again. No need to lead soldiers directly to our window. All I could do was settle Snape on the bed and make him comfortable but the prickling would have to pass on its own. Therefore, I went with the more pressing matters of warding the room door and the window with every protective charm I could think of. Just in case. After all, Moody was still barking 'constant vigilance!' in my head.

I was too tired to keep guard and Snape was not in shape to do so. Therefore I pulled out some blankets from the backpack and lay them out on the floor. I would have to sleep there tonight. I had nothing against sharing a bed with Snape, but I knew he would be uncomfortable with that. He protested when he realised _I_ would be the one to sleep on the floor. I told him to stop being ridiculous and that he could sleep on the floor next time if he absolutely wanted to. He huffed in annoyance, but he was apparently more tired than he had let on, because when he lay his head down, he fell asleep immediately.

I could not fall asleep so easily.

I sat cross legged on the floor and studied Snapes sleeping form for a long time.

I wanted to ask him if he was okay. I certainly wasn't sure if I was myself. What Mordon had been about to do was . . . uncomprehendable. The entire situation was uncomprehendable. But no matter how I thought about it I couldn't shake the thought that . . . if Mordon had gone through with his attack I wouldn't have been the victim. Severus would. I didn't know how much this affected him. I didn't even know if he dared to think about it. Maybe I should never mention it again and spare his feelings?

Or maybe I needed to talk about it myself? _I_ had been the target after all . . . and I had been the one to panic. It was my body, no matter who was in it. It was my body and to think that someone found it okay to exploit it like that . . . I couldn't think of it . . .

Bile rose in my throat again but this time I forced it down and shook the feeling away. No, I needed to be brave. I needed to handle this the way Snape had.

He had handled the situation 100 times better than me. But then again. Perhaps he had been in crisis before? I didn't know.

But I couldn't think more of it. When I lay my head down on the pillow I had conjured on the hard, wooden floor, I finally fell into a fitful sleep full of dark shadows and fear.


	14. Snape wears a dress better than I do

**Chapter 14:**

I slept very badly that night. My dreams were haunted by disgusting men who were trying to feel me up while I tried to crop a field of grass with a scythe that kept falling out of my hands. My neck was stiff when I woke the next morning and my back ached from laying on the wooden floor. My cushioning charm had run out during the night, and I hadn't bothered to renew it.

I sat up, stretched and tried to knead the ache away from my back.

Until I noticed I was alone.

There was no Snape in the bed next to me, and he was nowhere to be found I our tiny room. He had left me there alone! How could he do that to me!? Not after the months I had spent alone. Not again.

I quickly rose from my position on the floor and darted to the window on the opposite side of the bed. My heart sped up wildly in my chest at the thought that Snape had left me.

What if he had decided to go on the trip without me? What if he had decided he didn't want to be a part of the journey and went somewhere else? Or what if he hadn't left by his own accord? If someone had hurt him . . . I was about to hurl myself out of the window to look for him when I noticed a figure on the ground beneath me.

A woman, lurking in the shadows from the morning sun, clearly trying to avoid being observed.

That must be Snape, I was sure of it.

I let out a relieved breath when the woman beneath me waved her wand, pulled forward the ladder we had used to climb up during the night and placed it against my window.

Snape noticed me while he climbed and upped his pace until he reached the top.

"Where did you go!?" I asked when he was halfway through the window.

"You must see that. I got you a better dress than the one you got from the castle" he answered infuriatingly unaffected.

"You could have told me you were going out!"

"You were asleep. I thought I'd not wake you. There is no need to-"

"Then you could at least have left me a note!" I exclaimed, more upset than I needed to be. Snape gave me a look between exasperation and confusion. Clearly puzzled by my reaction.

"Merlin, I thought you'd left me" I said more to myself than to him. But I had said it aloud, and he heard me.

"There is no need to jump to conclusions, miss Tonks. Since I have nowhere else to go, there is hardly any reason for me to leave. If you used your head once in a while to think, you would have realised that."

I smiled humourlessly and looked away so I didn't need to see his stupid face (my face I suppose . . . ).

He had a point of course, but he _had_ to be rude about it. I wondered again if this was the only form of communication he knew.

I decided I didn't have the energy to continue the discussion further, so I focused on something else. "How long have you been awake exactly?"

"Nearly two hours. There are no soldiers around yet, but it is still early" he said and jumped down from the windowsill. His hair was now half long and curly, with a deep brown colour. I could swear I had seen that colour before; on Hermione Granger. But I wasn't sure wether Snape was aware of that. He also wore a kirtle I had never seen before which barely made a sound when he moved.

I was surprised how calm he looked. He almost looked bored, completely unfazed by yesterdays happenings. But I wondered how he really felt.

"Oh" I said very intelligently. Without anything more to say, I only stood there in the middle of the floor, feeling stupid. I suddenly realized how tired I was still. I wanted to go back to sleep. Snape too, only stood there for a second, unsure of what to say before he turned to my little backpack on the floor and pulled out an apple with a wave of his wand.

"Here" he said and handed the apple to me. "Eat that. A little breakfast will do you good."

" . . . thanks" I said and could only notice how he sounded strangely like Molly Weasley. I stood there for another second before I decided to do as I was told. I sat down on the floor with my back to the bed and took a bite of my breakfast without another word. Snape remained in his spot awkwardly before he crossed his arms in annoyance. Then he gingerly moved to the bed and sat down next to me. Although he didn't stoop so low as to sit on the floor.

I wondered briefly if he was annoyed because he had expected me to acknowledge his new dress with more appreciation or if he simply felt like being annoyed. But I couldn't make myself appreciate anything after he had given me such a fright.

He could at least have left me a note to tell me where was!

But I supposed being angry at him didn't gain me anything. He obviously didn't understand he had done something wrong, and we were supposed to travel together alone for over two weeks. Perhaps I should try harder to forgive him for his lack of tact?

"Does it fit?" I asked, more for the sake of conversing than actually needing to know.

"As you can see" he answered very helpfully.

"Show me!" I said and gestured to the floor in front of me, not able to keep the exasperation out of my voice.

He hesitated for a second before he rose and stood in the spot I had pointed at. I rose to have a look at it from a better angle. The new dress was a brownish green kirtle with a tightly fit bodice and short arms. The skirt was a bit too short and the bodice a little too large, but it wasn't bad considering he'd stolen it at random in the early morning hours. "I'm impressed" I said at last "It fits rather nicely."

"I was lucky" he said awkwardly. I noticed he was unconsciously pulling his shoulders up towards his ears while I studied him. He was obviously not comfortable with my inspection. Perhaps he was afraid I'd bring up last nights event? Or perhaps it was only the idea of wearing a dress? I didn't know. Either way, I wanted to reassure him somehow, but I figured it might have the opposite effect of what I intended.

Instead I continued to eat my apple in silence.

He pressed to leave immediately after I finished my breakfast. There was of course the danger of Mordons soldiers to think about so I conjured a mirror and proceeded to change my appearance with transfiguration. It was a hell lot more of a challenge to change my appearance when I needed to use transfiguration instead of my metamorphmagi abilities. But I did it without needing Snapes help (thank Merlin). When I was done I had sandy blonde hair, blue eyes, a smaller nose and a goatee just for fun.

Snape snorted "You look ridiculous."

"Perfect, now let's go."

We snuck out of the window when we thought the coast was clear and found our stolen horse just like we had left her in the stable. She had gone back to her usual shade of brown during the night, but no one seemed to have noticed her. I quickly renewed the charm on her fur before I started to saddle her. Snape sat down on the bench and waited while I tended to her. He seemed reluctant to come any closer than necessary. He even backed away several feet when I led her past him on my way out of the stable. He may have told me he wanted to make a clear path for the horse, but he moved away too quickly to fool me.

I discovered the first pair of soldiers when I led the horse out on the street. They glanced at me briefly from atop their own horses but continued in the opposite direction without much interest. Snape, who had noticed the soldiers before me, didn't come out of the stable before they were gone.

"They seem to be unaware anything has happened" I said when he came up to me.

"It will not last for much longer" he answered.

"No, I suppose not" I said. I mounted the horse and pulled my foot out of the stirrup so Snape could use it to mount behind me. He didn't move. Instead he looked at me uncertainly. "I could walk . . ."

"Don't be stupid, then we'll never get out of this town. Come on, take my hand and put your foot in the stirrup. I'll pull you up."

He did not look convinced but he stepped closer anyways. When he reached out his hand to take mine however, the horse stepped backwards and sideways as if to avoid him. I knew she was only being difficult but Snape pulled his hand away as if he had been burned. "It dislikes me! This is a terrible idea!"

"No, she doesn't dislike you, she's just being difficult" I assured him. "Aren't you?" I asked the horse and patted her neck. She didn't respond but I was convinced she looked pleased with herself.

"Now try again. I will help pull you up."

"No, I will walk" said Snape stubbornly.

"Severus, it's a horse, not a manticore. There is nothing to be afraid of."

There was a sudden change in mood when Snape got angry again "Now listen here you stupid girl. I am not afraid of a bloody horse!" he said and gritted his teeth.

'Back to 'stupid girl' are we?' i thought bitterly. But I decided to ignore his comment, mostly because it was a bad idea to start a shouting match in the middle of the street when all we wanted was to leave unnoticed.

"Then get on. Trust me, I know what I am doing. We need to get out of here very soon" I urged.

"How do you even know how to ride a horse?"

"My dad used to take me to riding lessons before I started Hogwarts."

He still looked dubious, but this time he took my hand properly and let me pull him up. The horse tried to be difficult again and took another step backwards (she was one sadistic horse) but this time I managed to pull Snape up and place him behind me. He put his arms around my waist awkwardly and breathed out. Probably in relief. I wondered whether he was afraid of heights? But I had seen him ride brooms before, so that was probably not it. Maybe he was afraid to put his trust in a lerge animal that he couldn't control?

At least he was up and I cast a feather light charm on us both, so the horse wouldn't tire too quickly. Then I moved her in what I thought was the right direction. We passed two more soldiers when we exited the village who didn't even seem remotely interested in us. I hoped it was a good sign and not a bad one, but I kept my eyes open for more while we headed out on the road.

According to the legends; The Well was on an island in the sea north of the castle of Bruberg. According to the villagers of Watercrest, the Castle of Bruberg was north of where we were. I used my wand to point us northward and we headed along a road that tilted slightly towards the sea. That was promising. During my stay in Watercrest I had tried to draw a map of the area based on what I had heard from the villagers tales about the journey to The Well. I remembered it clearly in my head.

I had been looking at it a lot lately.

According to the villagers; the journey would be dangerous. Not that any of them had taken the journey themselves. Their knowlege was heavily based on legend, but still, it was better than nothing. While we rode on, I told Snape what we would expect.

"There is another village about five miles from here. That is also under the district of Lord Mordon so we have to be careful on this road and through the village. Beyond that there is a forest that none of the muggles enter. They call it 'The Enchanted forest' because people who go in there tend to never come out. The descriptions make it sound like Mirkwood in Lord of the Rings–"

"Mirkwood?" said Snape thoughtfully. "The one with the talking trees?"

"No, the one with the giant spiders" I said helpfully. Then it occurred to me, Snape actually knew what I was talking about. "Wait, have you read Tolkien?"

"Of course I have, otherwise I wouldn't have known what you were talking about" he drawled from behind me.

"Yes but, I didn't expect you to know about a muggle writer."

"You expected me to know mere seconds ago" he pointed out.

"Well . . . it didn't occur to me" I said embarrassed. "I mean, these are muggle books. So I didn't know you had read muggle literature. Let alone muggle literature for children."

"I was a child once too you know" he said, still in the same drawl. He sounded like he found my entire existence annoying.

I sighed in exasperation "You know what I mean."

"You thought I came from a full-blooded family" he stated, partly amused.

"Aren't you?" I asked in confusion. I had always expected him to be from a rich and privileged pure-blood household, like all the other deatheaters.

"Partly. My mother was a full blood" he said "But my father was a muggle." His tone was neutral and emotionless.

This information spiked my curiosity. "I didn't know that!" I said in surprise.

"There is a lot you don't know about me."

"Of course there is, that's why I want to know you better."

Snape went quiet for a few minutes before he answered; "We'll see about that."

I wasn't sure what to say anymore. Not daring to ask more questions about his past, I directed the conversation back to our journey. "So anyways, the muggle tales about this 'Enchanted forest' makes it sound like Mirkwood."

"Even the gigantic spiders?" he said dubiously.

"Oh, no, that's just the book" I said with a little smile. "There are no tales of gigantic spiders from this forest."

"It sounds like you are suggesting we ride through it" said Snape with fake cheerfulness.

"Um . . . yes" I said. I felt sheepish. "The woods go for a few miles in each direction. Riding around it would take another week or so whatever direction we go, but if we go straight through it we save some time. At least that's what I heard. My theory is that the muggles avoid it, not because it is terribly dangerous, but because it is crawling with magical creatures. It's probably just boggarts and I dunno, Ghouls and whatever."

"What a relief" said Snape, his voice dripping with sarcasm. I had to laugh at his tone.

We agreed to risk the forest in the end.

After a mile in the same direction we discovered where the rest of the soldiers had gone. When we turned around a bend in the road, we spotted about five of them some yards in front of us.

"Shit, what do we do now?" I asked and felt tempted to turn the horse around.

"Don't turn, ride straight on. One of them has spotted us already" said Snape as if he could read my mind. And indeed he was right. The blonde soldier in the back said something to the others and pointed at us.

"We could always dilusion ourselves, or take them down. They haven't pulled out any weapons yet" I said frantically searching for a way out.

"Don't worry, I've got it." Snape said. His voice determined.

"Okay" I said dubiously. I had no idea what he was up to, but I could only trust him. The soldiers rode up to us and asked us a lot of questions about who we were and where we were going. I made up some rubbish with a smile. Told them that Snape was my sister and that we were off to Manchester (I had no idea whether Machester existed yet) to marry him off. Meanwhile, Snape swiftly confounded every soldier in turn. When the last soldier lost the focus in his eyes I told them they were letting us pass. They did as I instructed without another word and rode off the road, straight into some bushes.

"Neat" I told Snape who put away his wand.

"Just ride" he said impatiently.

After finishing with my explanation of our travel ahead, we fell into an awkward silence. It didn't take long until I was bored. We had been riding for ages without talking. All I could do was watch the trees as they passed. I was also beginning to feel incredibly sore from sitting on the horseback. After another million years of riding in silence (it was probably no more than half an hour) I suggested a break by a small creak. I explained to Snape how to get off the horse before he had the chance to ask. But when it was my turn I realised I had exceeded my own endurance.

Holding onto the horseback with your legs is hard work and when your body has never done it before (like Snapes body), well . . . My legs felt like jelly when I put my weight on them. I winced and let out a string of curses.

"Perhaps we should walk for a while?" asked Snape with a crooked smile. He seemed fine, but then again, he hadn't done the riding. We had a break for half an hour where we ate some bread and cheese for lunch. Again we talked very little before we started to walk in silence. The air was growing hot and humid even though it was clouded above us. I estimated it was about noon but it was hard to tell. "Seriously this silence is getting on my nerves, can we talk about something?" I said while we walked.

"Like what?"

"Anything. I'm bored."

Snape went quiet for so long I thought he had decided to ignore me. "I have been thinking . . ." he said at last "about the mental link we share when it rains. I assume you can pick up on some of my emotions?"

"Yes" I said hesitatingly, not sure how much I wanted to mention about his emotions. Especially not those I had picked up from him for the past few weeks.

"I have picked up on some of yours as well. Yesterday you told me clearly to stay where I was through the link, a clear sign it extends to thoughts as well as emotions" he continued "and I thought perhaps it could extend to memories as well."

"That is an interesting thought, but . . . do you _want_ to share your memories with me?"

He looked at me as if I was stupid "No."

"Oh, okay then."

"But it could be practical to understand the link better. To understand how to use it."

I had to agree with him. If we could figure out how to communicate through the link if we ever got separated, then it could save our lives. I nodded thoughtfully. "So you want to try it out the next time it rains?"

"Perhaps" he fell silent again.

"Sure, I'm not opposed to that" I said with a smile. He nodded back.

An hour later we trudged out into an open landscape of grasslands and acres. Between two small hills in front of us was the village that also belonged to Lord Mordon. I wanted to suggest we go in and steal some more food, but Snape pointed out fifteen red clad soldiers in the outskirts of the village. To get in, we would have to pass them. We decided it was best to stay away and rode on towards the forest. We travelled until late in the afternoon continually switching between riding and walking. We had a break nearly every hour but I felt it was necessary to take it slowly in the beginning. I didn't want to exhaust myself and become snappish. If both of us became as snappish as Snape usually was, this trip would be unbearable.

Because I was so easily bored I wanted badly to talk about something. But I didn't know what to talk about. After all I needed to avoid any subject that became too deep or personal or Snape would shut himself off. In the end I burst "Why don't you tell me about the uses of fluxweed or something?"

He raised an overbearing eyebrow at me and drawled; "You want to know the uses of fluxweed?"

"Yes, anything" I said with a smile, ignoring that my face was slowly growing hot. "Quiz me on potions or something. I don't know if I remember much about it."

"Why do you want to be quizzed on potions at this time?"

"Because I'm bored. I told you."

"Are you going to be like this the entire journey?"

"Yes" I said without hesitation.

He gave a long and exasperated sigh and might have rolled his eyes, I couldn't see because he had his face away from me. However, when he turned back he said; "Fine, I'll quiz you on potions."

"Perfect. Give me some exam questions or something."

He sighed in exasperation again. "Are you sure about that?"

"Yeah, if you don't want to I could always tell you about my auror training."

Strangely enough, he looked interested all of a sudden "Really?"

"Sure, if you want."

"Fine, I'll quiz you in potions if you tell me of your auror training."

"Deal" then I hesitated "could you start with a lower level than NEWTS? I might be terrible."

"As I recall you got an Outstanding on your potions NEWTS."

"Yes, I did, didn't I." I was very proud of that actually. "But I have only worked with certain potions since I quit school so I am afraid I might have forgotten the rest."

"OWLS level then?" he asked with a crooked smile.

The quiz went surprisingly well. Probably because I wasn't as terrible as I had expected. I gave Snape no reason to be impatient with me. After a while I started to tell him about the steps of my auror training. He listened surprisingly interested and even asked questions in all the right places.

But I realized soon it was about to become dark and concluded it was best to set camp. Snape looked confused, as if the idea of setting camp hadn't occurred to him. It was strange. Snape seemed like the kind of guy who liked to have everything planned out. He needed to be in control of everything. But this obviously took him by surprise.

"A tent?" he asked trying to keep the incredulousness out of his voice.

"Yes, we have a tent. Did I not tell you we have a tent?"

"No! I did not have the pleasure of being informed about that" he drawled again.

"It's not like you had another plan is it?"

"No" he admitted reluctantly. "I am not exactly prone to go on regular hiking trips with other people."

I frowned curiously. "What would you have done if we didn't have a tent?"

"Slept on the ground."

"That is well and good as long as it's not raining."

"There are spells to keep yourself dry without a tent."

"Yes, but most of those fade after a few hours" I said. To my surprise, Snape didn't seem to consider that a problem. I wondered suddenly if he had planned to sleep at all. How many hours had he slept tonight?

"A tent is better" I concluded.

"Yes" Snape agreed reluctantly.

"It's a good thing I brought one then" I said with a grin. "I performed the same widening charms on it as I did on the bag. Its not large, but there should be room for both of us" I informed, hoping Snape would accept the idea of sharing a tent with me. I truly hoped he wouldn't decide to sleep on the ground after all simply to avoid me.

We led the horse off the road and into the woods. My legs were so sore I could barely walk without wincing. I would probably be sore for days after this. Snape plumped down on a fallen log, waved his wand once and a cascade of firewood collected itself in a pile and put itself on fire. I put the horse somewhere safe, de-saddled her, cast some protective charms around her so she could rest safely and pulled out some of the hay I had shoved in the bag along with the rest of the horse equipment.

Because of her act this morning, I had decided on a very suitable name for her: Difficult.

I didn't know what her original name was, but I decided my new name for her was too good to ignore. Difficult munched happily on her food but I knew this was only enough for one night. We would have to find some other way to feed her later. When I finally finished with her, I turned and found that Snape had put up the tent with his wand, cast about as many protective spells around it as there was on the Hogwarts castle and pulled out some of the turkey from my magically enlarged bag. He offered some to me and I happily accepted.

Neighter of us said anything while I munched on my supper. But I felt like the silence wasn't cold, hostile or awkward anymore. Instead it was like something in the air had shifted. I was happy to sit in a silence that was now nearly comfortable and even (dare I suggest it?) companionable.

We both retired without much more discussion.

The tent was about as large as a tool shed. About eight square metres and high enough for me (by that I mean Snape) to stand straight without scraping my head against the canvas. Inside the tent I summoned some blankets and some pillows out of my bag and lay them out on the floor. Snape made sure they were as far away from eachother as possible.

By now Snape had become awkward. He was clearly not comfortable with sleeping in the same tent as me, but I was too tired to care. Where else would he sleep? So I accioed a pair of sticks, transfigured them into two toothbrushes and gave one of them to Snape. He excited the tent to brush his teeth and while I pulled off my tunic and my shoes. I could hear him put out the fire. But it took him another few minutes to re-enter the tent. By then I had laid myself down underneath one of the blankets on the side that I liked best. Laying on the ground with only a blanket as cushioning was more comfortable than I had expected, especially after last night on the wooden floor.

Snape came back in and sat down but he didn't do more to prepare for bed. Instead he watched me in the darkness in an incredibly creepy way.

"What is it?" I asked tiredly.

"It is obvious that we will share this tent for a while. So you are comfortable enough to share a tent with a deatheater?"

I tried to focus on his dark form "I know enough about you by now to trust you. We have shared enough emotions to give me a good impression of you. You are a good guy. You can't hide that from me anymore. Besides, _I_ am the one with the dark mark right now, how do _you_ feel about sharing a tent with a former deatheater?"

He didn't answer but I could see that he started to pull off his shoes and his kirtle and settled to bed. Apparently he had accepted my answer.

None of us said anything for a while until I said; "Severus, are you okay? About yesterday night?"

"I'm fine" he said dismissively then after a pause he said; "Are you?"

I thought about it for a while "I guess so."

He nodded and fell quiet.

"Well, if you want to talk about it . . ."

He snorted rudely "Do _you_ want to talk about it?"

I fell silent, not trusting myself to talk.

"You _do_ want to talk about it" he said with a worried tinge in his voice.

"I-" I couldn't continue.

"I am not one to . . . to talk about feelings . . ." he said awkwardly. "It would be more beneficial to you to talk to someone else." he said with finality. Probably hoping he could avoid it.

"You are all I have, Severus."

"Right now, yes! But we will eventually get back to our own time and . . ."

I was pretty sure he had heard my disappointed sigh.

He went completely silent for a while, obviously having an internal battle I wasn't part of. Then, instead of saying more, he stretched out his arm and brushed a few hairs out of my face.

It was a tiny gesture. Almost unnoticeable. Had he been anyone else, I might have been insulted at how small it was. But after sharing emotions with him for a few weeks, I knew how much it took for him to initiate touch like that.

I hadn't expected it to help so much. He was trying in the way he knew, to give me comfort. And in that moment, I knew I couldn't talk about it.

Knowing he was there would have to be enough.

So I closed my eyes and fell asleep.


	15. Did I say companionable? I take it back

**Chapter 15:**

It was the streak of sunlight that woke me, but when my mind had groggily pulled itself awake, I wondered how on earth I had been able to sleep through the incessant bird chitter. However, the air was nice and cool, and the sun made the tent canvas warm to touch.

Apparently, it had started to rain during the night.

I lay on the wrong side of the tent; back in my own body.

Last time we had switched I had barely had time, or the presence of mind, to appreciate my own skin. But now I had time to relish in it. To fully take in that giddy feeling I always had when I got it back. My body was something I had never feared to lose before. But now it felt like I had already lost it. Like someone had taken it away from me and were dangling it in front of my face, just out of reach, while laughing at me in sadistic mirth.

I didn't blame Snape of course. I knew how little he appreciated this. But it still felt like someone was responsible. I was inclined to blame Mundungus Fletcher. I knew, deep down that Mundungus had nothing to do with it. Not the Door, not that Snape and I drank the potion, not my imprisonment in the medieval times. But _he_ was the one who had hid the blasted potion at Grimmauld Place in bottles marked with butterbeer. It was so easy to blame him for everything else. Despite how much I tried not to direct my anger at him, during these past months in Watercrest, I had grown to despise Mundungus Fletcher.

It was stupid, and I knew it wasn't healthy. But I suppose I had spent too much time in Snapes presence. Some of his bitterness must have rubbed off on me. Or was I making up excuses?

If it turned out our hunt for the Well was fruitless, I couldn't let myself feel the strange sort of possessiveness that suddenly came over me. I took a deep breath and forced myself to calm down. After spending so much time as a man during my time in Watercrest (two months for merlins sake!) I had eventually (and dejectedly) come to terms with the idea that I could get stuck like that forever. I didn't accept it, it wasn't a happy thought, but I knew I could survive with an okay life.

But now that Snape was back, now that Snape had found me, I could let myself hope again. His presence made me latch to the idea that we could find the Well and solve our problem after all. I had basically forced us both on the journey we were currently on. I regretted to admit I had never let Snape have a say in the matter. Not after he closed the door by himself. I only hoped our efforts would not be wasted . . .

I wrapped my arms around my chest as if to keep it from running away and looked over at Snape.

Severus, I suppose . . . (I had been calling him Severus out loud for two days without his protest, so why should I not call him Severus in my mind as well?)

Anyways . . . Severus . . . was still asleep, which was strange. After all, Sn- Severus! didn't seem to sleep much, and during my stay in Watercrest, I (Snapes body) had become used to wake up at the break of dawn. But now the sun already shone brightly through the tent opening. My wristwatch told me it was three in the afternoon, but I knew that was wrong.

Now, the sun was already high up in the sky through the narrow tent opening hitting the side of my face, but it didn't seem to bother Snape.

I took the liberty to study him for a minute.

This was the first time I had seen his sleeping form (in his own body that is). He snored (rather loudly I thought), but it was not enough to be annoying. He lay on his side and held onto his transfigured pillow with one hand. The other was loosely placed over his wand (actually, it was _my_ wand since we hadn't exchanged them yet overnight.) He had kicked his blanket halfway off, so his bare chest and arms were uncovered. I could clearly make out a scar at the back of his neck that I hadn't noticed before (I hadn't been able to see it in a mirror after all). It was insignificant, but it woke my attention all the same.

It was shaped like a ragged crescent and went from behind his earlobe and up behind his hairline. No wonder I had never seen it before. Another one of Lord Voldemorts punishments perhaps?

I continued to study his scar for another minute before I realized how awkward it would be if he woke up and caught me. I decided to let him sleep and rose to get dressed.

I tiptoed outside wearing only my white chemise and brought the green kirtle and my shoes to dress outside. I ignored how the moist from the ground seeped through my socks. Snape hadn't stolen any medieval shoes for me, so I still had to wear my own modern, leather boots. I didn't mind though. I loved those boots and they fit surprisingly well with the dress.

Sn- . . . Severus only came out an hour later when I had finished dressing, tended to Difficult and started to cook breakfast. He was fully dressed and shaven. The transfiguration I put on his face had faded during the night and he looked completely like himself.

Well, almost like himself.

Except for the changes that had happened during my stay in Watercrest. I had never taken the time to study those changes before. It was hard to see them when they had happened to _me_. And I hadn't noticed them while I had led him to The Wardrobe Door and later when we had gone to Mordons castle.

Now however, it struck me fully how different he looked.

His hair was longer, his complexion brighter (a lot brighter actually), his skin was tanner (well, at least no longer sickly pale) and he had even developed some muscles in his arms (barely but still visible).

He looked good. All thanks to me.

He had also shaved off the short beard I had grown during my stay in Watercrest, and I realized he looked a lot better without it.

Noticing my gaze, Severus met my eyes. "What?" he asked.

I felt my blasted face turn hot. "I was just noticing how much better you look without a beard" I said honestly.

Severus frowned. Whether that was because he was confused or insulted I wasn't sure. "Why did you grow it in the first place?" he asked curiously.

I cleared my throat theatrically and made an innocent voice "I'm making breakfast. How did you sleep?"

"Miss Tonks" he warned.

"Fine, if you must know, I can't use a razor without cutting myself. Are you happy?" I said with a grin.

He snorted "Perhaps if you had used your brains to actually focus on what you were doing instead of all your other whimsical shit, you would have been less of a klutz. But I suppose there wasn't much in there to begin with?" he stopped when he met my eyes and his sneer disappeared.

I closed my eyes, refusing to let myself feel hurt. "Thank you, Severus, for putting things back into place." I felt like using his own sarcastic tone against him. "I was beginning to fear you had become civil, even pleasant these last two days, but thank Merlin I was mistaken. Otherwise I would have started to believe you were a decent human being."

His eyes narrowed and one of his fists clenched as if he was tempted to hit me. "Anything else you wanted to say?" he said forcefully and gritted his teeth.

He had meant it to be demeaning. He had meant it to be mean. I knew I wasn't the most gracious person in the world, but the way he said it made it sound like the reason why I was so clumsy was because I was an idiot. After all we had been through together I thought he knew that wasn't true. But I must have been mistaken.

I wanted to glare at him, but I couldn't bring up the anger. I was too hurt. Sever- Snape! must have seen the hurt on my face because he only stood there, staring at me. There was a slightly regretful streak in his eyes, but he didn't apologize for what he had said.

Eventually I shook my head with equal amounts of disappointment and hurt and stood to leave. "Have something to eat." I ordered and gestured towards the bag with the food. "Choose whatever you want from the bag. I'm going to go and check on Difficult."

"I beg your pardon?" asked Snape in confusion, but I didn't bother to answer while I stomped away from him. I didn't need to tend to Difficult, I had already done it a few minutes ago, but since I didn't want to look at Snape, I went over to her again. I cursed Snape under my breath and told Difficult exactly what I thought of the guy. She only nodded in agreement, or perhaps she was trying to make me stop hissing at her? I wasn't sure.

Snape didn't seem to be in the mood for eating after all. Instead he waved his wand at our makeshift camp. The tent collapsed and folded itself together, the fire put itself out and everything we owned gathered itself together and flew into the open bag. Snape then picked up the bag and tossed it over his shoulder before he trudged over to me.

"The sky is clouded, and it is unsafe to ride when it could start to rain any second. We walk today." He as good as ordered. His tone was harsh again, as if _I_ had been the one to insult _him_.

I barely managed not to snort. "Fine, we walk" I agreed annoyed and started to pull Difficult towards the road again. Snape followed begrudgingly.

It took me about half a second to realize that the tense air between us couldn't continue. Travelling like this for two weeks would kill us both, so I reluctantly decided to forgive him for his comment after all. Despite how rude it had been.

I tried to loosen the tension by talking, but Snape seemed to have turned himself inward, and only answered me with monosyllables.

When had I seen this behaviour before I wonder? Only all the bloody time!

Eventually I snapped. "Stop being a prick, Snape! You were the one to insult _me_ this morning. You have no right to be angry at me. You were the one who started by being a dick, right after I gave you a genuine compliment. So, will you please act like a normal person for a change?"

Snape stopped abruptly. Nostrils flaring. "Perhaps we should set camp" he barked.

Based on the light it must only be somewhat after midday. "What? Are you tired already?" I asked. This time _I_ was probably the one being snarky.

Snapes head snapped in my direction and he glared at me. "Yes! do you have a problem with that, woman?"

Right, so now we are back to 'woman' again, I thought. But it made me realize something. I had forgotten how sore I had been after riding yesterday, and now that Snape was using that body, he must feel horrible. "No" I said frowning, suddenly feeling stupid I hadn't realized that earlier.

Snape turned and stomped in the direction of a little streak above the road, where he plumped down next to a tree and huffed. I followed with a slower pace and placed the horse next to another tree.

I plumped next to Snape, crossed my legs and stared at him until he looked like he wanted to squirm under my gaze, or slap me, whichever was more tempting. "We need to stop doing this, you know" I stated.

Snape crossed his arms petulantly. "I am well aware miss Tonks, I am not an imbecile no matter what you think of me."

I rolled my eyes at him. "I don't think you're an imbecile. I just think your social skills are really really bad."

Saying that earned me a glare. But he turned his gaze away when I glared right back. He obviously didn't disagree with me. Eventually he leaned his head back against the trunk. "It is going to rain soon" he said. Probably trying to redirect the conversation to something more pleasant. Not that the thought of rain was very pleasant.

"Will you try the memory thing with me then?" I asked. Not realising that that was the stupidest suggestion I would make that day.

"Perhaps" said Snape evasively but didn't meet my eyes again. To fill the awkward silence between us, I tried to redirect the conversation.

"You alright?"

He frowned at me. "Why?"

"Your legs, you twat. Are you feeling very sore? Because we could-"

"I'm fine."

"You sure?"

"Yes, miss Tonks!" he growled in exasperation.

"Alright alright, no need to get your knickers in a twist." I said and held up my hands in defeat. "I was only asking how you were."

"Well, you can stop that right now."

"What? So I should just let you suffer by yourself? Look I know you are sore, because _I_ was the one who made it so. You can admit it, you know."

"There is no need for you to coddle me miss Tonks. Unlike your fleabag of a cousin I am an adult. I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself."

I rose my eyebrows. "You're certainly not acting like one." That was the wrong thing to say apparently. I had managed to make Snape angry. Again.

"Was there something you wanted to say, miss Tonks?" he said with his most silky and dangerous voice.

A small part of me felt like I was a little student again. I frowned at the sudden discomfort his presence made. The same type of discomfort I had felt in school when I was caught doing something wrong. But I hadn't done anything wrong now. The larger, more reasonable part of me snorted at my other half. Snape was not my teacher anymore. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes at him. "Only that you're being ridiculous. I'm not trying to coddle you. I was only asking whether you were alright in case you wanted to set camp already. And what on earth does Sirius have to do with this conversation anyways? He's not even here. He won't even exist for five hundred years!"

"Well you-"

"You only brought him up because you wanted to belittle him again. Like you always do. It doesn't make any sense." I stared at him, urging him to explain, because I certainly didn't understand why he constantly insisted on doing this.

"You have no grasp of what makes sense, girl." Said Snape and rose suddenly from his positions by the tree. "Sirius Black is no saint, and neither is your precious werewolf. I only want people to see them for what they really are, but no-one seems inclined to believe their precious Gryffindors could be anything but saintlike. I assure you, they are not." His voice was even and smooth, but there was a tremble to his left arm that gave away his current fury. Not that there was any use in hiding his feelings. The oncoming rain made it clearer and clearer for me what he felt about this topic. Waves of anger, frustration and a fair amount of hurt, floated through me with increasing intensity while our mental link became stronger. A small part of me was rather fascinated to witness his true feelings, but another part of me wanted to pull away and shut him out. These emotions were incredibly personal, but there was no way I could stop them.

"I know you have a bad history with them, but like I've said before, It's a long time ago. They've changed. You've changed. You have to give them some benefit of the-"

"You may think they've changed since Hogwarts, but I assure you people don't change their nature so easily, miss Tonks. I certainly haven't!"

"I know Sirius isn't the most considerate person in the world. But I don't really see how Remus could be so bad. He's really trying to be a good person! You've only decided to hate him because you want to!"

"You are mistaken, miss Tonks. Lupin is no better than his friend!"

"If you'd only give him a chance to-!"

"Your school girl crush on him has blinded you to the fact that he is a bloodthirsty monster!"

"Don't call him a monster! He's never tried to bite anyone!" I yelled with a burst of fury of my own.

"Hasn't he?" Snape asked challengingly. He turned to walk further into the forest with a growl, shoulders tense. But while I looked after him I felt a drop of rain fall on my nose, and we were hit with the full force of the switch.

A sudden wave of images crashed into my head with such force it pushed me off balance and I fell to the ground. _I was running through a dark tunnel while my heart thundered triumphantly against my ribcage. Finally finally, I could figure out what was going on. I could finally find out why Lupin always missed classes. I congratulated myself for my ingenuity. For being able to make Black unintentionally slip this information earlier. Black was an idiot, and they would all pay for his mistake._

 _At the end of the tunnel I reached a trap door with a large, solid iron padlock on it. I hesitated. What on earth could possibly make it necessary to lock the door with a padlock like this? A small part of me wondered if I should go back. what if this was a trap? But my curiosity got the better f me. I was too close to discover the truth. I couldn't let doubt get the better of me. "Alohomora" I said, and the Lock easily clicked open. I climbed up into what looked like a dingy sitting room with worn wooden panels. The sight of it gave me an eerie sense of foreboding. All the furniture had been ripped to pieces by something large. Something with a lot of teeth. Another wave of doubt hit me while I stared at the furniture. Something tingled in the back of my mind, but I couldn't make out what it was. Why on earth they would send him here?_

 _Then I heard a whimper from upstairs and I headed in that direction with my wand out. I stopped outside a door that was half closed and peeked through the crack. What I saw made my heart thunder in alarm. In the middle of the room was a boy, no more than fifteen, halfway transformed into a hideous beast. Realization dawned upon me while I watched him arch his back, his snout grow longer and fur sprouted slowly out of his skin. The boy let out a painful yowl. A sound that sent a chill all the way down my spine. Panic gripped my insides. I couldn't stay here, I needed to get out, NOW! I stepped away, hoping I could close the door and lock it long enough for me to get out through the trap door, but as I took another step back a floorboard creaked._

 _The hideous and still half transformed monster snatched his head around and snarled at me. Then it pounced with inhuman agility and strength. I only had time to scream in terror, certain i would die that very moment. But then a beam of red light shot out behind me and hit the werewolf in the chest. "Come on!" yelled a voice behind me "We need to get out of here!"_

By this time, I managed to pull out of Snapes memories. I was sprawled on all fours on the ground. Drops of rain dribbled around me. I knew I was not about to be attacked by a werewolf, but the waves of terror still surged through me while I stared at my now long fingers. My black hair fell into my eyes and I covered my mouth with one hand.

I was too angry to cry.

Snape had chosen this memory on purpose. He had wanted to hurt me just because I defended Remus. How could he do that to me? He knew I liked Remus, but after seeing this, how could I ever look at him the same way again? Remus had been so hideous, so terrifying, so . . . monstrous. And to what purpose would he show this to me, unless it was to taint my view of him?

While my vision cleared I felt a strange, creeping feeling of regret form in my stomach. But that wasn't right. I didn't feel regret for this! I hadn't done anything wrong!

But I realized where it came from when I finally turned to look at Snape. He was on his knees and gripped his hair with both hands while he stared at the ground.

"I- I should not have-" he whispered, unable to finish his sentence.

I felt myself rise to my full height (which was significally taller than Snape at the moment). "No, you shouldn't have" I said. My deep voice shook with cold fury. He met my eyes and rose suddenly when I turned away from him to go back to Difficult.

"Wait!" He said, but I refused to stop.

"Miss Tonks, just let me-"

"No! You knew I liked Remus but you still showed me that to spite him. To destroy m feelings for him! You did it because you think he doesn't deserve to have someone care for him- I can't-"

"Well it's true!" He said defensively.

I stared at him and gave a furious huff. "You're unbelievable!" I turned again.

He tried to grab my arm to stop me "No, just-"

"No!" I shook him off and stomped over to Difficult who looked quite unsettled about our shouting.

"Just listen to me!"

"No! I can't look at you right now. Just be quiet and let me think!"

He let go of me finally and I turned to Difficult to saddle her. I did it rather aggressively and Difficult, the poor thing, whinnied and snorted angrily at me when I tightened the saddle strap too hard. She pulled away from me and nudged me with the top of her head - hard. "Ow!" I exclaimed and cradled the offended arm. But meeting her warning glare made me deflate and I felt stupid. "I am sorry, I shouldn't let this out on you." I told her. I petted her for another minute until I felt calm enough to look at Snape.

He looked incredibly troubled. He hadn't moved from his spot, but he had put on a guarded and emotionless expression. It cracked now and then, making him furrow his brows and grit his teeth in concentration but then it was back, the same blank emotionless expression. Strange as it may sound, something in that expression was even more unsettling than his anger.

I felt myself deflate when I saw his face. His waves of emotions faded away with my dizziness, but he must have been rather devastated.

"Look . . . I'll be fine. I just need a bit of time okay?" I said after a while "how about we ride for a little while?" By now it had begun to rain properly. Without waiting for Snapes answer, I pulled out our two cloaks from the bag, put the black one over my own shoulders and handed the brown one to Snape. Then we mounted the horse and rode on without another word.

The air between us was so tense I imagined I could cut it with a knife. I felt guilty for feeling angry. Then I felt angry for feeling guilty. I had a right to be angry about this after all. Images of the boy half transformed into a monster kept flashing before my eyes, every time with a new surge of fear. And guilt. And hatred. And sorrow. And a jumble of other emotions that all tumbled around inside my brain. I didn't know whether I wanted to curl up in a ball and cry or run around screaming in anger. It was all Snapes fault! But . . . I decided to stop thinking about it right now. I would have to give it some time. I patted Snapes arms that were draped around my waist. I wasn't about to throw him off or anything just because he did something mean.

By the time it turned dark my troubled thoughts had thankfully subsided. It was still there but more like a nagging tingle in the back of my head that allowed me to focus on my surroundings. I realized I hadn't eaten anything since breakfast, but my mind was preoccupied with more pressing matters. "Do you hear anything?" I asked Snape.

"No, only the rain."

"Exactly, me neither" I said while I looked around. "Has it occurred to you too that we haven't met a single magical creature in the entire forest?"

Snape went quiet for a while, then he said; "No, but the trees are turning bearer and further apart. It is almost like it has made room for something large."

"I don't suppose you think this 'something large' could be nice friendly unicorns or cute giant kittens?"

Snape said nothing for a while "I think we should refrain from making camp."

"We have to, it's turning dark."

"I cannot think of what it could be" he said in a frustrated tone "but there is something wrong."

We decided to set camp against our better judgement. I made Difficult stop by a little creek and we climbed off her back. I made to lead her somewhere she could rest but Snape abruptly grabbed my wrist. "Don't move" he whispered. I felt a wave of terror at his alarmed tone.

I turned, and he pointed at something in between the trees. I couldn't see it at first in the darkness but then I saw the reflection of light in eight huge round eyes. Out of the trees came a fully grown Acromantula creeping slowly towards us.

* * *

 **Authors note:**

Hello. I do apologise for the long wait for this chapter. I've had a bit of a writers block lately, and I've had a lot of trouble with this chapter. There are parts I am still not perfectly happy with, but I decided I needed to finish this up and get on with the story. I still hope you'll enjoy it.


	16. We die

**Chapter 16:**

I am telling you this from beyond my grave. We die during this chapter. A painful and gruesome death.

I am probably exaggerating . . . but I was absolutely terrified.

It might be clichéd, but my boggart used to be spiders when I was younger. And the fear has not disappeared. I know about Ron Weasleys fear (his twin brothers gleefully told me about it once). But I believe Rons fear for spiders is heavily based on trauma. My fear is a simple but intense phobia. I **hate** spiders. Small or large, I hate them all. I know it's silly, I know the small ones can't hurt me.

But this one . . .

I had never met an Acromantula in real life, and I had never expected to meet one in this forest, despite my comparison to Mirkwood. There was a fleeting moment when I thought it must be a doll, a model for a play or simply a hallucination. There was simply no way there could be an actual Acromantula in an English forest. But then the monster moved one of its hairy legs, slowly and deliberately as if not to alarm us, its prey, too much. My body reacted before my brain. When I had finally concluded this was too bizarre to be fake, my heart was already pounding against my chest.

The three of us stared at each other for another second, no sound but the drizzling rain around us. Bile rose in my throat. I felt like my legs were made of lead. I couldn't move. I couldn't think. I couldn't breathe.

The monster would have ponced me and eaten me easily had it not been for Snape. He grabbed my wrist and squeezed so hard it felt like my hand could pop off. But it helped me come to my senses a little.

"No quick movements" Snape whispered. "We have to stun it before it can attack, but we have to do it at the same time. An Acromantula this size will never go down with only one spell." He pointed his wand. I shakily drew mine as well.

"When I count to three" he ordered "One. Two. Three."

We both stunned the Acromantula at the same time in a flash of red light. It fell to the ground with a thump and a filter of hairy legs.

Then it became eerily quiet.

"Get back up! We need to get out of here! If there is one Acromantula, there will be more!" hissed Snape with a look of urgency on his face. We mounted Difficult quickly. When I set her into motion I could hear the rustling of several other gigantic animals around us but I couldn't see them. I urged her into gallop and we sped away in whatever direction Difficult chose.

We passed an area where all the trees were covered in spider webs. Unnaturally large spider webs. More rustling came about around us, and I heard Snape yell something behind me followed by a loud thump as something hit the ground behind us. Apparently one of the Aromantulas had tried to jump us. My heart thumped painfully but I kept my gaze onwards. There was no use in panicking now, I didn't have time for that. I had to focus on getting us out of here.

That thought stopped abruptly when the largest spider I had ever seen landed right in front of us with an angry hiss. That was when I finally realized the seriousness of our situation. We were going to die and there was no way out.

Difficult whinnied and pulled backwards. I let out an undignified whimper. I didn't know what to do. I could only stare in horror at the monster in front of us while I tried to hold Difficult steady. All around us gathered more monsters. I could see them in my peripheral vision. Lowering themselves from the treetops and rustling on the ground, surrounding us in the midst of a half circle, facing the largest spider. There must have been about a hundred of them, all hissing and clicking in delight but no one as huge as the one in front of us. My breath hitched and panic made me freeze again. The spiders around us clicked and hissed something that sounded suspiciously like English. " _Feed ussssss."_ I would never have gotten out of there alive had it not been for Snape. He pinched my arm again so hard I would get a bruice, but I understood why he did it. Again it helped me focus. The largest spider (probably the leader) curled together as if to attack us, but before it could do so it was hit by a curse from Snape. The curse sliced three of its front legs off and made a fatal gash in its cephalothorax. It screamed in agony and tumbled to one side.

I didn't realise there was an opening for us before Snape yelled "Move!"

I urged Difficult to move again and we headed straight onwards where the largest spider had just been. The other spiders hissed and wailed in fury behind us, but we kept on galloping through the forest. At last we came out into an open landscape. That was a good thing because the Acromantulas could no longer attack us from above. But to my despair they still followed us.

"How many?!" I yelled to Snape behind me.

"Fifteen!" he yelled back "the rest stayed in the forest!"

"Forget everything I said about this forest. This _is_ Mirkwood!" I said. I know, it was a stupid time to try making jokes, but what can I say? I'm not good with panic situations. It was very clear we would never be able to outrun the horde of hungry man-sized, eight-legged monsters.

"We will never be able to outrun them!"

"Head for the lake!" Snape and pointed at something towards the left "Acromantulas cannot swim!"

How he knew this I wasn't sure. I had never learned about Acromantulas in Care of Magical Creatures (or Defence for that matter), but indeed there was a large lake only a hundred yards in front of us. I made Difficult turn and gallop that way while Snape lashed out more spells at the creatures. None of his attempts seemed to be effective because he cursed loudly and urged me to go faster. Had we reached the lake only seconds later we'd have been supper, but I steered Difficult straight into the water and the monsters stopped by the shoreline. They hissed, scurried and clicked angrily at us while they tried to find a way to reach us. Some even asked us nicely to come back and feed them, just a little bit.

Difficult clearly understood what was at stake. As far away from the Acromantulas as possible the better. She waded further out without stopping. But when the water reached up to her back, one of the Acromantulas, probably in hungry desperation, took a huge risk and leapt at us. I wrenched Snape off the saddle and into the water as the Acromantula landed on Difficults back. Difficult whinnied in panic but the Acromantula failed to hold on and slid off her into the water. There, it thrashed about until it sank underneath. After that, none of the other Acromantulas dared to jump after us. They scurried back and forth along the shore and hissed furiously at us. 'Come baaaack' 'Feeeed ussss'.

The water was freezing cold, and it seeped into my boots and through my clothes. The positive side was that it immediately helped clear my mind and I breathed out in relief.

We had made it. We were not dead.

Snape on the other hand, was not convinced.

I had failed to notice, when we landed in the water, how he thrashed about after I released him. But now that I had made sure the Acromantulas wouldn't come after us, my attention was suddenly drawn to him.

'Fuck' was all I could think when I suddenly saw his head disappear under the surface in his struggle to keep floating. "Fuck!" I exclaimed and splashed to his side in an attempt to help him. Bad idea. He desperately latched onto me, but it only made us both sink underneath. I made a gurgling sound of protest. "Stop! Stop it!" I yelled coughing when I got some air into my lungs again. "Severus! Stop it, you need to calm down!" but it was no use. He pulled me down again.

There was a moment where I wondered whether Snape would drown us both when one of my feet found a rock underneath me. This fantastic protruding rock would be my favourite thing about this day. Oh, thank merlin I thought.

I got a good grip on the rock and pulled both of us above the water. I had a secure arm around his waist, but Snape didn't seem to notice how he didn't sink underneath anymore. In fact, he seemed more panicked the longer we stayed in the water. His breath hitched, he trashed around and gripped me tightly as if I was his only lifeline.

Feed usss!

"Hey hey, it's alright. I've got you, I've got you. Calm down alright? Stop thrashing about!"

This did not seem to help. In fact he only gripped me tighter. I slipped off the rock for a moment before I found it again under my foot. "No!" he managed to grit out. "No, I can't swim, I can't swim!"

' _Feeed ussss_!'

"I realize that, but you need to stop thrashing about and calm down, you're only making it difficult for me to stay on the rock!" I said this while I slipped on the slimy rock underneath me again and only barely managed to find it again before Snape drowned me.

"I can't!"

' _Feeeed usssss_!'

"Yes you can! Relax! I promise I'll hold you up. I've got foothold."

"No!" he shook his head vigorously.

"Severus Snape! Pull yourself together! I swear to you if we drown in a stupid lake I'll hunt you down and kill you!"

That was obviously a language Snape could understand. He stopped thrashing, but his breath was still hitched and he didn't loosen his grip on my collar. "Good" I said. I had slipped off the rock again and this time I couldn't find it with my foot. I found my wand from somewhere and waved it to conjure a sort of air-filled bag to make it easier to float. I had tried to conjure a rescue hoop or something, but this would make do.

"Can you let go of my collar too? You can trust me. I swear I won't let you go." I prodded open his grip of steel (it took a while). Then I put one of his arms on my shoulder to tell him he could still hold on to me if he wanted as long as he didn't strangle me. His breath was still hitched and ragged and he shut his eyes tightly clearly embarrassed.

By this time the Acromantulas had scurried away. Hopefully back to their nest in the woods.

"It's fine" I assured him. It amazed me that the man who had been so calm and collected when we were facing a horde of flesh-eating monsters suddenly panicked because of some water. But then we all had our fears. I kicked us both in the direction of the opposite shore after Difficult. She was far ahead of us.

When we were about halfway across Snape spotted something in the sky "look" he said.

When I looked up I heard a voice above us say "Ohoi! Are you in need of assistance, good fellow?"

About twenty feet above us were two men on brooms who flew closer as they spoke. I had to laugh at the sight. "Indeed sir, alas, we seem to have found ourselves in a bit of a pickle!"

"Indeed" said the closest flyer. "We saw your flight from the spiders. Wise move to head for the lake, but your horse is about to leave on the other side. Would you like a ride to the shore to catch it?"

"Oh! That would be very much appreciated! Would you mind taking my wife first, sir? She cannot swim and she is a bit shaken." Snape sent me a look as if I had just betrayed him. I wasn't exactly sure why.

"Certainly!" yelled the broom rider and came down so close to the water that he almost touched the surface with his toes. "Take my hand fair lady, and I will lift you up onto my broom."

"Go on" I urged him while he stared at me uncertainly. Then he reached out and took the broom riders hand. The broom rider then pulled him up with surprising strength and flew away. The other guy, a much burlier man came down and offered a hand to me. I grabbed it and felt myself get pulled out of the water. Together we flew after the first guy who had picked up Snape. When we landed, the first thing I did was to go and meet Difficult when she came out of the water. I pulled out an apple from my backpack to calm her down. Luckily my backpack was waterproof and everything in there had stayed dry. Thank Merlin for that.

Difficult looked exhausted but unharmed. The Acromantula that jumped her had merely slid off her without doing damage. I pulled her over to Snape who sat on a rock near the shoreline with his head in his hands. "Are you alright?" I asked and put a hand on his shoulder. He shoved it forcefully away and snarled "I'm fine!"

"Fine" I said annoyed "Then you can take care of Difficult while I thank those men." I left Difficult with him and headed over to the wizards. It turned out there were three of them. Each with their own horse.

"Oh, good sir! How is your wife? She seems very upset."

"She'll be fine" I said as I turned to look after Snape and Difficult. Snape was petting her muzzle again. "Being chased by monsters is not something a lady experiences every day. But she is tough. She can handle it once she gets over the first shock."

The man in the middle nodded. Now that I looked at him I realised there was something strangely familiar about him. The two men on each side were as different from each other as they were from the man in the middle. The one on the right was a burly red-head while the other was skinny and blonde. However, they all looked regal and posed. Like a band of higher-class men on a business trip.

"I have to thank you for helping out" I said.

"Oh, you are very welcome, good sir, it was our pleasure" said the man in the middle. Then he turned to his fellow men; "let us introduce ourselves. These are my fellow men Sir Goddart Paupard, he pointed at the burly one and sir Fergus Crescent he pointed at the skinny one. An my name is Sir Nicolas DeMimsy Porpington."


	17. My brain melts

" _let us introduce ourselves. These are my fellow men Sir Goddart Paupard, he pointed at the burly one and sir Fergus Crescent he pointed at the skinny one. And my name is Sir Nicolas de Mimsy Porpington."_

 **Chapter 17:**

They must have wondered why I was gaping like a fish.

I must admit, I was speechless.

My mind was racing a hundred miles per hour. It was like being hit with an avalanche of revelation. I felt like my mind was going to burst from the pressure of this new information. Like the knowledge was too large for the processing capacity of my brain. How could I not have expected this already? It was so simple! It was all so very simple!

We were currently in the fourteen hundreds, Nearly Headless Nick had lived during the fourteen hundreds. Why would coincidence, the fates or whatever power that made the rules, _not_ pull us together?

I only stood there in shock for almost a minute before I managed to make a sound; "Oh . . ."

Sir Nicolas certainly didn't look like the Nearly Headless Nick I remembered. He had been wearing a pipe collar and tights last time I saw him (he had also been dead). These guys were all dressed in more practical riding clothes (and were very much alive).

"And what is your name, good sir?" asked Sir Nicolas, looking slightly concerned about my reaction.

". . . I am Sir . . . Ronald . . . of . . . Grimmauld" I said at last. Using the first names I could think of. In retrospect I realised it was a good idea to change my name from the one I'd used in Watercrest, in case Nick had ever crossed paths with Lord Mordon. "And that is my wife . . . Andromeda" I pointed at Snape. ". . . Tell me . . . what is your purpose in this part of the country?" I asked slowly. I had a strong feeling I knew the answer . . .

"Indeed, we are burdened with glorious purpose!" declared Sir Nicolas proudly. "We are on a mission for the King himself to fetch a sample of the magical water from the Well of Wishes. A glorious task if I may say so myself. And that is the direction we are currently headed. Tell me, what purpose have you Sir and your wife in these parts of the land?"

I had believed I couldn't be more shocked by what he said, but here I was; more shocked. ". . . we are on our way in the same direction . . . We are here on the orders of . . . Lord Mordon of Watercrest to find The Well of Wishes and bring him a sample." In my baffled state I was amazed how well I managed to invent lies.

Sir Nicolas seemed about to explode from excitement. "What incredible news! What say you to join our little party and head to our destination together?"

"Err . . ."

I glanced in Snapes direction. He would not like it if I made a decision like this without him. On the other hand, this was major! I simply couldn't refuse. Also, five wizards were a lot better against Acromantulas than two. "That would be an honour Sir, I would be glad to accept your invitation" I said with a wide smile.

Sir Nicolas clapped his hands together happily and invited us to join them for supper. Apparently, they had set up camp only a few yards away. The other two men didn't seem quite as excited about their new companions as The-not-yet-headless Nick, but they bowed politely when I excused myself to go have a talk with Snape.

My new wife was now hiding his face in Difficults muzzle.

I wondered for a brief second whether he was crying.

"Hey, are you sure you are okay?" I asked carefully and automatically reached out a hand to touch him. He startled and looked at me as if he had forgotten I existed. Then his expression changed to a glare; "I've told you this before. Yes! I'm fine!"

I raised an eyebrow "Okay. Well those dudes over there asked if we wanted to have supper with them . . . and also, they asked if we wanted company on our way to The Well of Wishes. I accepted both."

His glare deepened further. "You told them about our destination?" he asked dangerously.

"No actually, they were already heading there themselves on the Kings orders. I didn't make them go."

He raised an eyebrow. "So, you're saying we simply happened upon someone who were on their way to a magic Well that we have no idea exists, at the same time as we were, completely without your urge?" his sarcastic tone made me want to punch him.

"Severus, what the fuck do you take me for?" I said, feeling the irritation build inside my chest. "I'm not running around announcing our destination in case someone wants to join in a parade. At least give me some benefit of the doubt."

He raised a dangerous eyebrow "And yet you still decided to make this decision without me?"

"Yep" I said without regrets.

He bristled and seemed about to snarl at me again, but I stopped him by interrupting. "Don't you see? The guy who pulled you up, do you know who he is? It's Sir Nicolas de Mimsy Porpingon."

He snorted in disbelief "What?" He obviously thought I was joking, but he still scanned the three men wo were heading away from us intently.

"Sir Nicolas de Mimsy Porpington! You know, Nearly Headless Nick? The ghost at Hogwarts? Pipe collar and tights. The guy who always complains about not being able to join the headless hunt-"

"You've got to be fucking kidding me" he half stated half asked, still scanning Nick and his men.

"I am a hundred percent, not kidding."

"You have to be, because the notion that we just happened to stumble upon a _live_ Nearly Headless Nick is completely ridiculous."

I shook my head seriously.

"How it that even possible!?"

"I don't know! I am as shocked as you are." I said and tossed my hands in the air. "But you see what this means? The last bottle of water from The Well of Wishes was inherited down generations from a relative of Nearly headless Nick! This is supposed to happen! Nick is supposed to find The Well and bring some of it with him . . . and I think we are supposed to follow them!"

"I . . . How!?" Snape was out of words while he looked between me and the men of Sir Nicolas. I could see the wheels turning in his brain. He was probably conducting theories of time and space far beyond what I had managed to do earlier, but I was pretty sure he would conclude with the same thing I did. That we were meant to be here.

"I haven't the faintest clue" I said honestly.

"But it's simply impossible."

"I thought switching souls was impossible. But we've done that a few times already. I don't think anything can shock me anymore" I deadpanned.

To my surprise there was a thug at the corner of his mouth, and he made a gesture of agreement.

I understood his confusion though. What we were dealing with here ventured dangerously close to . . . fate. A concept neither of us really believed in. If we were really supposed to follow Nick and his men to The Well, that meant Severus and I were partly responsible for our own predicament in the future. Or in our case; at this very moment. I didn't believe in time loops, but this sounded very much like one.

Snape looked like he wanted to discuss this further, but I knew I'd be out of my depths if we tried to venture into theories of timeturners and space continuums and whatnot. I don't know if I've told you this, but I'm not one for theoretics. Instead I reached out a hand; "Come on, I'll introduce you to them. I told them my name is Sir Ronald of Grimmauld. You are my wife Andromeda." Snape snorted at my name choice but he didn't take my hand. Instead he walked next to me with Difficult in tow.

Sir Nicolas and his men were very welcoming and open. They wanted to know everything about us. I lied myself through a long and complicated story of how my wife Andromeda and I had come to work for Lord Mordon. Something in the line of owing him a favour. Snape stayed quiet. Not because he was out of spirits but because he simply didn't want to talk. He listened intently to my lies while we ate. Probably to remember them for later. Then he wished us all good night and went to put up our tent. I knew he didn't want me to follow right away. His body language clearly signalled to leave him alone, so I stayed with the men for a while longer and listened to their tales of some hunt they had done the muggle way. When we all dispersed and went to our own designated tents they assured me they had put up protections against Acromantulas. I hoped they were strong enough against a hundred of them.

Snape had already fallen asleep when I entered the tent. He lay curled up with his back to me, his blankets pulled up to his ears. But when I began to pull off my shoes, he stirred in his sleep and drew a sharp breath.

I froze and scanned his dark form to see whether I had woken him. But he didn't stir again.

Perhaps it was only a twitch?

But after I had undressed and almost fell asleep myself, he twitched again. More violently this time. Then he started to trash around in his sleep. A whimper escaped his throat.

I lifted my head to see him better. A nightmare of course. That was it.

I lit my wand and scooted over to him on my knees. He whimpered again and curled into a ball as if shrinking away from my presence. It took a lot of effort to wake him but when he finally opened his eyes he cried out and shoved my hand away forcefully. Then he breathed out in relief when he discovered who I was and covered his face with his hands.

"You had a nightmare" I said informatively. Not that he needed to know that. I put my hand to his forehead and stroke his sweaty curls back. "Are you okay?"

He nodded and said nothing. He still lay on his back and still covered his face with his hands. I waited for a while to see if he wanted to say more, but he didn't. "Okay, well . . . good night then." I turned to scoot back to my own part of the tent when he grabbed my hand with both of his.

"I must apologise . . . for what I did earlier" he said while he sat up, still holding my hand. "I shouldn't have- . . . I let my anger get the better of me and I am . . . sorry." He sounded like the words were incredibly difficult to say. Like he had been forced to use a language he didn't speak. But I realised why he was still holding my hand. He wanted me to know, to feel through our link, that he meant every word. "Will you . . . forgive me?" he asked my hand.

I studied him with a frown. It took my tired brain a moment to realise he was talking about the memory incident earlier today. I had forgotten about that. Ever since the Acromantulas, I'd had other things to think about. Like staying alive for example. But now that he mentioned it, I realized I couldn't stay angry at him. Not when he had apologised properly for once, and clearly regretted what he'd shown me. I couldn't brush that off so easily. Also, we had more important things to do than be angry at each other.

I bent down and kissed his forehead. "Of course I will forgive you" I said and gave his hand a little squeeze.

He stared at me with a strange expression. He looked almost confused. But I was too tired to ponder over what it meant, so I lay back down under my own blankets. "Let's get some more sleep eh?" He nodded and I waved my wand to turn the light out.

We lay in silence for a few minutes until Snape shifted. "Did you seriously name the horse 'Difficult'?" he whispered curiously.

"Yeah what of it?" I felt the corners of my mouth slowly turn upwards.

"Why?" there was an element of amusement in his voice.

"Well, given how she acted towards you I thought it rather fitting, don't you think?" I said with a smirk.

I heard a snort from Snapes side of the tent. "Very fitting indeed."

And with that it was as if the tension between us suddenly dissipated. I couldn't help but smile. How strange it was to be friends with Snape . . .

. . . Severus I suppose.

* * *

 **Authors note:**

Hello readers. Sorry for the long wait for this chapter. I've been spending large parts of the summer without wifi, done some travelling and moving to a new place. But now things are starting to settle down so I hope to post a new chapter soon.


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